You’re Not Bready For This

| USA | Right | December 17, 2016

(There’s a guy that orders the exact same sandwich from our deli every few days. This was the first time I helped him. Usually one of the ladies who recognizes him will just start making it when they see him but none of them were there when he got there.)

Me: “Hello, can I help you?”

Customer: “I want a sandwich on wheat bread with mustard and mayo, but scrape it off, and lettuce and turkey. Cut it in half and wrap each half in plastic wrap.”

Me: “Okay.” *I grab one of the sandwich order forms and write it down real quick before I forget* “I’ll have it done in a few minutes.”

(I make the sandwich following the instructions to a T. I tag the package with the sandwich in it and wish him a good night. He leaves. He comes back a few minutes later looking furious.)

Customer: “Excuse me. There’s supposed to be bread here.” *he’s pointing to one of the halves which obviously has bread on it*

Me: “There is bread on it.”

Customer: “No, there’s not; it should be right here but it’s not.”

Me: “I don’t see what you’re talking about.”

Customer: “You see this? That’s meat; it’s supposed to be bread!”

(We go back and forth a few times until I stop to process what exactly he’s trying to ask me. In the middle of it he scoffs and storms off. Before he got too far, I have an idea and stop him.)

Me: “Wait, sir. Do you want me to move the bread over?”

Customer: “YES!”

(I took the sandwich from him and un-wrapped the plastic. I moved the bread over the QUARTER INCH it slid off of the meat and very carefully wrapped it back up so it wouldn’t move again. I handed it back to him, and then he very happily walked off.)

Apron And Staying On!

, | Bellevue, Washington, USA | Romantic | December 4, 2016

(I am working as a deli clerk at a very well-known grocery chain. We used to have blue shirts and a black apron. However, we have recently switched to green aprons. An older male customer, who is also missing teeth, comes up to me.)

Me: “Hi, sir! Is there anything I can help you with today?”

Customer: “No, I just have a question. Do you like your uniforms?”

Me: *thinking this is a strange question, but there seems to be no harm in answering* “Well, I don’t mind the blue shirts, because that is my favorite color. The green aprons combined with the blue shirts are kind of a bad combination, though.”

Customer: “Oh, well, I bet you would look great in just the apron.”

Me: “…”

A Racist Plot Twist

, | FL, USA | Right | November 3, 2016

(It’s a slow day at work. My coworker and I are standing behind the counter making idle chat.)

Me: “Know what I’ve been thinking about?”

Coworker: “What?”

Me: “Kids’ sports movies.”

Coworker: “Kids’ sports movies?”

Me: “Yuh huh. Specifically, the fact that they’re all exactly the same.”

Coworker: “What do you mean?”

Me: “I mean how they all have the exact same plot, the exact same characters, the exact same tone, everything.”

Coworker: *sounding unconvinced* “Hmmm…”

Me: “Think about it. You always have the exact same set of stereotypical characters: the nerd, the fat kid, the black kid who only talks in pseudo-racist jive, the girl playing on the boys’ team just to prove she can, and the guy who could be a superstar if he could just get past his piddling first-world emotional problems.”

Coworker: “You know, I think I see what you mean. Don’t forget the alcoholic coach trying to relive his glory days.”

Me: “Exactly. And our ragtag band of misfits always has to play the team of rich snobs in the championship game who taunted and defeated them at the beginning of the movie.”

Coworker: “And the coach of the rich snobs’ team was the one who humiliated our heroes’ coach way back when.”

Me: “Right. And our heroes lose their first couple of games until a pep talk from the coach inspires them, and then they destroy every successive opponent they face until the championship game, when the rich snobs are kicking their butts at halftime. Then the would-be superstar finally gets his head out of his butt and helps them turn things around in the second half and they win.”

Coworker: “And as the second half of the championship game begins, it shows a montage of our heroes evening the score set to CCR’s ‘Up Around the Bend.'”

Me: “Hah! Totally! That’s like the ultimate ‘sports-getting-your-act-in-gear’ song.”

Coworker: “You know, you’re right.”

Me: “Like I told you, dude. They’re all the same.”

Customer: “How DARE you!”

Both Of Us: “Huh?”

(A customer has just walked up to the counter and overheard the last thing I said.)

Customer: “How DARE you say that all African-Americans are the same?! You RACIST!”

Me: “What? African-Americans? No, we were talking about kids’ sports movies.”

Customer: “You said ‘They’re all the same’!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I was saying that all of those movies are the same.”

Customer: “Don’t you lie to me, you racist scum! Anyone who says ‘They’re all the same’ is talking about African-Americans!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, I promise you that’s not what we were talking about.”

Customer: “Shut up, you racist! This whole store is racist! I don’t have to put up with this racist store! This is the MOST offensive thing I’ve ever heard in my ENTIRE life and I demand compensation for this insulting racism!”

Me: “Uh… I’m sorry?”

Customer: “You’ll be sorry when your racist a** is out on the street!”

(She stomped off to the customer service counter to complain. Apparently she didn’t get the reaction she wanted from the store manager because she stomped out of the store all together a minute later. Also, she was white.)

Listen To The Lady’s Directions

| Grand Canyon, AZ, USA | Right | October 26, 2016

(I’m the assistant manager of a deli at the Grand Canyon that, because of the landmark’s worldwide popularity, receives a lot of foreigners, especially Europeans. Consequently, they don’t know the country layout that well and ask any “official” looking employee about it. I am finishing ringing a foreign guest up on the till.)

Me: “And that’ll be [total]; is there anything else I can do for you today?”

Customer: “Yes, I was wondering if you could tell me when we would see the ‘Liberty Lady?’” *he raises his fist like he’s holding a torch* “We’ve been driving since Florida and haven’t seen her yet.”

Me: “Sir, I think you’re going to have to go back the direction where you came from, and then North from there to see her.”

Customer: “You mean, she isn’t here?”

Me: “No, she is not. She is located in New York, which is about 2,500 miles to the North and East of where we are.”

Customer: *turns to wife* “I told you we should have stayed by the water!”

Draining Training

| WI, USA | Right | September 11, 2016

(We’re in the middle of a busy spurt of the day in the deli of a grocery store. At this time, there are only two deli clerks: a boy, who is still training, and me. The trainee lands himself a customer known to have an attitude problem and wants him to open a new ham and block of cheese to slice. I am helping other customers as they come.)

Me: “Who was next?”

Bad Customer: “This is taking forever! I’ll have some potato salad!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we’re not supposed to double up on a guest; I need to help other customers first.”

(I return to helping others after apologizing and offering her a free sample of our dessert, as the trainee emerges from the cooler with the items in tow. He begins to slice her two pounds after she repeatedly reminds him to lay the ham flat. Two minutes then pass.)

Bad Customer: “He’s taking such a long time! How hard is it to slice some d*** cheese and ham?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but he’s still in training, and it probably took him a minute to find them.”

Bad Customer: “I’m in a hurry! I want an experienced worker!”

(I’m barely out of training myself, but I inform the trainee that I was going to take over and for him to take care of other customers. He thanks me and rushes off. I begin to slice her ham and cheese, after she informs me twice that she wants them flat.)

Me: “Here you go, ma’am. Was there anything else tonight?”

Bad Customer: “No, thank you. But you should inform your manager that trainees shouldn’t be out here where customers are busy and want to go home. I only want experienced workers helping me!”

(I’m still not sure how you can be experienced if you’re not trained.)

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