(I am on a first date with a guy I met online. He works for a tree removal business. I teach high school biology. We are both pretty nervous but he is telling me about his job.)

Me: “I guess you learned a lot about tree species before you got your job? I’m more of a zoologist than a botanist.”

Date: “Yeah.” *laughs* “I could tell you a lot about trees. Like, palm trees are growing farther north than they ever used to.”

Me: “No kidding.”

Date: “Oh, yeah, and here there are a lot of oaks and pines that have to be taken out because it’s gotten too warm for them to survive. It’s intense how many of those trees have died in the last ten years.”

Me: “Global warming sure is scary.”

Date: “Global warming isn’t real.”

Me: “…”

Date: “There’s a concert next weekend that I’d really like to take you to.”

Me: “I don’t think this is going to work out.”

(I go on a date with a guy who seems really sweet. He asks me out to dinner at a restaurant right up the road from me that I have been wanting to try for a while. We decide to sit at the bar, since it is Happy Hour.)

Date: “Would you mind doing the Happy Hour menu with me? It’s $5 cocktails, $5 beers, and $5 small plates, so it’s cheaper. We could each get a couple of small plates and make a dinner out of it.”

Me: “That sounds fine to me! I’ve made a meal out of Happy Hour options before!” 

(I am pretty excited because the Happy Hour menu has a lot of small plate options that look really good. We each order a drink.)

Bartender: “Have you guys decided whether you’d like any food tonight?”

Date: “Yeah! Why don’t we start off with one small plate each?” 

Me: “That sounds great.”

(We each order a small plate item and begin to have a pleasant conversation while we nurse our drinks and wait on our food. The food comes quickly and is delicious, but they aren’t kidding that these are small plates. They are about the equivalent of a four-piece chicken nugget — without fries — from a certain fast food restaurant. It’s maybe enough for a small lunch, but certainly not enough for dinner.)

Me: “That was really delicious! I know Happy Hour ends in like half an hour, so should we order more food and a second round of drinks?”

Date: “No, I think I’m good. Maybe another drink. I’m actually getting pretty full.” 

(I am honestly baffled. We’ve had one small appetizer each, yet he is saying he is full.)

Me: “Oh. Okay, well, let’s at least order another round of drinks.” 

(The bartender comes back. Before we can order another round of drinks…)

Date: “Oh, can I get a to-go order?” 

(He then proceeds to ask the bartender for three different entrees and an appetizer TO GO from the full-price main menu.)

Me: *in complete disbelief* “You dipping out on me?” *nervous laughter*

Date: “No, I just know I’ll be hungry later.”

Me: *in my head* “Of course you’ll be hungry later… We only had an appetizer. I’m hungry now!” *out loud* “Well, I’m actually still pretty hungry now, so I think I might order something else.”

Date: “Oh, I didn’t know we were going to eat a lot of food tonight.”

Me: *internally* “You invited me to dinner!“

(I am too embarrassed at this point to try to argue with him. It feels like he is almost food-shaming me for wanting more than an appetizer. He almost immediately changes the subject and starts talking about himself for a while. I keep glancing at my phone to see if Happy Hour is over yet, because I want more food.)

Me: “Happy Hour ends in a few minutes. You sure you don’t want to get more food?” 

Date: “Yeah, I’m sure.” *continues to ramble on and on*

(I’m completely dejected at this point. I’m self-conscious about my weight and have anxiety as it is, so pushing back against something like this makes me really nervous. So, I just sit there with a fake smile on my face, listening to him talk, and attempting to find things to say in response. Finally, half an hour after Happy Hour ends, he looks over at the menu and notices another appetizer that sparks his fancy.)

Date: “Ooooh, this appetizer looks good.” *checks watch* “But dang, Happy Hour is over. Too bad.” 

Me: *screaming internally*

(When the check comes, I don’t even bother offering to contribute. I know that my entire “meal” cost about $10 — $5 for my cocktail and $5 for my small plate. I glance at the bill when he opens it, and it is over $60, meaning he’s ordered himself like $40 worth of food to go, on top of the $10 for his small plate and drink. A few minutes later, we wrap up our date and he gives me a weird side-hug thing.)

Date: “Thanks for taking the time to meet me tonight.” 

Me: “Thanks for ‘dinner.'” 

(Yes, I used air quotes and no, he did not catch on. I then proceeded to stop at a fast food place on my way home to get a $10 dinner that would actually satisfy a grown adult’s appetite. I would have been completely understanding had he not been hungry, not wanted to spend very much, or had he not been feeling well. I’ve had guys say, “Oh, I’m full, but you’re more than welcome to order something else if you’re still hungry,” and similar things. I’ve never had a guy basically shut me down every time I tried to order dinner.  At one point, I even offered to have separate checks so I could just order myself more food. But he weirdly kind of shut that down without being aggressive or outright rude. He just kind of changed the subject. I’ve also NEVER had someone order a to-go order right in the middle of a date, especially while insisting that neither of us should order more food.)

Years ago, my best friend, who is male, met a really cool girl who liked all the same music that he did. There was never anything there romantically, but they often went to gigs together and he would show me the photos afterward.

Despite the fact my best friend had become close with this girl, I never actually met her, but I had seen photos on social media and had spoken over MySpace — under a ridiculous emo name — etc.

This was about ten years ago, when we were all heading to university and we lost touch. My best friend moved far away and my online-only friendship with this girl ended.

Over a year ago, a new guy started working at my office, and there was an immediate attraction. I recognised his face and his surname. Pre-transition, he had been the girl that I used to chat with online! I didn’t want to say anything, because he passed well and no one in the office knew. So, I kept quiet.

This guy and I got very close very quickly. Just for context: I am a stereotypical girly-girl. Long hair, likes makeup and dresses, etc. And before long, I asked him out on a date.

The date went brilliantly, and one date became two, and two became more. My boyfriend still hadn’t broached the subject of his gender, which was fine. But I could tell that he was worried about telling me, and he later admitted that he had dug himself into a hole about it.

One day, my boyfriend sat me down. He was somber. I honestly thought that someone in his family had died! The moment had come. Before he had a chance to speak, I put the poor bloke out of his misery.

I explained that I was pansexual, and that I knew who he was. I showed him my old emo MySpace. Suddenly, he remembered who I was! We had a good laugh about it.

We’d both done the exact same thing to each other: kept quiet just to not rock the boat. Sums us both up, really.

We’re still together and happy. I plan to ask him to marry me on his birthday next month.

I was texting with a guy I met on a dating app for a little over a week before we agreed to meet for an official date. Things had been really clicking, we got along really well, texting and Snapchatting all day, being super flirty, and getting to know each other. Things were going great. 

We started brainstorming restaurants to try on our date and he asked what my favorite foods and restaurants were. I joked about the most expensive sushi restaurant in town, as it is my favorite, but I would never choose that for a date because it is expensive and I’d feel guilty. But he kept insisting that it would be a great first date place, and that if things worked out, it would be an amazing story to tell people how we went all out for our first date.

So, fast forward to our meeting a few days later at the sushi restaurant. Things were going really well. He was quite awkward, but he warned me ahead of time that he can be that way when meeting new people, so I didn’t mind it. The conversation was great and we both were smiling and having a good time. 

Dinner was amazing, at it always is at this restaurant, and our waiter brought over the bill. 

It is at this point that things started to go awry. 

My date decides at that moment, without even looking at the bill, to inform me that he had lost his debit card a few days prior, and was still waiting on the new one to arrive, so he only had cash. 

I was surprised and a bit confused, as he had not mentioned this to me at all leading up to this moment. 

He then asked if I’d mind putting the bill on my card, and he could just pay me back partially with the cash he had, as he wasn’t able to get any additional cash without his card. 

Thinking the date had gone really well, I told him I’d cover the bill tonight if he paid for the ice cream I was craving right up the road, and then pay for our next date. He agreed. 

We never got ice cream. 

He convinced me to go back to his car to “make out” a little bit while our stomachs settled, but instead tried to convince me to do a whole h*** of a lot more that I didn’t feel comfortable doing on a first date, let alone in someone’s car right next to a busy parking garage. 

I went back to my car and drove myself home, realizing I’d been duped into paying for the entire meal with no hope of being paid back. 

I found out later that he decided I was “too fat” upon meeting me in person, didn’t want to be out the $70 for the meal, and figured he’d take a shot at getting some action before never contacting me again. 

What a real catch.

(I go on a date with a guy I met on a dating app. Things have been great leading up to the date. We talk on the phone every night, text each other all day, Snapchat all day, etc. I am really excited for our first date. The date is going really well. We have great conversation with lots of laughs and smiles. It feels nice and I am having a good time. After finishing his food, the guy excuses himself to the bathroom. He told me ahead of time that he has IBS, so I am not worried when he takes a little longer than usual in the bathroom. But then, five minutes pass. And then ten. Finally, after fifteen minutes, our waiter brings over the bill.)

Waiter: “Here’s your bill. Just let me know if you need anything else.”

Me: “Actually, this is a really weird request, I know, but could you run over to the men’s room to check on my date for me? He’s been in there for 15 minutes and I just wanted to make sure he’s okay. He told me he has IBS, so I wanted to make sure the meal didn’t affect him poorly. I texted him, but he hasn’t responded.”

Waiter: “Not a problem! I was actually about to head over there myself, so I’ll be sure to check if he’s in there. What is his name?”

Me: “His name is [Date].”

Waiter: “Okay! I’ll go see if he’s doing okay.” 

Me: “Thank you so much.”

(The waiter leaves and heads to the bathroom. I check my phone to make sure my date hasn’t texted me back or anything, and then I play a game on my phone while I wait. A few minutes later, my waiter comes back, looking nervous.)

Me: “Did you find him?”

Waiter: “Um, I feel terrible to have to tell you this, but there was no one in the men’s room at all.” 

Me: “What? Are you sure he just wasn’t in a stall?” 

Waiter: “I checked the entire bathroom; there was no one in there. I even called his name to see if he was in there.” 

Me: *visibly upset and confused* “There must be some kind of mistake. Are you sure you didn’t go into the women’s room by mistake?”

Waiter: “Not unless y’all have urinals, too, in there.” 

Me: *fully understanding and on the verge of tears* “You all have a secondary exit over by the bathrooms, don’t you?”

Waiter: “Unfortunately, we do…” 

Me: “All right.” *trying to wipe tears away with my napkin* “Well, let me just try to settle our bill, then. You all shouldn’t have to be stiffed just because this date was a bust.” 

(I take a look at the menu, and it’s about $50. I didn’t budget for that kind of spending tonight. I budgeted for maybe $25 in case my date wanted to split the bill, which would have been fine. But I suck it up and give the waiter my card. He hesitantly takes my card and apologizes again for my unfortunate date. I’m doing my best to keep my crying under control. I text my date again to ask if something came up, maybe an emergency, something to explain why he would have left without saying anything. But when I go to send the message, it won’t go through with iMessage. We both have iPhones, so it should go through as an iMessage. I try calling him. It immediately goes to voicemail. Either his phone is off, or the more likely scenario is that he blocked my number after leaving me alone at the restaurant. I am no longer able to contain my tears. I’m humiliated. I have terrible social anxiety, so this is a horrible situation for me. At a huge, huge low, crying in public, with a bunch of strangers staring at me. Finally, my waiter returns to my table with my card.)

Waiter: “Well, I have a silver lining for you tonight. I’m not allowing you to pay for your meal tonight.” 

Me: “What do you mean? I’m sure there’s enough money on that card. Oh, I hope it wasn’t declined!”

Waiter: “Oh, honey, I’m so sorry. You misunderstood me. The restaurant has decided to comp your meal tonight.” 

Me: “What? Oh, no, you can’t do that! This isn’t your fault at all! My meal was wonderful and your service was great. I don’t want you to be blamed or have to pay for this.”

Waiter: “We’ve all been there. My manager agreed that we can spare the expense of one meal tonight. You’ve been through enough. You shouldn’t also have to pay for the meal of that jerk who didn’t even have the decency to say something to your face instead of running out the back door like a coward. Not to mention I had several other customers come up to me offering to help you pay for your meal tonight after overhearing what happened. It’s on the house.”

Me: “Oh, thank you so much. I really appreciate this. You’ve definitely helped make this terrible night a little better. Please at least let me tip you.” 

Waiter: “No, ma’am. You just make it home safely tonight. And I wish you better luck in your future.”

(I stood up and hugged the waiter before gathering my things and leaving. A few people gave me encouraging smiles and one older woman whispered to me as I passed to keep my head up.)