(I go to college out of state, but come home to Houston every year for holidays and summers. My boyfriend attends college where I do, but lives elsewhere. A male friend I have known since high school contacts me on messenger to ask about my holiday plans one year.)

Friend: “So, you’re going to be home again for Thanksgiving?”

Me: “Yeah, I thought about going to see my boyfriend’s family this year, but we decided that we should just each go home separately. I might go visit him for New Year’s, though.”

Friend: “We should get together when you’re back! We can have a big outing like we used to with everyone!”

Me: “That sounds like fun! If you plan it, I’ll find a way to make it.”

(A few weeks pass, and Thanksgiving break is imminent. He messages me again.)

Friend: “Hey! Are we still on for getting together when you’re back?”

Me: “Sure thing! Is that Saturday okay with everyone? Did you want to do an e-vite so everyone knows? I can set something up and start a group chat.”

Friend: “I’ll take care of it. Are you bringing your car back? Do you need a ride?”

Me: “Oh, don’t worry. I’m sure [Another Friend of ours] can pick me up, since I live so close to him.”

Friend: “No, no! I insist on picking you up! Does [Local Restaurant] sound okay?”

Me: “Sure. I think that should be within everybody’s budgets.”

(I came home for Thanksgiving and the get-together had been solidified. Or so I thought. My friend texted me to say he was coming to pick me up. Upon arriving at the restaurant, I discovered that he lied and didn’t invite anyone else; it was just the two of us. I insisted on paying for my meal, despite his repeated attempts to cover it, and the entire evening was extremely awkward with little conversation. When he drove me home, he even tried to lean over to kiss me as I was getting out of the car. I chewed him out over messenger when I finally got over my shock and disgust, and he acted like I was some cheating girlfriend who had led him on for months. When I mentioned the whole scenario to a mutual friend of ours, he laughed and said that this was the third time that guy had pulled this series of tricks on a girl in our social circles. And every time, he tried to blame it on her “leading him on.”)

(I am allergic to dairy; I will go into shock if I have even a small amount. A surprisingly large amount of stuff has dairy in it and I hate making people wait while I check whether something will kill me, so I often go for the easiest thing on the menu. I meet this guy online and we go to a coffee shop to meet, safely, in person. I ask for soy in my drink and he asks if it is for flavour reason; I state that it is a dietary requirement, but we don’t talk much about it further than that. We decide to continue with the relationship, and a week or so later we go on our first date. He chooses an Italian place for dinner, which is a very risky place for me to go to. I find it a little odd, considering the coffee shop, but I just go for a vegan dish to be safe. A few weeks later, he invites me out to a steak place. I have never been to this place and I can’t find a website to check their menu prior to going. It’s a little bit worrying, but I know most dairy in a steakhouse is in the optional sauces. When I arrive, my date keeps glancing at me, which I don’t really understand. We are seated and given menus, and he is now staring at me intently.)

Me: “What?”

Date: *somewhat smugly* “You won’t find anything vegan on the menu.”

Me: “What’s your point?”

Date: *smug look falters* “Huh?”

Me: “I said, ‘What’s your point?’ I’m not vegan.”

Date: “But… The soy? And at the Italian place?”

Me: “I’m allergic to dairy. Severely allergic, actually, so vegan is a safe choice for me. You took me to a steakhouse thinking I was a vegan?” *pause* “And you thought I would accept it if I was a vegan?”

Date: “W-Well, I thought it would be funny to watch you struggle.”

Me: “You wanted to watch the little vegan get upset over not being able to eat off the menu. Wow.”

Date: “But this is great that you’re just allergic! That means you’re fine to be with!”

Me: “What?”

Date: “Yeah, ’cause vegans are crazy! You don’t f*** crazy!”

(I stare at him.)

Me: “You’re totally right; you don’t f*** crazy. I don’t f*** crazy, or stupid, or a**holes. See ya.”

(I get that some vegans are in your face about it, but that guy was just a jerk.)

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(This takes place years ago, in college. I am renting a three-bedroom apartment with two other guys. My best friend and I are sharing the master bedroom, so we can rent the last bedroom to a fourth guy to save money. One of the numerous people who rents that room is a very good-looking guy that studies law, has everything paid by his parents, and obviously doesn’t have to work. All his free time is spent going to bars and pubs and bringing back women. When he does this, he always makes a show of presenting us by name and making us shake hands with his flavor of the week [if not day], and then he simply slips off to his bedroom that is, fortunately, very well sound-isolated. While we’re washing the dishes:)

Friend: “You know, I used to love Fridays, but now I know I’ll have to meet yet another ephemeral woman that will steal my coffee tomorrow morning.”

Me: “I’m wondering if he’s trying to rub it in our face, even though I don’t care.”

Friend: “What? You don’t care?”

Me: “Honestly, if I was good-looking, rich like he is, and I didn’t have a girlfriend, I would probably do the same. No, what gets to me is the fact he’s NEVER brought back the same woman twice, AND he always has to present that person to us as if he’s looking for an everlasting bond going forward.”

Friend: “That’s what I’m saying! Look, he’s been here, what… a month, maybe five weeks? And he’s already at the eighth woman.”

Me: “Oh, I hadn’t counted. Mmhh, so tonight would be the ninth?

Friend: “Yes.”

Me: “…I think I’ll just stay in front of the computer tonight and play games.”

Friend: “Good frigging idea. I’ll just sit in bed to read a book instead of being in the living room. I don’t want to see him tonight.”

(The subject dies and I start playing my video game on our PC in our bedroom. The game is online, competitive, and intense, and requires pretty much all of my concentration. The guy in question enters the apartment. Unfortunately, the bedroom door is ajar and the front door is in line with our door on my left. My roommate is reading on the bed behind me, away from view. The guy heads toward me with a girl in tow, but I haven’t even noticed they are here because I have headphones on.)

Guy: “Hey, [My Name], I want you to meet [Girl]. She’s—”

Me: *playing and totally in the zone* “Yeah, yeah… Hi, Number Nine.” *halfheartedly waves left hand to them, barely even looking*

(A moment ticks, then my head jerks up upon realizing what I just said and did. I turn my head slowly to the left to meet their gaze, mouth agape trying but failing to find something to say. She has a perplexed look on her face, but he lunges angrily to close our bedroom door while staring me dead in the eyes.)

Friend: *trying not to laugh* “…‘Hi, Number Nine?’”

Me: “I was… He… It came out on its own. I didn’t… I would never…”

Friend: *laughs loudly enough for the whole building to hear*

(I put some clothes on and fled the apartment to my girlfriend’s to avoid him at all costs. The guy told us he would be looking for another place during the weekend, and left the place at the end of that month. I don’t think I would have been able to come up with an objection even if I wanted to.)

(A female coworker starts a conversation with me, a male, about relationships. It’s very friendly and casual. We’re about the same age. I’m single, never married. She’s been going through a divorce and has a four-year-old. But none of that is on my mind as we talk.)

Coworker #1: “Does the thought of dating a woman that already has kids weird you out?”

Me: “Yeah. I couldn’t do that. I don’t know. That’s a lot of complications and baggage and stuff right out the gate, and I’m young enough that it’s not really necessary to handle that if I don’t need to, you know?”

Coworker #1: “Oh, for sure. I can understand that.”

(She heads off to check on her tables, and another coworker comes up to me and practically smacks me upside the head.)

Coworker #2: “[MY NAME]! You f****** jerk!”

Me: “What? What did I do?”

Coworker #2: “She was asking that because she means her!“

Me: “Oh. Well, the answer doesn’t change!”

(For the record, she’s a very beautiful and friendly woman, but my position will hold. There would have to be something very magical between me and a single mother for me to be willing to put myself into the lives of her kids who will, at some level, see me as a guy keeping their mom and dad from getting back together. No, thanks.)

(I met my husband when we both worked for a grocery store. We’ve only been dating a few months at this point, and I like to pick on him about things. A new cashier has just started, and he is around our age, but he seems young and nerdy. I think he’s cute in his awkwardness, like a child, and I mention it to my then-boyfriend.)

Boyfriend: “How can you say that to me?”

Me: “What do you mean? Do you want me to lie?”

Boyfriend: “Well, no, but you don’t have to tell me, either!”

(Just then, a mother with her young son dressed in a Superman costume walks by. A coworker comes up to me.)

Coworker: “Did you see him? Wasn’t he just precious?”

Me: *eyes light up* “I know! He was so adorable!”

(My boyfriend glowers at me and turns a dark shade of red before I burst out laughing.)

Me: “We’re talking about the little boy in a costume! Did you not see him?”

Boyfriend: “Oh, no, I didn’t. I thought you were talking about the other guy, still.”

(He finally saw how funny that was and chuckled about it. I still like to pick on him about the day he was jealous of a five-year-old.)