The guy that I’ve gone on a few dates with introduces me to his parents. Things go well, or so I think.

He drives me home, and we end up talking and drinking a few beers. I don’t want him on the road with any alcohol in his system, and I enjoy his company, so we end up hanging out until 3:00 am.

His mom starts blowing up his phone, demanding that he comes home, so he drives himself home to find that he’s been locked out of his house.

Mom: “You can sleep outside! You shouldn’t be spending time with someone like that.”

I still don’t know what she meant by that.

Mom: “She’s just another stop on the p***y train!”

Guy: “Don’t talk about her like that!”

Mom: “When you’re under my roof, I’ll say whatever I want about whoever I want!”

So, he picked up his phone, called me, and asked if he could stay at my place for a little while.

It’s been seven years. We’re engaged, and we have a dog, a cat, and a happy life.

I also plan on throwing some subtle train themes into the wedding/celebration.

I worked in a restaurant. Every Sunday, this couple would come in, order food, and sit and fight and argue with each other the entire time they were eating their meal.

They did this every. Freaking. Sunday. For the entire four years that I worked there.

Why don’t you just break up or divorce already?!

I hook up with a guy via [Social Media Platform] and chat with him for a couple of weeks. We have some mutual friends, and he seems nice. We end up flirting over the chat and I suggest meeting up. But since he lives a two-hour train ride away, I ask if it’s a possibility to stay the night so I won’t have to do a four-hour round trip on the same day. He says yes.

I go and meet him. We go this his apartment and it’s literally the biggest mess I’ve ever seen. There’s an extra layer of carpet on the floor completely comprised of old, smelly socks, there’s wet cat food scattered everywhere, and his bathroom is littered with loose hair — he’s a long-haired dude — and at least twenty empty bottles of shampoo. (He admitted to being too lazy to throw them out.)

While he was pleasant and talkative in chat, he is very silent and closed-off in person. We end up strolling through town where he does nothing but complain about every person he sees. He claims it’s too crowded for him, so we end up back at the apartment to watch a movie. During this, he also admits:

Guy: “I have no idea what to do when I have people around.”

We venture into town again in the evening after dinner, and now it’s quieter. We get back to the apartment at 11:00 pm. At this point, I’m half-contemplating taking the last train back home anyway… when he discovers that he left his keys inside and we are now locked out.

Cue a rant from him.

Guy: “This is all your fault! You led me out of my comfort zone, and when that happens, I tend to forget things! You should at least pay half of the fee for the locksmith.”

The locksmith comes and lets us in over two hours later. So, now it’s 2:00 am, and my means to get home are gone, so I’m forced to spend the night in the smelliest bed ever, next to an equally smelly dude who obviously doesn’t want me there.

I make it through a sleepless night, bail the heck out of there, and never see him again. He does send a message two days later.

Guy: “So… that’s a ‘no’ on us dating, then?”

No s***.

I have to admit I was being pretty stupid in this story, as well, for trusting a guy I just met.

My boyfriend is in town visiting me. My grandmother, who lives in a nursing home after several strokes, invites us to have tea with her so she can meet him. After several polite inquiries about his family, what he’s studying in grad school, etc…

Grandmother: “So, you’ve been seeing my granddaughter for how long?”

Boyfriend: “We’ve known each other for almost six months now.”

Grandmother: *Fixing him with a gimlet eye* “What are your intentions?”

Me: “Grandma!”

Boyfriend: “Well, ma’am, I think it may be too soon to have intentions, but I have hopes!” 

He smiles and takes my hand. My grandmother looks at me.

Grandmother: “Oh, he’ll do! Keep him!”

She was his staunchest family supporter from that day forth, and she was able to attend our wedding the following year before she passed away.

I was working at a fast food chain and a young man came up to ask me about our hours.

Young Man: “Are you open tomorrow?”

Me: “Tuesday? Yep, open twenty-four hours as usual.”

Young Man: “Even since it’s Valentine’s Day?”

Me: *Pauses* “Yes. We only close on Christmas Day. Everyone is open on Valentine’s.”

Young Man: “Oh, good. Do I need to make a reservation?”

He did not make a reservation. I didn’t see him on Valentine’s, though I’m sure his date would have been happy that he tried to ensure they had a nice evening by making a reservation at a fast food chain.