Back when I was in university, I had a friend who was also my housemate. When we started, he was a nice, down-to-earth guy, but over time, he slowly became more and more conceited and arrogant. He had some better-than-average luck with women and, slowly, he had become convinced that every single woman on the planet wanted to sleep with him. He was also stuck in a depressing on/off relationship with his now ex-girlfriend, which was rife with cheating on both sides. Currently, they were in an “on” period together.

Every time [Friend #1] would go out, he would seem to return with some incredible tale of how he was going about his daily business when some attractive girl started hitting on him. At first, we were massively jealous and couldn’t believe he had this kind of luck. Slowly, though, we began to become skeptical; while he was decent-looking, he wasn’t exactly a male model! 

One night, we were at our student union bar on a very slow Sunday night. [Friend #1], two other housemates, and I were sitting at a table drinking and chatting with each other. Across from us was a table with three girls who were deeply involved in their own conversation. The entire time, none of us spoke a single word to them. At one point, one of the girls stood up and adjusted her jeans slightly. None of us thought anything of it… except [Friend #1]!

As we were walking out, suddenly, [Friend #1] came out with this.

Friend #1: “Oh, my God! Those girls were totally checking me out!”

All of us shot him a “WTF” expression as literally zero words or looks were exchanged!

Me: “Err… mate, they didn’t say a single word to us.”

Friend #2: “Yeah, man, they were mostly talking with each other.”

Friend #1: “Are you f****** blind? That one girl was totally giving me signals! Man, she wanted me bad!”

Friend #3: “Okay… What did she do, exactly?”

Friend #1: “Didn’t you see? She got up and adjusted her jeans!”

We all gave him blank and confused looks.

Me: “Okay… So what?”

Friend #1: “DURRR! That meant she wanted to f*** me!”

His logic was so bizarre and nonsensical that I had to do a double-take! 

Me: “I think she just adjusted her jeans, dude! That was it!”

Friend #1: *Snorts* “Yeah, well, that’s why you’re still a virgin and I’m not! You don’t get women, which is why they don’t fancy you! Man, if I wasn’t with [Ex-Girlfriend], I’d be all over that lot!”

With that, he strutted off, thinking he was hot stuff.

After that, we began to realize that [Friend #1]’s apparent luck was more likely massively embellished — especially after one day when [Friend #2] came up to me laughing himself silly.

Friend #2: “You won’t believe this!”

Me: “What’s up?”

Friend #2: “[Friend #1] just went to the supermarket, and he’s convinced the girl at the checkout wants to sleep with him!”

Me: “Oh, God. What did she say?”

Friend #2: “She smiled and said, ‘Hello,’ and, ‘How’s your day going so far?’”

Me: “He does realize that’s literally customer service speech, right?”

Friend #2: “Nope. That’s further evidence that he’s what the opposite sex wants!”

I’ve never met a person who became so deluded about his own ability with women.

Fifteen years later, he’s still very much single, while all the rest of us are married with children! Seems his skills weren’t so potent after all…

I used to use one of the dating/hookup apps. I matched with a guy, we chatted in the app for a bit, and we finally decided to exchange numbers and meet for coffee. The day we were supposed to meet for coffee — right before I walked out the door, actually — I got a text from him.

Match: “Hey, sorry to do this, but I got pulled into a dinner meeting with a client and my manager, and I’m going to need to reschedule coffee.”

Me: “Oh, that’s fine. Stuff happens.”

He (supposedly) worked for an architecture firm of some kind, so I could believe last-minute meetings. The next day, I sent him a message.

Me: “Hey, how’d your dinner thing go last night? What’s your schedule like so we can reschedule a meeting for coffee?”

Crickets. I tried messaging him another couple of times over the following days and continued to get nothing. I shrugged and figured I’d been ghosted as was the way of things for me.

About six months later, I got a text.

Match: “Hey, how’s it going?”

I hadn’t deleted his number for some reason. I can’t remember why; I meant to and then just forgot. I was surprised enough that I responded.

Me: “Not bad. How about you?”

Match: “Pretty good. You know, we never had that coffee.”

Me: “You’re right; we didn’t.”

Match: “Well, how’d you like to try and meet?”

Me: “Um, sure.”

Then, I thought about it and decided no. Too much ghosting had happened, and while I figured his dinner thing had been true, part of me couldn’t help but wonder. I texted him again about an hour later.

Me: “Um, you know what? I know that I said I’d like to meet, but after thinking about it, I don’t think this is worth it. You ghosted me six months ago, and I’m just really tired of being ghosted. So, thank you, but no.”

Match: “What? Why not? I really want to meet you. I’m really, really sorry I ghosted you.”

Me: “Um, no. I’m sorry, but I’m not interested anymore.”

Match: “Oh, come on! I really do want to meet you!”

I blocked his number and made sure to unmatch him. I also deleted the app, although that was more because I was done with the app as a whole than anything related to him.

Maybe he was really wrapped up in work, but the cynical part of me leans toward the idea that he was either already in a relationship and trying to cheat but then almost got caught, and the reason he texted me six months later was that he’d left the relationship. Or, he’d been trying to meet multiple girls at the same time and happened to double-book himself and the other girl he met first.

Who knows what his real reasons were? But after he started pushing to meet when I said no, I was really glad I didn’t meet up with him. (Although, yes, I always make sure that I meet guys somewhere public — somewhere that I know or have at least had time to scope out — and I always mention to at least one friend that I have a date.)

This is not my story; this happened to my friend. When they told me this, I had to share because I love it and I’d never expect it from the friend who did it.

I work as a server. This one guy always comes to the restaurant, and he is usually pretty quiet and never tips too well. Most of the time, he comes with a couple of friends or by himself, sits at the bar, and watches a sports game. I’ve never had a problem with him until he came in one time with a date. I’ve never seen the woman before so I assume they were new to dating.

They sat at a table this time in a quieter part of the restaurant, and they were seated at one of my tables. I had no problem with them, and everything was going fine. They asked for the check, and I went right around the corner from their table; it was close by so I was quick. As I was coming back to the table…

Guy: *To the woman* “Watch this.”

And he put a hundred-dollar bill down on the table. Then, he saw that I had seen him.

Guy: *Jokingly* “Oh! You weren’t supposed to see that!”

I was ecstatic either way, even though it was so obvious that he was trying to impress the woman. I didn’t care.

I waited until they left to go grab the hundred-dollar bill. When I unfolded it, it was one of the fake $100 bills — I guess for pranks. That means this freaking guy planned this out to impress this woman. It was so frustrating because I needed the money, but at the same time, I thought it was because I had done a great job. Either the woman was in on it, or he decided to be a jerk in two different ways.

I told my manager, who said the guy’s behavior was ridiculous. I decided to hold on to the bill because I knew the day would come when I could get back at this guy.

Two weeks later, the guy came back and my manager recognized him. While I was working at the time, I was on a different side of the restaurant which was already full.

Manager: “The fake-hundred guy is back. Do you want his table, as well? He’s with the woman from last time.”

I often joked with my manager about throwing the fake $100 back on the table in front of that woman to embarrass him if he ever came back. I thought to myself, “Yeah, I may be busy already, but sure. What’s one more table?”

Me: *Smirking* “Absolutely, no problem.”

Before I went over to their table, I ran out to my car to grab the fake $100, which was sitting in my cup holder for this exact moment.

I got to their table and they instantly recognized me. The woman seemed normal, but the guy looked like he was nervous. I pretended nothing had happened all the way until I got their check.

When I brought the check back, I placed it down on the table as well as the fake $100, but I left it unfolded so the fake part was showing.

Me: *To the guy* “Hey, I’m not sure if you remember me from last time, but I believe you forgot this. I’m just returning it because I believe it was too much.”

The woman looked very confused, so I instantly knew she was not a part of it, but the guy got all nervous.

Guy: “I don’t know what that is!”

Me: “Oh, my mistake!” *Laughing and turning to the woman* “Have a good night!”

And I walked away.

When I came back, they were both gone. There was a big $0.00 on the signed receipt and a $50 bill — real this time — where the woman had been sitting. One can only assume that the guy didn’t want to tip on his card, so he wrote obnoxiously big zeros on the tip, and that $50 just happened to be where the woman was sitting, so I’m hoping she had placed it there.

I don’t know what happened with the couple or if they stayed together, but I haven’t seen them back since, and it’s been a few weeks. I really hope she looks for his red flags now.

I am meeting a girl for a first date at a coffee place. I have seen her online a few times (she’s very active on social media) and I admit, she is absolutely beautiful. She’s obviously into the “finer” things in life and seems to have a lot of “photoshoots”, but I don’t see that as any immediate red flags.

I walk in, and she’s sitting there already. We say hello, I start the small talk, and then she holds up her hand.

Date: “Okay, so I am just going to say my piece and potentially save us a lot of time. I’m a queen, and I deserve to be treated as such. I only agreed to meet you because you have a good job and I can tell you make good money. If you’re lucky enough to be considered to be in a relationship with me, then here are the rules that I will not budge on.”

She pauses, I think (I hope) for me to say something, but she’s simply catching her breath for the next part of her speech.

Date: “You will be the provider. You will buy me things, and you will pay for dinners. You will take me on trips, and you will fly us first class. We will stay in five-star hotels, and you will take me shopping whenever I want to. In return, I will always look beautiful for you, and I will make sure all my followers on Instagram know that you’re my boyfriend.”

I’m about to go, “Wow,” but there’s more!

Date: “I expect you to hold yourself to a standard that maintains our lifestyle and how we are seen in the world. This means you will need to dress better, and you will need to learn how to take good photos of me on our trips. If you can’t learn to take good photos, then you will pay for a professional photographer to accompany us. I notice that you drove here in a Prius; that has to go. If you care about the environment, that’s fine, but they make expensive electric sports cars now, and you will need to make sure we’re seen in one of those.”

At this point, I have stopped trying to interrupt, and I am simply listening to see how deep down this girl’s particular brand of crazy goes.

Date: “If you maintain all this and you treat me like the queen I am, then you will be graced with my presence. If you do not agree to absolutely everything I have just said, then it’s best that we part ways right now.”

Finally, I am allowed to weigh in on this conversation. I finish my water, I stand up, nod to her, and then walk away. I simply hear her sigh and say:

Date: “Yet another little rat. How disappointing.”

Wow. I mean, I am ALL for women (or anyone) having high standards for themselves and those they choose to date, but yikes!

I had a crush on my coworker many, MANY years ago. It turned out he had a crush on me, too! We tried to coordinate our lunches together so we could sit in his car and have some privacy. As we were leaving for lunch one day, a regular customer approached us. He was part of a special needs program that went on “field trips” to get real-life experiences. 

Regular: “Hi, [My Name]!”

Coworker: “She’s on lunch.”

Regular: “Oh. I just wanted to say hello.”

Me: “Hello, [Regular]. I have to go, but you have a nice day!”

My coworker grabbed me by the arm and pulled me out of the store and around the corner.

Me: “What the h*** are you doing?”

Coworker: “You don’t have to talk to the customers when they’re not paying you.”

Me: “No, but I don’t have to ignore them, either.”

Coworker: *After a pause* “I don’t like that he hits on you.”

Me: “You grabbed my arm, and you’re bothered that he said hello.”

Coworker: “Well—”

Me: “Don’t touch me again. Don’t even speak to me again.”

I went back inside and sat at the [Fast Food Chain] inside the store. [Regular] sat with me, telling me about a game he’d invented.

[Coworker] didn’t speak to me again, but he did start a rumor that I was sleeping with [Regular] and using him to steal from the store. Human Resources was very interested and did a full investigation. When it came up empty, [Coworker] was the victim of budget cuts. Tragic.