It Must Have Been A Very Long Year

, , , , | Working | November 24, 2017

Receptionist: “Can I get your date of birth, please?”

Me: “[Day], December, 1988.”

Receptionist: “December?”

Me: “Yes.”

Receptionist: *looking around confused and asking her colleague* “Umm, December?”

Me: “Umm, like [Day], 12, 1988.”

Receptionist: “Oh, that’s much better. I didn’t know which month December was.”

(Her colleague gives me a sympathetic look as the receptionist finalises my registration. I head into the waiting room. They are just within earshot.)

Receptionist: *to colleague* “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Colleague: “I didn’t know either.”

(At least they were honest about it.)

Ranger Danger!

| Glens Falls, NY, USA | Romantic | May 27, 2016

(I am on a first date with a guy. As the US invasions in Iraq and Afghanistan have only recently occurred, our talk turns to patriotism and military service. To preface this, a person I knew well had been an Army Ranger.)

Date: “I served! I was an Army Ranger!”

Me: *instantly suspicious* “Oh? Are you tabbed or scrolled?”

Date: *confused* “What? I said I was a Ranger.”

Me: “ANY person who served as, or attempted to become a Ranger knows those terms. So, no, you weren’t. Take me home.”

(He continued protesting, becoming very angry when I refused to believe him. There definitely was not a second date. I loathe military impersonators/glory thieves. But I will give him points for not going the clichéd route and claiming SEAL or Green Beret…)

Past, Present, or Future, She Ain’t Graduating

, , , | | Right | October 14, 2008

(A mother is worriedly telling me her daughter wants to graduate, but may be past the deadline to apply to do so.)

Mom: “She was planning to graduate early, instead of in the Spring! Now you’re telling me she can’t do that?”

Me: “Well, it’s October already, and there is a lot of preparation involved. She wanted to graduate in January ’09 instead of May?”

Mom: “No, she wants to graduate January ’08!”

Me: “… That’s in the past, ma’am.”

Mom: “Oh, fine! Well, whatever technical time you go by!”

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