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Here’s A Tip: Everybody Lies, Especially On The Internet

, , , , | Romantic | July 8, 2021

A few years ago, I tried online dating. I started talking to a guy who portrayed himself as being fairly wealthy, with pictures of sports cars, beach houses, and mountain resorts filling his profile page. I tried asking him a few times in our online chats how his family earned their apparent wealth, but I never got a straight answer from him.

After chatting through the site for a few weeks, we agreed to go out to dinner. Our server was super friendly and entertaining, and every bite of food was delicious. When the servers asked if we’d be paying together or separate, I tried to say separate, but my date interrupted and insisted that he would pay for everything. I initially protested, but I remembered all the signs of wealth from his dating profile and gave in and let him pay.

When he filled out the payment slip, I noticed that he only added about a 3% tip; he just rounded up to the next whole dollar and called it good.

Me: “Hey, you should leave more of a tip. She was awesome tonight, and our food was great.”

Guy: “Nah, that’s plenty. Come on, let’s head out.”

I ended up leaving a $20 bill on the table while my date was walking out. We went our separate ways after leaving the restaurant, and after stewing over it for a few days, I decided to message him on the dating site to tell him that I didn’t think things were going to work out between us.

Guy: “Why not? I really like talking to you, and we had fun on our date, didn’t we?”

Me: “Yeah, it was fun, but honestly, you leaving such a small tip kind of stood out in a bad way. I worked as a waitress in high school and college, and if I got that small a tip on such a great meal, I would have felt terrible.”

Guy: “Look, I’ll be honest. I was kind of short on cash that night, so I couldn’t afford a bigger tip. I wasn’t trying to stiff her or anything. I would have left more if I knew it would be that big a deal for you.”

Me: “If you were short on cash, I could have paid for my own meal. I let you pay because you insisted on it, and you have all those pictures on here showing fancy cars and vacations, so I thought you had plenty of money.”

Guy: “Those are all photoshopped. I couldn’t get any girls when I had regular pictures, so I had to do something to get dates. And I know what you’re going to say, but we had so much fun talking and everything. Just give me a chance to show you who I am, and I know we can make this work.”

Me: “Okay, now we’re definitely done. Bye, [Guy].”

I blocked him immediately and ended up deleting my account on that site a few weeks later. I started questioning every guy’s profile that I saw and couldn’t get over the idea that they might all be lying just to get a date.

So… No Second Date?

, , , , | Romantic | CREDIT: Newman4185 | June 19, 2021

I make plans to go to a movie with a girl I met on a dating app. I pick her up because she doesn’t have money for gas and begin driving to the theater at the nearby mall.

Girl: “I’m really hungry; I haven’t eaten all day.”

I’ve had dinner already since it is a late movie and we didn’t plan to have dinner. But…

Me: “Okay, where do you want to go?”

We are right next to a few restaurants, the closest being a casual dining chain.

Me: “How about [Restaurant]?”

Girl: “Okay, sure.”

We get in and I look to order an appetizer for myself and tell her to get whatever she wants. She scoffs and starts laughing lightly. I ask her what’s funny.

Girl: “I can’t believe you took me to a [Restaurant] on our first date.”

Absolutely dead serious.

My blood instantly boiled. I sat there making small talk while she ate. I paid the bill and we got back in the car. I drive her home immediately and she was so confused as to why I cut the date short.

Love Is Blind To Only So Much

, , , , , | Romantic | March 4, 2021

My friend sets me up on a blind date with a friend of hers. She describes her as a good match for me so I agree to go.

On the date, the girl is distant. When she actually speaks, she is very disagreeable, announcing her opinion rather than making a discussion. We end the date with general pleasantries, and I pay and leave with no mention of going any further.

I don’t see my friend for a few days, but when I do, the first thing she wants to know is:

Friend: “How did it go?”

Me: “She seemed nice, but no spark.”

Friend: “Really? She was saying that she had an amazing time and hopes to see you again.”

Me: “She spent our whole date on her phone and wouldn’t make any conversation, at all.”

Friend: “She can be shy at times, but she really seemed to like you. She has struggled to find a guy she gets on with. Give her another chance.”

Me: “Yeah, I’m not sure.”

Friend: “Come on! She has even picked out a restaurant. I might have mentioned that you have been wanting to go to [Steakhouse] for ages.”

Me: “Well, that is true.”

Friend: “Great! I will tell her you’re free.”

I’m not sure if I agree because I want to go, because I want steak, or because my friend pushes me into it. But a week or so later, I meet the girl again at the steakhouse.

Again, she spends pretty much the whole date on her phone or eating in silence. I make conversation where I can and ask about her hobbies, holidays, and ambitions, but I get one- or two-word replies, and she doesn’t ask anything of me.

She only seems to smile when she drinks her champagne. 

Fed up, I eat my meal and go to the bar to order drinks.

Me: “Can I pay for my meal here?”

Bartender: “Sure, that one over there?”

Me: “Yeah, but can I just pay for my half?”

Bartender: “Bad date?”

Me: “You have no idea. I will let her know.”

Bartender: “Probably best if you let us handle it. She has been in here before. She often throws her drink at the guy; sometimes it’s still in the glass. Back door is that way.”

I thanked him and disappeared. My friend swore she didn’t know when she set me up. But I still haven’t been on a blind date since.


This story is part of our Best Of March 2021 roundup!

Read the next Best Of March 2021 roundup story!

Read the Best Of March 2021 roundup!

Pulled Her Out Of The Path Of That Bullet

, , , , , | Learning | December 6, 2020

It’s 1988 or 1989. During the lunch break, I am talking with three other girls in my class. We are all sixteen years old. [Girl #1] has been watching too many American high school movies and thinks she is the queen bee in the class. She isn’t. We don’t have one.

Girl #1: *Looking smug* “My new boyfriend has a car.”

We all look at her oddly. You can’t get a driver’s license until you are eighteen. At this time, there is a 180% luxury tax and then 25% VAT on new cars, so none of us know any eighteen-year-olds who own a car.

Girl #2:  “A car? How old is he?”

Girl #1: *Proudly* “Twenty-six!”

Me: “Gaaah!”

Girl #2: “Eeeeew!”

Girl #3: “Whaaaat?”

Me: “What the h*** do you want with a twenty-six-year-old man?”

Girl #2: “What the h*** does a twenty-six-year-old man want with you?!

[Girl #1] is still fiercely proud, despite our reactions.

Girl #1:He says I am very mature for my age.”

We all give her a silent stare for a moment. We have known her for years. She is NOT mature for her age; the queen bee thing, among other things, is a good example. [Girl #1] seems to understand the silence correctly, as she is now going quiet.

Girl #2: “Can you imagine being a twenty-six-year-old man and having to explain to your mates that you are dating a girl who is sixteen years old?”

Me: “They’ll say it’s because he can’t handle a grown-up woman.”

The age of consent in Denmark was and is fifteen, but it isn’t exactly normal to date at fifteen.

One of the boys in our class walks by and asks what we are talking about. When [Girl #2] says it is about [Girl #1] dating a twenty-six-year-old man with a car, he gives [Girl #1] a “What the f***?” look and goes away again. 

[Girl #1] broke up with the man the same day. Apparently, the main reason she was dating him was to impress the rest of us. She still thinks she was the queen bee and wants to talk about it at class reunions. It is sad, really.

Love Isn’t Always A Hole-In-One

, , , , , | Related | November 17, 2020

For years, I’ve tried to convince my son to play golf, but despite a very promising start, he never had the interest and stopped after his crush stopped going to the golf classes. I’ve tried to drag him back a few times, but he’s been vehemently opposed, and hence, I gave up.

Ten years later, he suddenly comes out of the blue and asks if I still have his old golf clubs.

Me: *Surprised* “Yes, I do, but you won’t fit them anymore. You haven’t played since you were eleven.”

Son: “Ugh. Got a spare set I can borrow, then?”

I’m just trying to figure out what is going on.

Me: “I’ve got several.”

Son: “Great! Can we hit the range together at some point?”

Me: *Dumbstruck* “Of course. You have… had… such a wonderful swing. Let’s see if you can still remember.”

Son: “Okay. Thanks, Dad.”

I spend the next few days in a daze, wondering if I’ve stepped into some strange bizarro world. My son DOES NOT just come out of the blue and ask to play golf. He’s even gone on record saying that golf is a sport for old men like me.

And yet here we are, a week later, driving to the golf range.

Me: “So, why the sudden interest?”

Son: “[Girlfriend]’s dad. He’s a stereotypical old [slang for Caucasian] man.”

Me: “And what does that have to do with anything?”

Son: “What do all old white men do?”

Me: *Sudden realisation* “They play golf.”

Son: “They play golf.”

Me: “So that’s why you’re suddenly so interested!”

Come to think of it, he really only played golf to be with his crush. When she stopped, he stopped. It made total sense that he’d come back if a girl was involved. He didn’t play golf for a decade because none of the girls he’s liked since then — or their parents — played golf. This alone is honestly enough to get me to approve of his girlfriend.

Son: “That, and I realised that in the future, I’m going to have to deal with a lot of old men, so I might as well learn how to play this old man’s sport enough that I don’t embarrass myself.”

Me: “Don’t forget tennis, as well. That’s another thing old men like to play.”

My son swore violently in Malay.

Like golf, he has no interest in tennis. Unlike golf, he’s got no talent for tennis. Too many years of playing badminton have given him some seriously sloppy habits.

Nevertheless, I’m so happy that my son has finally come around to playing golf again. That girl is definitely a keeper.