Prices all over are skyrocketing, and deli meat is no exception. One of our most popular hams has jumped a few dollars a pound. Because of how quickly it happened, corporate has yet to send us updated tags, so that ham has no price tag.

Customer: “I want one pound of [ham].”

The interaction goes well until he sees the price of the ham as I am ringing it up.

Customer: “Why is it so expensive? It was [lower price]!”

Before I can answer, he grabs the now-tagged ham and gestures at me with it.

Customer: “I am paying for your raise!”

Me: “I’m not getting a raise.”

Customer: “Then why is it so expensive?”

Me: *Shrugging* “I guess because the price of gas to get it here went up?”

The customer had no reply for that and just walked off. After that, I warned everyone who ordered that ham about the price.

Me: “You’re going to get a lot of people stopping by the deli just to laugh at the sign if you make me put that quote on it.”

Client: “Let them laugh. There’s nothing funny about it.”

Me: “It is sort of funny, in a childish way, you have to admit.”

Client: “No! ‘You’ll love the taste of our wieners!’ has been our slogan since my grandfather opened this place. And I want it in bright, proud colors out front.”

I work at a grocery store deli that closes at 9:00 pm while the rest of the store closes at 10:00 pm. The extra hour is for cleaning all of the slicers, cooking equipment, floors, etc. It is 9:45 pm.

Customer: “I want some shaved ham.”

Me: “The slicers have been put away for the evening, but we have some pre-cut slices.”

Customer: “No! I need it to be shaved extra thin. Normal ham will not do!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but—”

Customer: “Do this for me, or I will get your manager to tell you to do it!”

Sadly, my manager is a pushover, so I spend ten minutes putting everything back together and start getting ready for ten minutes of cleaning after she leaves.

As she is leaving, the customer says:

Customer: “My puppy won’t eat ham if it’s too thick.”

I’m a cook in a little deli. Our kitchen has a little window where we put orders up and call them out on intercom, so customers can essentially come up and talk to the cooks directly.

I get an order for over-easy eggs, make them, and send out the order. Only about one minute later, a lady comes up to the window, furious, yelling at me.

Customer: “I’ve never seen such an ignorant cook! Come over here and look how f****** runny these eggs are!”

Me: “Ma’am, you ordered over-easy eggs; that is basically the runniest form of an egg you can order.”

Customer: “Do you think I’m stupid and don’t know food?”

Me: “I did not say that, but you may want to look over the egg cooking types again.”

She got furious, found my manager, and demanded that I be fired on the spot. My manager basically told her the EXACT same thing I’d told her about learning egg temperatures. A pretty sweet manager and one dumb lady.

Customer: “You overcharged me for my cheese!”

Me: “Can I see your receipt, ma’am?”

Customer: “Here! It’s the Swiss cheese! You should have marked it down because of the holes!”

Me: “What do you mean, ma’am?”

Customer: “I shouldn’t have to pay for the holes.”

Me: “Our cheese is sold by weight.”

Customer: “But a pound of the Swiss is the same as a pound of Provolone! But the Provolone doesn’t have any holes!”

Me: “Ma’am, the air inside the holes of the Swiss doesn’t weigh anything.”

Customer: “Exactly! So why am I being charged for them?”

Me: *To my manager, who has been observing* “All yours.”