Ironic Irony

, , , , , | Working | October 8, 2018

(My sister has spent over thirty years in retail. As a present for her, I decided to buy a copy of “Pretending You Care,” a humor book about retail and the problems of retail workers. The bookstore I frequent doesn’t have any copies on the shelves, so I go to have it special ordered for me.)

Salesman:Pretending You Care? Oh, yeah, I read that one; it’s really good. It’s about how to drive sales by showing empathy with your customers, right?”

(Oh, I wish that I thought he was being ironic intentionally.)

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Prescribing Some Honesty

, , , , | Right | May 4, 2018

(I work in the pharmacy of a large drug store chain. A few weeks prior to this incident, a man came in and was acting twitchy. He eventually shoved some greeting cards down his pants and put a beer in his pocket before leaving. Shoplifting is hard to prove, but we got it on camera. On a day I am working, he comes back in with some prescriptions. I start putting them in; I have no idea about the previous incident.)

Lead Tech: “Stop! Don’t fill his stuff. [Manager] said since we got him stealing on camera, we can ask him to leave.”

(He goes to alert the pharmacist of the situation.)

Pharmacist: “[Shoplifter]! I am sorry, but I can’t fill this prescription for you.”

Shoplifter: “Why not? I need my medicine.”

Pharmacist: “Sir, last time you were in, we caught you stealing on camera, and we are choosing not to serve you. Please take your prescriptions elsewhere.” *hands him back his papers*

Shoplifter: *takes them* “It was only a beer!”

(He did end up taking his prescriptions and leaving, and the pharmacist filled me in on the previous incident. We were all so shocked that he admitted to stealing, and then also tried to act like it was okay!)

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The Biggest Headache Is Your Boss

, , , , , , | Working | February 1, 2018

(I wake up one morning with a major migraine. I am incapacitated, vomiting, the whole nine yards. I decide to go to the emergency room to get out of it. I call my work.)

Me: “Hey, I’m going to be late; I’m heading to the emergency room.”

(Ten minutes later I get a call from my boss who is on vacation.)

Boss: “You need to suck it up and get to work.”

Me: “And talk to customers as I’m dry heaving? No. I’m heading to emergency room.”

Boss: “They aren’t going to do anything but give you stuff that you can get at the store like Pepto Bismol.”

Me: “Um, excuse me, but how am I supposed to do take that when I can’t keep anything down?”

Boss: “Well, figure something else out, then.”

Me: “I am heading to the emergency room so they can give me medicine via an IV.”

(My boss was left completely silent and just told me to hurry it up and get to work. Needless to say, I’ll be transferring very soon.)

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Boys Will Be (Play)Boys

, , , , | Right | December 1, 2017

(It’s my first call of the day. The customer, a 70ish-year-old lady in a retirement facility wants her cable box moved to her bedroom, because her grandkids keep messing with it when they come over.)

Me: *asking if she needs a list of all the channels we offer* “Ma’am, would you like a channel line-up?

Customer: “No. I have one here on my counter.”

(At this point she starts to look over and it, and she sees something and gets all excited.)

Customer: “Good, now that the cable box is in my room, I’m going to get the Playboy channel.”

(I couldn’t help but start laughing.)

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Smoking Is A Habit That Will Kill You All

, , , , , | Right | October 30, 2017

(I’m filling up my tank when I hear shouting from the next pump over.)

Guy: “Turn the pump on!”

Attendant: *over the intercom* “Sir, I told you that you have to put out your cigarette before I can turn the pump on!

Guy: *getting louder* “TURN THE PUMP BACK ON, GOD D*** IT!”

Guy’s Girlfriend: “C’mon! Turn the pump on! We paid already!”

Attendant: “I will turn it on when he puts out his cigarette!”

(They keep going back and forth for about a minute or so until the guy finally puts out his cigarette.)

Guy’s Girlfriend: “UGH! Finally!”

(They seemed like a really great couple.)

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