I Pronounce Thee Idiot

, | NY, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

Customer: *over dressed for our grocery store location, and speaking with the sort of tone you normally reserve for children* “Give me three la-Zaa-nya squares, an eggplant salad, and one bru-Skeee-ta.

(The customer throws on a really thick, and sudden accent when pronouncing the food. He smiles at me in a way that makes me think I’m supposed to be impressed by this.)

Me: *punching in the order, and repeating it back using the accepted American pronunciation of the words ‘lasagna ‘ and ‘bruschetta* “Three lasagna squares, one large eggplant salad, one bruschetta.”

Customer: “Bru-Skeeeeh-ta” *he drags out the pronunciation even more*

Me: “One bruschetta.” *I agree, again, as per our store policy*

Customer: *looking self important* “It’s actually an Italian word? See if it were German, you would say it the way you’re saying it, but it’s not. Bru-SKEH-ta. See?”

Me: “If you say so, sir.” *getting his order ready, at this point, I’m too tired to deal with him*

Customer: “It’s just like ‘SPUH-geeh-tee’.” He grins at me.

Me: “Of course, sir.”

Customer: “You look like a nice Italian girl. Don’t you want to learn the language?”

Me: *handing him his food* “I’m a boy, sir.”

(His face dropped, and turned an interesting shade of red. He snatched his food away and spit something in what I could only presume is very overly-pronounced Italian at me, before hurrying away.)

Reached Your Tea Total, Part 3

| Atlantic City, NJ, USA | Uncategorized

(I have a moment to take a sip of my drink before the next customer comes to the counter, so I take it.)

Customer: “You know, you really shouldn’t be drinking that tea. It’s really bad for you.”

Me: “Thanks for the information. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Can I get a pack of USA 100s, non-menthol?”

Related:
Reached Your Tea Total, Part 2
Reached Your Tea Total

Getting Sour Over The Sauerkraut

, | GA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(Our spicy mustard is clearly labeled spicy mustard, and I generally clarify, when someone asks for deli mustard, that they want the spicy and not something else. No one has EVER had a problem with this. Our reuben sandwiches – which are half size, even for a “whole” – are also premade except for a little cup of sauerkraut and thousand island, which is also premade.)

Customer: “I want two reubens.”

Me: *looking for the kits underneath the sub station*

Customer: “Oh, and I want one half turkey.”

Me: “We can’t split meats, and the reubens aren’t very big to start with.”

(I put one on top of the station.)

Customer: “That’s not what I want! I want it on the foot long roll!”

Me: “Sure, we can do that.”

(I verify with the manager that we’d charge as a special order, instead of the reuben. It actually ends up cheaper.)

Customer: “Actually, I want one of them turkey.”

(I slice the meats, get her bread, and start with mayo or mustard as the usual, which is not standard on a reuben.)

Customer: “Mayo on the roast beef, mustard on the turkey.”

Me: *reaching for the yellow mustard, about to squeeze it on* “I’m sorry, did you want a roast beef instead?”

Customer: “Deli mustard! No, I want corn beef!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Spicy mustard? And we have corned beef here. I thought you said roast beef.”

Customer: “Well, everywhere else calls it deli mustard.”

Me: “Sure miss, I understand. Our label just says spicy mustard, see? I just want to make sure I get the right thing on your sandwich. Sauerkraut and thousand island?”

Customer: “Yes, a lot of sauerkraut and a little dressing. On the reuben, not the turkey.”

(Unwilling to make another comment that might upset her, I use the sauerkraut dressing kits on the reuben, and go to toast both sandwiches.)

Customer: “You didn’t put the sauerkraut on the turkey!”

Me: “I’m sorry. I thought you said you didn’t want any on the turkey?” *I get the kits and put it on the turkey as well*

Customer: “We don’t seem to be communicating very well. You got very upset that I called the deli mustard ‘deli mustard’ and insisted I call it spicy mustard and even shoved it in my face! And you didn’t hear me say about the sauerkraut!”

(Note at this time, she’s changed her mind half a dozen times on bread, cheese, meats, mayo/ mustard, and now the sauerkraut but she seems completely unaware that she keep changing her mind, and clearly believes everything is my fault for not knowing what she meant when she says something different.)

Me: “My deepest apologies, ma’am. I’m sorry I’m just a bit confused. You changed your mind a few times so I want to make sure I get your order right.” *I get the sandwiches out and take them to the veggie station* “What would you like?”

(At this point, we go through a dozen veggies, where I keep having to clarify both sandwiches, or which sandwich, and she’ll tell me to put something on that I’ve already put on, almost like she can’t see it at all, even though she is staring intently at it.)

Customer: *at the end, I’m about to wrap it up* “You didn’t put thousand island on it!”

Customer #2: “Hey, is there someone else that can help me! I’ve been waiting here forever!”

Me: *to the first customer* “Yes, I did, ma’am, it was mixed in with the sauerkraut kits I put on earlier.” *to Customer #2* “Miss, we all have customers right now but we will be with you as soon as we can.”

Customer: *mumbles* “Well, I didn’t want the dressing.”

Customer #2: *glares*

Me: “The sauerkraut kits were premade and out of my control. That’s what comes on a reuben sandwich, and you said you wanted dressing earlier and just asked me why I didn’t put it on.”

(I wrapped up the totally disgusting looking reuben and turkey/sauerkraut with loads of veggies sandwiches  before she can mutter another word, and I hit the button for the more expensive brand and hand them off. She glared at me, opened her mouth and started complaining that they weren’t labeled reubens (which at that point, they weren’t). I heard her yelling about it to the air as I helped Customer #2, who as it turned out just wanted something for the self-serve hot case, but apparently didn’t notice the lack of glass front. I went around to the back and promptly burst into tears at getting yelled at over spicy mustard.)

Talking Turkey About The Chickens

| PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Customer: “Does your chicken and turkey come from the same animal?”

Cheerily Getting Her Way

, | Australia | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(A man comes shopping with his adorable five year old daughter, and this happens as I’m serving him. Note: For those who don’t know, “cheerios” is a common name for cocktail frankfurts, which kids love.)

Customer: “I’ll have 250g of that ham, please.”

(The whole time I’m weighing and wrapping, his daughter is trying to get his attention.)

Daughter: “Daaad. Dad. Cheerios, dad. Daaaaad…”

Me: *hands over item* “Anything else?”

Daughter: “Cheerios?”

Customer: *smiling but still ignoring her* “Also a half kilo of chicken thighs.”

Daughter: *hands on hips, looking at her father, but it was clear that she wanted me to hear her words* “Daddy, did you say CHEERIOS?”

Me: *as I weigh and wrap* “She has the most adorable little attitude. Anything else?”

Customer: “And a half kilo of cheerios… I’m going to have to watch out for her when she’s older, she’s too cute to say no to!”

Me: “I think she knows it, too!”

(The girl took the cheerios from me with a smug grin.)

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