(I have just turned 16 and I am looking for a summer job. Since I am looking for employment and am about to get my license, my parents decide to buy me my first cell phone for my birthday. I don’t give my number out to people except to my friends, relatives, and potential employers. One day I receive a phone call from an unknown number, and since the number has the same area code as my city, I assume it is an employer looking to schedule an interview, so I answer it.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Yes, I am looking for Mrs. [Stranger]?”

Me: “I’m sorry. You must have the wrong number. I don’t know anyone by that name.”

Caller: “I know it is you! You don’t have to lie!”

(I try explaining that I don’t know who this person is, and that I have only had this number for two weeks, but she interrupts me.)

Caller: “I am with [Debt Collector Company], Mrs. [Stranger], and before I can go any further, I need to tell you that this call is monitored for quality assurance and this is an attempt to collect a debt. Any information purposes will be used to collect this debt.”

Me: “But I’m not—”

Caller: *interrupting me* “Now, you owe an outstanding balance of [balance] to [Major Credit Card Company]. Would you like to pay with a debit card or send in a check?”

Me: “Neither. I don’t owe you anything. I am 16 years old, and I’m not even old enough to have a credit card!”

(My dad, who has been listening to the entire conversation turns and looks at me. On the other end of the phone, the debt collector is laughing at what I just said.)

Caller: “Oh, sweetie! This ain’t kindergarten! Hasn’t your mommy or daddy warned you not to charge thousands of dollars on a credit card and not pay them back? You can’t expect to go through life and have everything to be handed to you. Do you really think I’m going to believe you, Mrs. [Stranger]? You will pay the [balance] in the full amount today, or I will sue you for your unpaid debts.”

(Having had enough, I hang up the phone and explain to my dad what just happened. He tells me next time they call to give the phone to him and he will handle it. Within the next couple of minutes, the same debt collector calls, and I hand my phone to my dad. He tells the debt collector to stop calling my number and that I am, indeed, only 16 years old, and we know no one with the name she’s looking for. After 15 minutes of arguing with her, the debt collector transfers him to the supervisor.)

Supervisor: “Hello, Mr. [Stranger]. This is [Supervisor] speaking. I understand you’re refusing to pay the debt your wife owes us?”

Dad: “Look, lady: you have the wrong number. Your employee called my 16-year-old daughter, has been harassing her to pay a debt that isn’t hers, and when my daughter told her she has the wrong number and she’s not the person you’re looking for, your employee told her that ‘this isn’t kindergarten’ and threatened to sue her. She doesn’t owe you anything. Now, either you can stop calling my daughter’s number, or I will report your company for harassment.”

(There was complete silence on the other line, and after a couple of moments the supervisor hung up the phone. They haven’t called back since!)

(I have gone online to set up a payment plan for my student loans, only to find out they want a minimum payment of $400 a month. Since this is well out of my price range, I decide to call them directly.)

Me: “Yeah, I went online to set up the payment plan, but $400 a month isn’t going to work for me. We are a single-income family, with two children. Is there any way I can pay less?”

Customer Service: “I completely understand. Let me see what I can do for you.”

(They put me on hold for a couple of minutes.)

Customer Service: “Okay, here’s what we can do. If you can send us a one-time payment for $20,000, we’ll consider your entire balance paid off.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s not going to happen.”

(He ended up giving me the phone number of a different department where they could work with me regarding my payment. But I just couldn’t figure out the logic of, “She can’t afford $400 a month, so obviously she must be able to pay us $20,000.”)

(10:00 am:)

Caller: “Yes, I’d like to get a loan.”

(I explain qualifications.)

Me: “Would you like to apply by phone?”

Caller: “No, no, I’ll come in. I’m coming from [Nearby Town.] May I have directions?”

Me: “Okay, sir, but keep in mind, it takes about an hour to apply and get approved and about 20 minutes to do the loan. Are you sure you wouldn’t like to apply by phone? That way you will know before you drive the hour to get here?”

Caller: “No, I want to come in.”

Me: “Okay, we close for lunch from three to four so to come in to get the loan, you need to be here by 1:30 pm or after four pm.”

Caller: *hangs up without a word*

(2:45 pm.)

Caller: “I talked to you earlier! I’m stuck behind a train. Can you wait for me?”

Me: “Sir, as I said before, what we need to do is about an hour and 20 minutes of work. We close in 15 minutes for lunch. There is nothing I can do until after four pm. You don’t have time.”

Caller: “No, you said as long as I’m there by three!”

Me: “NO, I told you by 1:30 because we close the office at three for lunch.”

Caller: “I’ll be there in five minutes.” *hangs up*

(As I knew he would, he arrives just as I am locking the door.)

Customer: “I made it by three. You have to help me!”

Me: “Sir, you are going to have to wait until four pm. The office is now closed.”

Customer: “But I have to book this cruise!”

Me: “I will help you after four pm.”

(I leave for lunch. Four pm, I come back and he is still there, right outside the office.)

Customer: “NOW can you help me?”

Me: “Absolutely.”

Customer: “But I don’t have any income. Is that going to be a problem?”

Me: “Seriously?”

(My sister uses an installment plan to pay her tuition. Her budget changed mid-year and she ended up being able to pay off the year in eight payments instead of ten, but at the end of the tenth month we get a notification saying her account was cancelled and we have £80 in service fees. I call them to get this figured out.)

Agent: “The 80 dollars are late fees. They’re 40 dollars each for each month. We cancelled her account because she was late two months in a row. She won’t be able to sign up again with us for this year, so she’ll have to make those payments in full directly to the school and if she doesn’t pay that 80, she can’t sign up again next year.”

Me: “The reason why she didn’t pay February and March is because the balances for those two months are zero. I have her account open right in front of me and I can confirm it still says zero.”

Agent: “Yes, she didn’t pay that amount. She needed to make a payment, but she didn’t.”

Me: “She owed ZERO DOLLARS. That’s why she didn’t pay anything.”

Agent: “Yes. She didn’t pay anything for those two months, so she owes us the late fees and her account was cancelled.”

Me: “She didn’t pay anything those two months because she owed you guys nothing!”

Agent: “Excuse me?”

Me: “I gave you her account number so you must have it pulled up, right? Can you tell me what she owed for February?”

Agent: “Zero dollars.”

Me: “How about March?”

Agent: “Zero dollars again.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s why she didn’t pay. Because she didn’t owe anything. She paid everything off by January.”

Agent: “I don’t know what to tell you, ma’am. She didn’t pay us. I can’t get rid of these fees or reinstate her account.”

Me: *baffled* “Can I talk to someone higher up instead?”

Agent: “Sure, but nothing’s going to change.”

(I got connected to a supervisor who I explained the situation to again. When I gave her my sister’s account number, the supervisor understood right away, took care of the problem, but was confused why her employee couldn’t understand what was wrong.)

(I’m waiting in a payday loan office. I’ve just heard Employee #1 tell a client about the rules and restrictions on his loan.)

Employee #2: “When I first came to work here, I thought you were so nice.”

Employee #1: “Back then, I was.”

Employee #2: “No, when I first came here, you were on vacation.”