You Gouda Brie Kidding

, , , , , | Right | October 16, 2018

Customer: *in condescending tone* “I need a pound of American cheese.”

Me: “Someone’s using that right now; can I get you any meats until the cheese slicer is free?”

Customer: “I need provolone. Is Stella Swiss provolone?”

Me: *pause* “No.”


, , , , , | Right | October 16, 2018

(I work at the deli department in a grocery store. I am part Filipino and part white. Everyone thinks that I’m Mexican. I am currently the only one in the department; my other coworker is on lunch. A customer stares at me and then stares at the hot case.)

Customer: *speaking loudly and slowly* “UNO. BURRITO. POR FAVOR.”

Me: “One burrito? Did you want the bean and cheese, or the chicken and rice?”

Customer: “Don’t you talk to me, you [Mexican slur]! Think you’re smarter than me? I’m tired of your people coming over the border and taking our jobs. Go back where you came from.”

Me: “I’d love to go back to Hawaii where I was born; the military hospital is really nice, so I have heard.”

Customer: “So, an islander, huh? Hawaii isn’t part of the US, idiot.”

Me: “So, bean and cheese, or chicken and rice?”

You’re A Bad (Turkey) Egg

, , , , , | Right | October 14, 2018

Customer: “I want a pound of turkey.”

Me: “Which kind would you like?”

Customer: “I don’t know; you pick. Which one do you like?”

Me: “Well, personally, I don’t like any of them. But then again, I don’t like turkey.”

Customer: “Oh, so you’re saying I’m a bad person because I do like it?!”

Me: “Well, I wasn’t saying that. But now I am.”

The Quarter Of The Nation That Voted

, , , , , | Right | October 12, 2018

Coworker #1: “…and that wasn’t even the stupidest thing Trump said this week! How did we end up with this guy?”

Customer: “I’ll do three-fourths of Virginia ham. No, wait, make it three-quarters.”

Coworker #2: “Which is it; three-fourths or three-quarters?”

Customer: “Hm… Which one is bigger?”

Coworker #2: “Huh. I don’t really know.”

Me: *to [Coworker #1]* “That’s how.”

Unfiltered Story #122446

, , | Unfiltered | October 6, 2018

Guy walks up mumbling and I can’t hear him

Me: sorry what was that?

Guy now yelling: POUND. CHEESE.

Me: patience my friend you were mumbling

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