There was a guy I was dating shortly after college, and we’d gone on a couple of dates. I took him to the beach for an evening walking date, and at some point, as it was starting to get darker, we found a spot to sit down to chat, cuddle, and just enjoy the sound of the waves crashing on the shore.

After a few minutes, on the horizon over the waves, this unbelievably red shape appeared. The color was so unusual and beautiful that, at first, I thought it was some sort of party cruise. It quickly became apparent that it was the Moon in a color I’d only seen in pictures. Absolutely beautiful.

We sat and watched the moon rise, and after a few minutes, he asked me:

Guy: “Wait, is it going to keep rising?”

I turned and looked at him, absolutely befuddled.

Me: “Uh… Yeah…?”

Guy: “That’s so cool!”

Trying to understand how he was just learning this, I asked:

Me: “Didn’t you take science classes in school?”

Guy: “Yeah, but I didn’t really pay attention in them.”

Indeed.

To his credit, and to the deepening of my confusion, he somehow immediately jumped to the conclusion that the Moon was rising because it revolves around the Earth.

I was puttering around on a social media platform when I got a message out of the blue from a guy I had one date with on a dating app.

Former Date: “So, there you go, oh.”

Me: “Uh, what?”

Former Date: “Can’t make a wife out of a…”

Former Date: “Finish it. You know the answer.”

Me: “…out of a person you met once on a dating app who isn’t interested in you because you creeped her out and made her feel like she was going to end up on a Netflix true crime documentary? Is that the answer?”

Former Date: “That’s not the answer, and that was totally uncalled for.”

Me: “Oh, so, that was uncalled for, but implying I was a slur for a promiscuous woman was perfectly reasonable, huh?”

Former Date: “They’re just song lyrics.”

Me: “That you used to try to shame and insult me. Try to market your personality; it’s perfect birth control.”

Then, I blocked him. Maybe I’m just happier and better off being single if that’s what is swimming around in the dating pool.

I’m a woman, having a first date with a guy. We get on to the topic of previous relationships, which I don’t have an issue talking about, but men can get a bit weird about it. I start talking about my history.

Date: *Heavy sigh* “So, you’re not a virgin, then?”

Me: “No. Is that a problem?”

Date: “One day, I want to be the one to make the vagina.”

Me: “What does that mean?”

Date: “I’d love to date a virgin since they don’t have vaginas. I want to be the first guy to make the hole.”

Me: “I’m not a Capri-Sun, thank you very much!”

I’m going on a date with this guy.

Guy: “I only swiped right on your profile because you’re a blonde. I always swipe right on blondes.”

Already, I understand why he didn’t successfully match with any women before me. But he goes on.

Guy: “How long has it been since you last colored your hair?”

Me: “A while.”

The last time I colored my hair, I made it shock pink for fun a bit more than a year ago.

Guy: “It’s, uh, time to color it again.”

Just in case you’re wondering, all of my profile pictures have my natural hair color.

Well, out of g**d*** spite, I went home and dyed my hair black.

I am picking up a woman to go on a date. She gets in the car, and before even saying hello or anything, she asks me:

Date: “Do you recycle?”

Me: “Uh, yeah. I recycle.”

Date: “We’re not gonna get along.”

And she just left. I have no idea what happened.