What Do They Think “Collection” Means?

, , , , | Right | May 31, 2018

(The establishment I work for is similar to a small-scale grocery store and garden center combined. We offer delivery services to local businesses. The store stops deliveries after two pm. The following exchange happens after six pm.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I’d like two pounds of ham and a pound of cheese for delivery, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry; we stop deliveries after two pm. I have no staff able to bring it to you right now.”

Customer: “NO, NO! I want to pick it up myself! That’s why I said I wanted it for delivery! God, can’t you listen?!”

Heartfelt Antagonism

, , , | Right | May 31, 2018

(The store I work for sells various types of fried chicken, wings, and tenders. A former customer is notorious for coming in late around closing and complaining that the product is sold out or past expiration and unable to be sold. Our butcher station is located next to the chicken holding station. Our butcher has cut steaks into heart shapes for people to celebrate Valentine’s Day with.)

Customer: “Do you have any tenders left?”

Employee: “No, they all sold out earlier.”

Customer: “This is f****** ridiculous; every time I come in there are none of the ones I want left!”

Employee: “I’m sorry. Unfortunately, they are the most popular and tend to sell out first. If you’d like to call ahead in the future, we will be sure to put some aside and make you a fresh batch.”

(Unsatisfied with this, she huffs out of the store. The following night she comes in and I cringe, seeing how the exchange is going to go. This time she has her boyfriend with her. The woman goes to the butcher station to browse our selection of steaks. She picks one up and is holding it. Her boyfriend quietly comes to the chicken station and sees that the chicken she desires is once again out. He approaches her. I’m watching to see how this unfolds. Shouting in my direction she yells:)

Customer: “This is f****** ridiculous; I’ve had it! I’m never coming in again and it’s your fault!”

(She then rips the car keys out of her boyfriends hands and throws the heart-shaped steak in my direction. Both customers leave in an angry manner.)

Coworker: “At least it was heart-shaped! She left you a token of her love!”

(God bless you, poor man, and good riddance, crazy chicken lady.)

Off (The Clock) Behavior

, , , , | | Working | May 27, 2018

(I work in the deli section of a small, independent grocery store. It’s twenty minutes past my shift end, and I’m still in the store doing some personal shopping before going home. A coworker, who has been rude to me before, starts calling out, “Deli! Deli! DELI!” until I turn around. She is with a regular customer, who gets specialty bread from the freezer out back.)

Coworker: “Do you know where the bread is? The specialty one?”

Me: “Yes, but—”

Coworker: “Go fetch it, then.”

Me: “No, I’m not on shift. It’s in the freezer and clearly labelled.”

(I go to leave. I’ve been paying for my stuff while this happens:)

Coworker: “No, you need to get it.” *to the customer* “She’ll get it for you. No worries.”

(Just as I’m about to tell her goodbye and leave, my boss — the owner of this particular store — comes out, and having heard part of the conversation, turns to me and says:)

Boss: “You can spare two minutes. I’ll wait.”

(I hate these people.)

Not So Mellow Yellow

, , , , , , | Working | May 15, 2018

(My department cooks our own rotisserie turkeys, which we then chill down and slice for customers. Usually, we only have plain ones, but recently we’ve gotten some new lemon pepper seasoning so we can have a new flavor of turkeys. After my first time slicing one, I notice that the slicer, and my gloves, have turned bright yellow.)

Me: “Ugh, look at this s***! There’s yellow all over everything!”

Coworker: “It looks like you just murdered Homer Simpson, dude.”

Has Beef With Your Bologna

, , , , | Right | May 7, 2018

Coworker: “Hi, what can I get you?”

Customer: “I’d like a pound of bologna, please.”

Coworker: “Would you like the German bologna or the beef?”

Customer: “Oh, there are kinds? Hmm… I guess, then, my son probably likes the beef!”

Coworker: “Would you like me to give you a slice so your son can try it to make sure first?”

Customer: “No, I’m sure, just a pound of the beef bologna.”

(My coworker shows the thickness of the first slice for the customer’s approval and once again offers the slice for her son to try. Yet again the customer declines. After the pound is sliced up and the bag is handed to the customer, the customer opens the bag and hands a slice to her son, who takes a small nibble, scrunches his face, and gives the slice back to his mother.)

Customer: “Oh, I guess it’s the German he likes. Here, can you take this pound back and give me a pound of the German?”

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