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Enough To Make You Want To Hit The Bottle

| Concord, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Popular

(I work as a lobby specialist, which is just a nice way of saying I’m a table busser. There’s a woman, about 50-60, with her husband and a few of her kids who are all approximately in their late teens or early 20s. She’s been a hassle all day, yelling and saying rather cruel things to her family, before I can get to her table. At this point, they’re just about done eating and I can see a few plates that need to be taken away. I walk over and pick them up, when I hear one of her kids talking next to me to their mom.)

Kid #1: “Mom, no, that’s not ours!”

Mom: “What does that mean? I bought it!”

Kid #2: “No, yours is in the bag; that belongs to the restaurant!”

Mom: “No! This is mine! I bought it!”

(The object in question is one of the restaurant’s mild BBQ sauce bottles that is on every table in sight. We have a wall of shelves covered in glass bottles of different BBQ sauces that sell for fairly cheap and look vastly different from the plastic squeeze bottles on the table that’s currently heading on this woman’s purse. I had to cut in.)

Me: “Ma’am, that’s the store’s. Please don’t take that.”

Mom: “No, no, I bought this! You’re wrong!”

Me: “Ma’am, we sell glass bottles, not the plastic ones. Those are on every table in here. Please put it back.”

Mom: “Well, then, what the h*** did I buy?!”

Kid #2: “The one already in the bag, Mom.”

Mom: “Well… can I have this one anyway? It’s nicer.”

Me: “Ma’am, no. Please don’t steal our bottles. They belong to the store. Please put it back.”

Mom: “Well, I bought a bottle of this stuff and I want this one!”

Me: “Those are not for sale, ma’am. Now please, give it back.”

Mom: “Where’s your manager? I want this one!”

(The manager, who saw all this, spent another ten minutes trying to stop the woman from stealing our bottle and ended up giving her another bottle, which we saw her oldest kid quietly put back on the shelf.)

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Don’t Cheese Off America

| MA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Popular

(I work as a deli worker at a bit of a pretentious whole food type store. We often only sell specialty and healthy items and don’t have over-processed food. I thought I had seen everything… Nope.)

Me: “Good afternoon, what can I slice for you today?”

Customer: “I want two pounds of American cheese”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we don’t sell American cheese, but Havarti tastes quite good and is a good substitute.”

(The customer looks at me, enraged. Note that we have a list of our available meats and cheeses behind me.)

Customer: “How dare you not sell it? This is America! Do you hate our country?”

(He is in fact very serious and very angry and storms off and abandons his other groceries.)

Coworker: “Did he really just ask if we hate America?”

Me: “Yup…”

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Should Be On Decaf

| Long Island, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Popular

(I work at a deli, and for the past month a woman has been coming in and ordering a coffee every day. She is unfailingly polite and friendly, and I begin to look forward to her arrival. One day, she comes in:)

Woman: “Hi, [My Name]. My usual, please?”

Me: “I’m really sorry, [Woman], but the coffee machine is broken. We’re working on fixing it, and it should be fixed by—”

(The woman goes deathly pale, her eyes go as wide as saucers, and she screams at the top of her lungs.)

Woman: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!”

Me: “[Woman], are you al—”

(She continued screaming like a banshee and dashed out of the deli, screeching and flailing all the while. I never saw her again.)

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Off-The-Shelf Remarks

, | Oslo, Norway | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Popular

(In our store, fresh fruit and vegetables are right through the only entrance. The section is quite large and you have to walk several meters through it to reach other parts of the store. My deli counter is at the innermost part of the store itself. A male customer in his thirties comes up to the counter just after opening.)

Me: “Good morning, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Where are your vegetables?”

Me: “Oh, did you mean our frozen vegetables? You can find them in the freezers over in that corner.” *points in the direction of the freezers*

Customer: *suddenly quite irritated* “No, I meant fresh vegetables. Don’t you have any?”

Me: *a bit perplexed* “Uhm, yes we do. They are at the entrance, where you came in.”

Customer: *now angry* “Well, I didn’t see any when I came in! You need to start stocking more vegetables, when people can’t even see where they are!”

Me: *giving up* “Let me just show you…”

(I lead the customer back to the entrance and show him our bulging shelves.)

Me: “Was there anything in particular I could help you find?”

(The customer just stares blankly at me, before hurriedly exiting through the entrance, almost knocking over several entering customers on his way. A bit shocked, I walk back to my counter, where one of my coworkers stands staring towards the entrance.)

Coworker: “Was that guy for real?”

Me: “Yep. It’s going to be one of those days, I guess.”

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Germaniac

, | FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, History, Popular, Religion

(I’m slicing meat for a customer. I notice he’s wearing a shirt with a cartoon leprechaun flipping the middle finger and holding a half-empty glass of beer.)

Me: “Nice shirt.”

Customer: “Oh, this? Yeah, I’m Irish, so…”

Me: “I kinda figured.”

Customer: “What about you?”

Me: “Well, my ancestors were mostly German—”

(Suddenly the customer stomps his feet together, stands at attention, and does the Nazi salute.)

Customer: “SIEG HEIL! SIEG HEIL!”

Me: “—Jews. German Jews.”

Customer: “Oh.”

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