icon_moviestv

A Racist Plot Twist

, | FL, USA | Bigotry, Movies & TV

(It’s a slow day at work. My coworker and I are standing behind the counter making idle chat.)

Me: “Know what I’ve been thinking about?”

Coworker: “What?”

Me: “Kids’ sports movies.”

Coworker: “Kids’ sports movies?”

Me: “Yuh huh. Specifically, the fact that they’re all exactly the same.”

Coworker: “What do you mean?”

Me: “I mean how they all have the exact same plot, the exact same characters, the exact same tone, everything.”

Coworker: *sounding unconvinced* “Hmmm…”

Me: “Think about it. You always have the exact same set of stereotypical characters: the nerd, the fat kid, the black kid who only talks in pseudo-racist jive, the girl playing on the boys’ team just to prove she can, and the guy who could be a superstar if he could just get past his piddling first-world emotional problems.”

Coworker: “You know, I think I see what you mean. Don’t forget the alcoholic coach trying to relive his glory days.”

Me: “Exactly. And our ragtag band of misfits always has to play the team of rich snobs in the championship game who taunted and defeated them at the beginning of the movie.”

Coworker: “And the coach of the rich snobs’ team was the one who humiliated our heroes’ coach way back when.”

Me: “Right. And our heroes lose their first couple of games until a pep talk from the coach inspires them, and then they destroy every successive opponent they face until the championship game, when the rich snobs are kicking their butts at halftime. Then the would-be superstar finally gets his head out of his butt and helps them turn things around in the second half and they win.”

Coworker: “And as the second half of the championship game begins, it shows a montage of our heroes evening the score set to CCR’s ‘Up Around the Bend.'”

Me: “Hah! Totally! That’s like the ultimate ‘sports-getting-your-act-in-gear’ song.”

Coworker: “You know, you’re right.”

Me: “Like I told you, dude. They’re all the same.”

Customer: “How DARE you!”

Both Of Us: “Huh?”

(A customer has just walked up to the counter and overheard the last thing I said.)

Customer: “How DARE you say that all African-Americans are the same?! You RACIST!”

Me: “What? African-Americans? No, we were talking about kids’ sports movies.”

Customer: “You said ‘They’re all the same’!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I was saying that all of those movies are the same.”

Customer: “Don’t you lie to me, you racist scum! Anyone who says ‘They’re all the same’ is talking about African-Americans!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, I promise you that’s not what we were talking about.”

Customer: “Shut up, you racist! This whole store is racist! I don’t have to put up with this racist store! This is the MOST offensive thing I’ve ever heard in my ENTIRE life and I demand compensation for this insulting racism!”

Me: “Uh… I’m sorry?”

Customer: “You’ll be sorry when your racist a** is out on the street!”

(She stomped off to the customer service counter to complain. Apparently she didn’t get the reaction she wanted from the store manager because she stomped out of the store all together a minute later. Also, she was white.)

icon_touriststravel

Listen To The Lady’s Directions

| Grand Canyon, AZ, USA | Geography, Tourists/Travel

(I’m the assistant manager of a deli at the Grand Canyon that, because of the landmark’s worldwide popularity, receives a lot of foreigners, especially Europeans. Consequently, they don’t know the country layout that well and ask any “official” looking employee about it. I am finishing ringing a foreign guest up on the till.)

Me: “And that’ll be [total]; is there anything else I can do for you today?”

Customer: “Yes, I was wondering if you could tell me when we would see the ‘Liberty Lady?’” *he raises his fist like he’s holding a torch* “We’ve been driving since Florida and haven’t seen her yet.”

Me: “Sir, I think you’re going to have to go back the direction where you came from, and then North from there to see her.”

Customer: “You mean, she isn’t here?”

Me: “No, she is not. She is located in New York, which is about 2,500 miles to the North and East of where we are.”

Customer: *turns to wife* “I told you we should have stayed by the water!”

icon_crazyrequests

Draining Training

| WI, USA | Crazy Requests

(We’re in the middle of a busy spurt of the day in the deli of a grocery store. At this time, there are only two deli clerks: a boy, who is still training, and me. The trainee lands himself a customer known to have an attitude problem and wants him to open a new ham and block of cheese to slice. I am helping other customers as they come.)

Me: “Who was next?”

Bad Customer: “This is taking forever! I’ll have some potato salad!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we’re not supposed to double up on a guest; I need to help other customers first.”

(I return to helping others after apologizing and offering her a free sample of our dessert, as the trainee emerges from the cooler with the items in tow. He begins to slice her two pounds after she repeatedly reminds him to lay the ham flat. Two minutes then pass.)

Bad Customer: “He’s taking such a long time! How hard is it to slice some d*** cheese and ham?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but he’s still in training, and it probably took him a minute to find them.”

Bad Customer: “I’m in a hurry! I want an experienced worker!”

(I’m barely out of training myself, but I inform the trainee that I was going to take over and for him to take care of other customers. He thanks me and rushes off. I begin to slice her ham and cheese, after she informs me twice that she wants them flat.)

Me: “Here you go, ma’am. Was there anything else tonight?”

Bad Customer: “No, thank you. But you should inform your manager that trainees shouldn’t be out here where customers are busy and want to go home. I only want experienced workers helping me!”

(I’m still not sure how you can be experienced if you’re not trained.)

icon_familykids

Just Another Slice Of Retail

| Wareham, MA, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(A customer approaches the counter with her approximately three-year-old son.)

Customer: “Can I please have two pounds of bologna?”

Coworker: “Sure, German or all beef style?”

Customer: “Oh, uh… I think my son here likes the beef.”

Coworker: “I can gladly give him a slice to try so you can be sure it’s the one he wants.”

Customer: “No, the beef is fine. Two pounds, please.”

(My coworker slices the two pounds of bologna and hands it to the customer. The customer opens the bag and hands a slice to her son. He takes a small bite before making a disapproving face and handing his mother the slice back.)

Customer: “Oh, I guess it’s the German he wants. Here, take the beef back and I’ll have two pounds of German style.”

icon_fooddrink

Too Chicken To Pay Full Price

| Wareham, MA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I’m pulling chickens out of our oven. It’s a busy day, so we’re all sold out of our older batch. A regular comes in and I recognize her as the woman who always comes in and asks for, as she calls them, “three hour limit chickens,” as in after they’ve been out of the oven for three hours, since they get marked down to half-price.)

Me: “Good evening, ma’am! I’m sorry, I know you like your half-off chickens, but it’s been a busy day so we are all sold out of the older batch.”

Customer: “I’ll wait.”

Me: “Unfortunately, all we have right now are these chickens I’m pulling out of the oven right now, so it would be quite a wait.”

Customer: “Oh, then give me whatever you have.”

Me: “You’d like a fresh one? Sure thing!”

Customer: “No, I want a half-off one!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, there are no half-off chickens left. All we have are the fresh.”

Customer: “Then give me the cheapest, freshest ones you got.”

(I show her what I have and she picks the ones she wants. About five minutes later, she comes back.)

Customer: “I think we misunderstood each other; I wanted half-off chickens!”

Me: *stunned for a moment* “Uh… Ma’am, I apologize, but as I explained we don’t have any chickens left that have been out of the oven long enough to get marked down, only the fresh ones that aren’t ready to be marked down.”

Customer: “Then I’m putting them back!”

(She put them all on the warmer and walked away.)

Page 1/1512345...Last