Don’t Cheese Off America

| MA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Popular

(I work as a deli worker at a bit of a pretentious whole food type store. We often only sell specialty and healthy items and don’t have over-processed food. I thought I had seen everything… Nope.)

Me: “Good afternoon, what can I slice for you today?”

Customer: “I want two pounds of American cheese”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we don’t sell American cheese, but Havarti tastes quite good and is a good substitute.”

(The customer looks at me, enraged. Note that we have a list of our available meats and cheeses behind me.)

Customer: “How dare you not sell it? This is America! Do you hate our country?”

(He is in fact very serious and very angry and storms off and abandons his other groceries.)

Coworker: “Did he really just ask if we hate America?”

Me: “Yup…”


Should Be On Decaf

| Long Island, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Popular

(I work at a deli, and for the past month a woman has been coming in and ordering a coffee every day. She is unfailingly polite and friendly, and I begin to look forward to her arrival. One day, she comes in:)

Woman: “Hi, [My Name]. My usual, please?”

Me: “I’m really sorry, [Woman], but the coffee machine is broken. We’re working on fixing it, and it should be fixed by—”

(The woman goes deathly pale, her eyes go as wide as saucers, and she screams at the top of her lungs.)


Me: “[Woman], are you al—”

(She continued screaming like a banshee and dashed out of the deli, screeching and flailing all the while. I never saw her again.)


Off-The-Shelf Remarks

, | Oslo, Norway | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Popular

(In our store, fresh fruit and vegetables are right through the only entrance. The section is quite large and you have to walk several meters through it to reach other parts of the store. My deli counter is at the innermost part of the store itself. A male customer in his thirties comes up to the counter just after opening.)

Me: “Good morning, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Where are your vegetables?”

Me: “Oh, did you mean our frozen vegetables? You can find them in the freezers over in that corner.” *points in the direction of the freezers*

Customer: *suddenly quite irritated* “No, I meant fresh vegetables. Don’t you have any?”

Me: *a bit perplexed* “Uhm, yes we do. They are at the entrance, where you came in.”

Customer: *now angry* “Well, I didn’t see any when I came in! You need to start stocking more vegetables, when people can’t even see where they are!”

Me: *giving up* “Let me just show you…”

(I lead the customer back to the entrance and show him our bulging shelves.)

Me: “Was there anything in particular I could help you find?”

(The customer just stares blankly at me, before hurriedly exiting through the entrance, almost knocking over several entering customers on his way. A bit shocked, I walk back to my counter, where one of my coworkers stands staring towards the entrance.)

Coworker: “Was that guy for real?”

Me: “Yep. It’s going to be one of those days, I guess.”



, | FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, History, Popular, Religion

(I’m slicing meat for a customer. I notice he’s wearing a shirt with a cartoon leprechaun flipping the middle finger and holding a half-empty glass of beer.)

Me: “Nice shirt.”

Customer: “Oh, this? Yeah, I’m Irish, so…”

Me: “I kinda figured.”

Customer: “What about you?”

Me: “Well, my ancestors were mostly German—”

(Suddenly the customer stomps his feet together, stands at attention, and does the Nazi salute.)


Me: “—Jews. German Jews.”

Customer: “Oh.”


Way Too Chicken For That

, | England, UK | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Bizarre

(I’m in the process of taking some whole chickens out of the oven.)

Customer: “Don’t do it!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Sticking your head in the oven, don’t do it!”

Me: *realising she’s joking around* “You mean this isn’t a tanning salon?”

Customer: “It really isn’t! Don’t do it!”

Me: “Dang, I’m in the wrong place!”

Customer: “You really are!”

(Nothing like a bit of random to liven up the afternoon!)

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