Me: “You’re going to get a lot of people stopping by the deli just to laugh at the sign if you make me put that quote on it.”

Client: “Let them laugh. There’s nothing funny about it.”

Me: “It is sort of funny, in a childish way, you have to admit.”

Client: “No! ‘You’ll love the taste of our wieners!’ has been our slogan since my grandfather opened this place. And I want it in bright, proud colors out front.”

I work at a grocery store deli that closes at 9:00 pm while the rest of the store closes at 10:00 pm. The extra hour is for cleaning all of the slicers, cooking equipment, floors, etc. It is 9:45 pm.

Customer: “I want some shaved ham.”

Me: “The slicers have been put away for the evening, but we have some pre-cut slices.”

Customer: “No! I need it to be shaved extra thin. Normal ham will not do!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but—”

Customer: “Do this for me, or I will get your manager to tell you to do it!”

Sadly, my manager is a pushover, so I spend ten minutes putting everything back together and start getting ready for ten minutes of cleaning after she leaves.

As she is leaving, the customer says:

Customer: “My puppy won’t eat ham if it’s too thick.”

I’m a cook in a little deli. Our kitchen has a little window where we put orders up and call them out on intercom, so customers can essentially come up and talk to the cooks directly.

I get an order for over-easy eggs, make them, and send out the order. Only about one minute later, a lady comes up to the window, furious, yelling at me.

Customer: “I’ve never seen such an ignorant cook! Come over here and look how f****** runny these eggs are!”

Me: “Ma’am, you ordered over-easy eggs; that is basically the runniest form of an egg you can order.”

Customer: “Do you think I’m stupid and don’t know food?”

Me: “I did not say that, but you may want to look over the egg cooking types again.”

She got furious, found my manager, and demanded that I be fired on the spot. My manager basically told her the EXACT same thing I’d told her about learning egg temperatures. A pretty sweet manager and one dumb lady.

Customer: “You overcharged me for my cheese!”

Me: “Can I see your receipt, ma’am?”

Customer: “Here! It’s the Swiss cheese! You should have marked it down because of the holes!”

Me: “What do you mean, ma’am?”

Customer: “I shouldn’t have to pay for the holes.”

Me: “Our cheese is sold by weight.”

Customer: “But a pound of the Swiss is the same as a pound of Provolone! But the Provolone doesn’t have any holes!”

Me: “Ma’am, the air inside the holes of the Swiss doesn’t weigh anything.”

Customer: “Exactly! So why am I being charged for them?”

Me: *To my manager, who has been observing* “All yours.”

This happened several years ago when I was a brand-new mom. My son had terrible colic. He would scream and cry for hours on end. Later, we would learn it was due to sensory issues caused by his autism, but at the time, all the pediatrician could tell us was that he would grow out of it.

I could only leave the house for short periods of time with my son because he would fuss and cry the whole time. And, of course, I would often receive “helpful” suggestions from older ladies. One that drove me crazy was ladies telling me I needed to feed my son. I mean, did they really think that I wasn’t feeding him?

I had a few places near my house that I would go when I needed out during the middle of the day when my husband wasn’t home to watch our son. One of these places was a grocery store only five minutes from our house. The only problem was that there was a lady, probably in her fifties, who worked there, and every time she saw me with my fussy son, she would call out to me that I needed to feed him.

She worked at the deli counter, which was right by the only entrance to the store, so I couldn’t avoid her. It never failed; each time I walked in, I would hear, in a sing-song-judgy voice:

Employee: “I think he’s hungry!”

Or:

Employee: “You need to feed him.”

One of the routines I would do before I left the house was to feed my son. Then, I would quickly get him in his car seat and race out the door while he was at least a little happier than usual. So I knew for a fact he was not hungry. I even went up to the lady once, trying to explain my situation and that my son was not hungry, just colicky. She didn’t care and the harassment continued.

I stopped going to the store as often, but it was really the only place nearby I could get out to since it was the middle of winter. And this grocery store was much smaller than others, so I could get through the whole place and check out just before a meltdown could happen.

When I did go, I would scowl at the employee as I passed and she called out her suggestion to me. This did nothing to deter her, which is pretty impressive since I have a Resting B**** Face that can make grown men run in fear.

Finally, one day, I had had enough. I had to go to the store for something, and I couldn’t wait until my husband got home to go get it. I psyched myself up for the usual gauntlet I had to run to get past the main entrance. However, I must have been in a really bad mood, because as soon as she called out her usual greeting, I yelled back something along the lines of:

Me: “Would you please stop?!”

She was a little taken aback because I had never lost it with her before. I was a little taken aback myself because I usually avoided making a scene. As I turned away from her, I immediately saw one of the store managers standing nearby in the produce section looking at me and her in surprise. Completely embarrassed, I put my head down and hurried away, convinced I could never shop at that store again.

However, later, as I was leaving with my groceries, the same manager approached me and handed me a gift card to the store.

Manager: “We really appreciate your business, and I hope that you will always feel comfortable coming to our store.”

I think I mumbled some sort of thanks as I tried to fight back tears (it was a stressful time) and made as graceful an exit as I could.

The next time I went to that store, the woman at the deli counter was still there, but this time, she just glared at me and didn’t say anything. I became a very loyal customer of the store after that.