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He’s A Hair Too Sensitive

, , | Right | August 9, 2012

(I am picking up my four-year-old cousin from daycare. I see a man dragging his daughter behind him; he walks straight up to an employee.)

Father: “I demand to know who was with my daughter earlier!”

Employee: “Sir, what is the problem?”

Daughter: “Daddy, nothing was wrong. She just didn’t know.”

Father: “No! That lady was rude.”

Employee: “Sir? What lady?”

Father: “My daughter drew a picture of her family, wrote ‘dad’ above a long-haired figure and ‘mom’ above a short-haired figure. And that rude lady said she must have it backward.”

Employee: “Oh, that. It was just a plain misunderstanding. Pamela saw it and went, ‘Did you write Mom and Dad on the wrong people?’ Your daughter explained that you did have long hair and mom had short hair. And she was like, ‘Oh,’ but she wasn’t in any way rude.”

Father: “That’s IT! Your employee assumed that was an error. What is the matter with long-haired men and short-haired women?”

Employee: “Sir, nothing is wrong. It was simply a misunderstanding and Pamela meant no harm by it. I can ask her to come out here right now.”

Father: “Forget it! We’re leaving and not ever coming back. Let’s go!”

Daughter: “Daddy, you’re being rude!” *to employee* “Sorry!”

Gangsta Day-Care

| Related | June 16, 2012

(We have just finished listening to a song in the car with questionable lyrics.)

Day-care teacher: “Good morning, how was your weekend?”

Three-year-old son: “La Policia’s askin’ questions. Say you don’t know nothin’, and you ain’t seen a thing!”

We Will We Will Praise You

, , , , | Right | April 12, 2012

(I volunteer at a daycare. The daycare is very Christian, so we have a Christian radio station playing at all times. A song the teacher likes comes on. Note that it is a very slow “Praise the Lord and His angels”-type song.)

Teacher: “I like this song!”

Little Girl #1: “Me too! Mommy has it on all the time!”

Teacher: “What about you, [Little Girl #2]? Do you know this song?”

Little Girl #2: “No, but I know ‘We Will Rock You.'”

Teacher: “Um—”

Me: “Close enough.”

So Good She Doesn’t Need A Weapon

, , , | Right | March 7, 2012

Little Girl: “My mom seems unemployed, but I think she’s some kind of secret agent.”

Me: “Why?”

Little Girl: “I found handcuffs in her drawer behind the makeup. I can never find her gun or anything else, though.”

Don’t Fool Around With Daycare

, , | Right | March 3, 2012

Caller: “Hey, you take care of kids?”

Me: “Yes. What ages and times are you needing?”

Caller: “Well, I got six kids and I need them outta here while I do my thang.”

Me: “Your ‘thang’?”

Caller: “Yeah, I can’t get my mack on with all them d*** kids runnin’ around. So, could you take them from like… 8pm to 3 or 4 am?”

Me: “I don’t do overnight care, sir. I’m sorry.”

Caller: “That’s okay. By the way, are you married?”