We don’t wash service cars at my dealership. We have a detail department and there is one wash bay, but we don’t have a drive-thru car wash and with our volume, it’s just not feasible to wash every car by hand one at a time. Since people tend to expect a free car wash out of a dealership service visit, we instead contract with a local car wash chain and hand out vouchers so customers can go there for a wash and vacuum.

A customer comes in irate. He had an oil change and tire rotation done at our shop last week. And he swears that during his service visit, someone peed in his car.

So, that’s already special. But making it even more special is what he claims is undeniable proof that someone peed in his car: when he came to pick it up, he was given a free car wash voucher. And why on earth would we have given him a free car wash voucher if we weren’t covering something up? Not only did someone pee in his car, we knew about it. There is, of course, no other reason we would have possibly given him a voucher for a free car wash. Except for someone peeing in his car.

It’s the only explanation.

(I work as a cashier in the service department of a car dealership. An older woman is brought up to the counter by her service writer, who is basically her liaison to the technician and who keeps her updated on what’s going on with her car and the services. She signs the paperwork and starts to walk away.)

Me: “Uh, ma’am, I still need money, please.”

Customer: “For what?”

Me: “For the oil change and the touch-up paint.”

Customer: “Then what was the coupon for?”

Service Writer: “It was for an oil change for [price].”

Customer: “Oh. Then what am I paying for?”

Me: “For the oil change and touch-up paint.”

Customer: “Oh. I thought the [price] coupon would cover it.”

(Evidently, the woman didn’t think there was a difference between the coupon and a gift card.)

(A friend of mine works in car sales for a major German car manufacturer. There is one woman who is a continual bane to the dealership. Almost weekly she calls and complains about things that are wrong with her car and demands they change them. She always causes such a fuss that she gets a number of free services and discounts. One day, she starts to threaten with legal action over something apparently minor. Most people there hate dealing with her but because she and her husband spent lots of money, the boss tries to keep them happy despite that they’re a major pain. As a gesture of goodwill, they send her a bottle of pretty nice champagne and my friend gives her a courtesy call to see if it has been received. Immediately, he can tell this will be hard.)

Customer: “Hello?”

Friend: “Oh, hello, Mrs. [Customer]. It’s [Friend] from [Dealership].”

Customer: *snaps* “WHAT DO YOU WANT?”

Friend: “Err… I was just calling to see if you received the bottle of champagne we sent you recently!”

Customer: “YES, I DID! IT WAS TOO SWEET AND I POURED IT DOWN THE SINK! SEND A BETTER ONE!” *hangs up*

(After that one, their boss no longer encouraged them to try and keep her happy and told the woman to find a new dealership because they were fed up with dealing with the abuse.)

(I work as a service advisor for a car company. Today is pretty slow and I am taking walk-ins so my technicians have something to do. A guy comes in explaining that he drove to Washington from Florida a few weeks ago and needs an oil change. Since I have nothing scheduled, I check him in. We do the oil change, I give him 10% off for being so friendly, and he is on his way. Thirty minutes later…)

Coworker: “Hey, did you help this guy earlier? He’s on the phone saying we broke his AC and wants to talk to you.”

Me: “Ugh, we don’t even touch the AC system with an oil change, but okay, transfer him over!” *transfers* “Hi, this is [My Name]. I hear you’re having trouble with your vehicle. What’s going on?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m calling because you broke my AC! It was working fine before you did the oil change and now it’s broken!”

Me: “Oh, no, I’m so sorry it isn’t working. Fortunately, my technicians do not touch the AC system during an oil change, but if you’d like, you can come back in and we’ll take a quick look. Is your AC not turning on at all? Is it not cooling? What’s the issue?”

Customer: “I’m telling you my f****** AC doesn’t work! There’s a noise coming out of the vent! It’s broken and I’m pissed! I had no issues until you touched my f****** car. Tell me what’s wrong with it!”

Me: “Okay, once again, we don’t touch your AC system. I can’t say what the issue is, but you can bring it back in and I’ll have a technician check it.”

(The customer hangs up on me. Twenty minutes later, he SPEEDS into the service drive.)

Customer: “Okay, there it is! Tell me what you f****** broke!”

Me: “Can I borrow your key?”

(The customer slams the key onto my counter and I walk out to turn on his vehicle.)

Me: “Sir, could you point out the sound to me?”

Customer: *gets into the passenger seat* “How could you not hear it come on?! There it is, so loud! You broke my AC!”

Me: *lifts a pair of sunglasses from the center console*

(The noise stopped and the customer looked dumbfounded. I got out of the vehicle, told him to have a good day, and walked back inside. The customer sat in his car for a few minutes and then drove off.)

(I work at an auto dealership. A customer comes in to buy out their existing lease. I have to get the exact VIN and miles off the car so I can submit the proper paperwork to the state.)

Me: “May I please see your keys so I can get the miles?”

Customer: *shoves a crumpled piece of paper that has VIN and miles scribbled on it* “Here you go.”

Me: “Unfortunately, I have to get the info from the car.”

Customer: “You calling me a liar?”

Me: “No, sir, this is the process to buy out your lease. We need an odometer statement with exact miles.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. Can’t you just put this info in?”

Me: “No, sir, it’s my name on the bill of sale. I wouldn’t want to send the wrong info to the state so you have a title issue later on. Would you?”

(He reluctantly follows me to his car and unlocks it, still grasping his key like it’s made of gold or something.)

Customer: “It’s unlocked; go ahead.”

Me: “Again, I need your key so I can physically look and write down the miles.”

Customer: “You don’t need s***.”

Me: “Fair enough. You won’t get a bill of sale or the title.”

(The customer’s wife is getting irritated because they drove an hour to do this. I can see that he does this crap often. The customer finally gives me the keys.)

Me: “Wow, looks like you were 500 miles off. No biggie, I’ll make sure to put the correct info on the statement.”

Customer: “Did you just call me a liar?”

Me: “No, sir, I merely read what’s off the odometer. Numbers don’t lie. Here is your paperwork. Have a great day!”