(I work at an arcade with batting cages, but we also have a play park. It is $2.75 for kids to go in and it is posted multiple places, including the door to the play park. People often go in without paying for a wristband, so we send staff in to check to see if anyone doesn’t have one. We happen to have an all-white staff this day, and the lady in the story is black.)

Boss: “Hey, [Coworker] can you go check wristbands?”

Coworker: “Yeah, sure.”

(About five minutes later, a lady comes up to my boss who is out fixing a game.)

Lady: “I want to know why your worker came up to MY kids first instead of everyone else’s?”

Boss: “Well, your kids were the ones in the play park without wristbands.”

Lady: “Well, I have come here thousands of times, and I have never paid before!”

Boss: “Oh, well then, I guess you owe me $2750. You can come see me at the register when you want to square up.”

(She cashed her tickets in and left. I haven’t seen her since.)

(It’s about nine in the morning on a Sunday. I’m still in bed since I tend to work later hours and get to sleep around two am. The phone rings and I sleepily answer.)

Me: “Hello?”

Dad: “Hey, we’re just calling to let you know. Grammie passed some time early this morning.”

Me: *not even awake enough to process what I’ve just heard* “Okay…”

Mom: “She wanted to donate her body to science, so we’re on the way to go pick up paperwork related to that.”

Me: “Oh… okay…”

(The phone call ends, I finally process what I’d just heard and cry for a while. Later I get a text from my mom.)

Text: “Grammie didn’t want a service. We’re going to be getting together later this year.”

(I guess my family is just way more matter of fact about death than I thought?)

(I’m at my mom’s house for a weekend family picnic. The conversation has died down so I’m on my phone on the app for a major maker of yarns, ordering yarn for a crochet project that I am working on. The type of yarn that I want is hard to find even at craft stores so I have to buy it online. A family friend is there and she is obsessed with a certain major big box retailer.)

Family Friend: “What are you doing?” *as she looks over my shoulder*

Me: “Buying yarn so I can make dish scrubbies.”

Family Friend: “Why don’t you buy it at Walmart?”

(First of all, this type of yarn is a special type of yarn used to make dish scrubbies and is hard to find even at the two major chain craft stores in my area. Second of all, the yarn section at the local Walmart is very tiny and only has basic yarns.)

Me: “They only have it online.”

Family Friend: “But Walmart has everything! If they don’t have it at Walmart, you don’t need it! Why don’t you try making them from Supersaver yarn?”

Me: “No, I want the scrubbie yarn!”

Family Friend: “But why don’t you buy it at Walmart?”

Me: “They don’t have it.”

Family Friend: *repeating what she just said VERY slowly* “But. Why. Don’t. You. Buy. It. At. Walmart?”

Me: “How many times do I have to tell you, they don’t have it?! No one in the area has it so I have to buy it online!”

Family Friend: “But Walmart has everything!”

(My mom then broke in and asked this friend to go help her in the kitchen because she could see how stressed that I was getting and that the conversation wasn’t getting anywhere. This family friend thinks that Walmart is the greatest store in the world and that people are stupid to shop elsewhere.)

(I work for a local bank, and we give out free holiday money envelopes during November and December. We only get two boxes, so we limit five per customer to make the supply last. Most people understand while a few get bent out of shape. This customer is usually a grouch every time he visits.)

Coworker: “Okay, here is your cash. Can I help you with anything else today?”

Grumpy Regular: “Do you have any Christmas envelopes?”

Coworker: “Yes, how many would you like? I can give you about five.”

(My coworker retrieves five envelopes and hands them to him.)

Grumpy Regular: “I need eight.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, but we have a limit of five per customer. We run out before Thanksgiving if we don’t.”

Grumpy Regular: “I ONLY WANT THREE MORE! I come to this branch all the time!”

Coworker: “I understand, but five is the limit.”

Grumpy Regular: *throws envelopes at my coworker* “YOU KNOW WHAT!? I’M SWITCHING TO [National Bank with terrible customer service]! THIS IS RIDICULOUS!” *storms out*

Coworker: “Merry Christmas!”

(Thank God we ran out of the envelopes a few days later!)

This story is part of the grouch day roundup!

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(Mom is working on a crossword puzzle. My sister and I are fans of George R.R. Martin’s “Song of Fire and Ice” books and have read all of them, and we’ve watched most “Game of Thrones” episodes.)

Mom: “This answer doesn’t make sense.”

Me: “What is it?”

Mom: “The clue says, ‘Realm of Robb Stark from Game of Thrones with “the”.'”

Me: “North.”

Mom: “But the answer says ‘icing’ and the other words are right.”

Me: “Let me see that.” *reads puzzle* “Oh, the clue about Robb is number 30. ‘Icing’ is the answer to the one next to it, see? 29 says, ‘It might say, “Happy Birthday”.’”

Sister: “King of the North!”

Me: “King of the Cake!”

Sister: “It’s not wedding cake, is it?”

Me: *mock horror* “No!”

Sister: *wiggles eyebrows* “Red velvet wedding cake.”

Me: *more dramatic mock horror* “Nooo! Not the red wedding cake!”

This story is part of our Crossword Puzzles roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

14 Funny Stories About Dungeons & Dragons

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