I work in a deli/convenience store where you have to order your sandwich on a touch-screen. Some customers get confused about this, especially if they’re not from the area, so I’m used to coming around to help.

Customer: “How do I order two of the same sandwich?”

Me: “You have to order it on the screen. Pick lunch and dinner.”

Customer: “But how do I order two?”

Me: “I’m getting there. Do you want a hot or cold hoagie?”

Customer: “I want two.”

Me: “You can change the quantity at the end but you need to pick what kind of hoagie you want first.”

Customer: *Picks cold hoagies* “How do I get two?”

Me: “What kind of meat do you want sir?”

Customer: *Picks Italian* “How do I get two?”

Me: “We’re almost there. Just pick the toppings you want.”

Customer: *Picks toppings* “How do I get two?”

Me: “Hit ‘update quantity.’”

The customer hits update quantity and buttons with numbers appear.

Customer: “How do I get two?”

Me: “Just hit the two.”

The customer hits the four and completes the order.

Me: “Okay, sir, you can pay with your slip at the front.”

Customer: “Thank you!”

The customer goes to pay. I go to the deli and make the four sandwiches he ordered. I call his order number when they are ready, placing the sandwiches on the counter.

Customer: “Why the f*** are there four sandwiches? I wanted two!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you ordered four and paid for four, so that’s what I had to make.”

Customer: “Well, you did a terrible job of telling me how to get two sandwiches if I ended up with four!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. But you paid for four sandwiches so these are all yours.”

Customer: “Well, I only want two!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir.”

I start buzzing for the manager.

Me: “We can give you a refund on two of them if you want.”

Customer: “No, forget it. The cashier is probably just as f****** stupid as you are!”

He took two of the sandwiches and stormed out.

Related:
A Two Too Much

I’m a customer deciding on what to get at a supermarket delicatessen. A worker has already approached me asking if she could help and I told her I still needed some time deciding. Another customer storms up to counter.

Customer: “HELLO?! Excuse me!” *Mumbles something*

Deli Worker: “Sorry, what was that, ma’am?”

Customer: *Very loudly* “Where are the delicatessen premade salads?! I have been looking everywhere for them!” 

The deli worker is a tad stunned and points down in front of herself and the customer.

Deli Worker: “They are right here, ma’am.”

The customer turns red and begins to stutter.

Customer: “Oh, they are right here!”

The customer calls over her friend. They order some salads, and as they do, the customer is telling her friend very quietly how the deli worker was trying to embarrass her about the salads being in front of her.

Customer: *Places cash on the counter* “Here! Where the heck is my bag for these?!”

Deli Worker: “Ma’am, you pay up at the checkouts and you can get a bag up there if you like.”

The customer went red-faced and scurried away with her friend.

Related:
How Do I Put This Deli-cately, Part 4
How Do I Put This Deli-cately, Part 3
How Do I Put This Deli-cately, Part 2
How Do I Put This Deli-cately

Customer: “I’d like three chicken tenders and a half-pound of potato wedges.”

Me: “All righty.”

I pack the tenders into a Styrofoam tray and put a price tag on it. Then, I get another tray to put the wedges in.

Customer: “You can put them in the same box.”

Me: “No, actually, I can’t. They’re different prices.”

Customer: “But I don’t want to carry around two of these big things!”

Me: “Sorry, but these are the only containers we have right now, ma’am.”

Customer: “I don’t get why you can’t put them in the same box. There’s room in there!”

Me: “Because chicken tenders are $6.99 and potato wedges are $3.99. They have to be packaged separately unless you get the lunch combo.”

Customer: “So just put them both in there and charge $3.99 for the whole thing!”

Me: “I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Are you refusing to serve me?!“

Me: “If I did what you asked, I’d be putting my job in trouble.”

Customer: “So what? I don’t care if you get fired. Your job is to do what the customer wants! And I want you to put those in the same box and use the cheap price!”

Me: “Well, if I get fired, then I have no means by which to do what the customer wants. Besides, if our company did that for everyone, we’d lose a lot of money.”

Customer: “Then don’t do it for everyone; just do it for me, you idiot! No one else matters, and they’re all going to be dead soon anyway!”

Me: “Uh… What?”

Customer: “Our Lord has chosen Donald Trump as his instrument of destruction, and the streets will run red with the blood of subhuman vermin and filth! As it should be! Then I won’t have to listen to this, ‘Oh, if I do it for you I have to do it for everyone’ s***!”

Me: “I’m going to have to get my manager.”

Customer: “Keep your s***ty food, you r****d! Have fun going out of business!”

Related:
My, Aren’t We Feeling Entitled Today?

Customer: “So, that sign over there says you need the store card to get the sale price.”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “Does that mean I have to have the card?”

Me: *Slowly, disbelieving* “If the sign says you need the card… do you need the card?”

Customer: *In a “duh” voice* “Yeah?!”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “That’s not fair! I’m not from here! I don’t have the card!”

Me: “You can fill out the form to get the card at the customer service desk.”

Customer: “No, that’s idiotic! I can’t be bothered to go to all that trouble! And I don’t want to go the trouble of carrying your stupid card around!”

Me: “Then I’m afraid you’ll have to pay full price, sir.”

Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know that?!”

Me: “That’s what the sign is there for.”

Customer: “No! That’s too confusing!”

Me: “You’re right. We really should have a sign that explains it.”

He slams the package of cheese he’s been asking about down on my counter before walking away.

Customer: “F****** smarta** motherf*****!”

I got written up for that, but I’d do it again ten times out of ten.

Next to our hot island where we have hot food for customers to grab, we have a large sign advertising the sale price on rotisserie chickens. This week they’re on sale for $4.99 — the lowest they’ve been in a long time — while the regular price is $6.99.

A little old lady has been standing in front of the sign, looking at it with her glasses on, then off, then on again, then off again, for several minutes. Finally, she approaches me at the counter.

Old Lady: “Excuse me, how much are your whole chickens?”

Me: “They’re $4.99, ma’am.”

Old Lady: “The sign over there says they’re $4.99.”

Me: “That’s right.”

Old Lady: “They said they’re $4.99 on the radio.”

Me: “Yes.”

Old Lady: “So how much are they?”

I am starting to lose my patience.

Me: “Four. Ninety. Nine.”

Old Lady: “Well, I just don’t know.”

Me: “What do you mean, you don’t know?”

Old Lady: “I just can’t be sure how much they are.”

Me: “Well, if I’m telling you they’re $4.99, the sign is telling you they’re $4.99, and the radio is telling you they’re $4.99, then they’re probably $4.99.”

Old Lady: “Well, you just never know, the liberal media…”

She lets that phrase hang in the air as if I’m supposed to know what she means by that and agree with her.

Me: “Uh, we’re not the media, ma’am. We’re [Store].”

Old Lady: “Well, you just never know. The liberal media. It could be one of the Obama’s sneaky tricks.”

Me: “We’re not the media, ma’am. We’re [Store]. And Obama doesn’t work here.”

Old Lady: “Oh, you’ve heard of the Obama? I don’t rightly know what it is, but that nice news man says it’s trying to ruin everything.”

Me: “…”

Old Lady: “I just hope President Reagan can get rid of it soon. How much are your whole chickens?”

Me: “…$4.99.”

Old Lady: “Well, I just don’t know. The liberal media. I guess I’ll have to find someone else to ask.”

She continues muttering as she walks away.

Old Lady: “How can they be so much? They were $2.99 last week.”