No Money, No Problem, No Second Date

, , , | Romantic | June 17, 2018

(A friend has made plans to go on her first date with a guy she met on Tinder. They’re both in their early 20s; he’s a university student, as is she, with a decent part-time job. He suggests a nice, upmarket mall in the area and chooses a restaurant which is fairly pricey, but has reasonable prices for the mall he’s chosen. After sharing a large meal — with a beer for him and free tap water for her — the check comes to about R300 — $24. Having previously agreed to split the check, she puts her R150 — $12 — on the table.)

Date: “Oh.. um.. That’s a lot. I don’t have that much money.”

(My friend, feeling backed into a corner by this guy who apparently brought less than $12 with him on a date, offers to cover his half of the check, as well. Unfortunately, he seems eager to get as much out of the evening as possible. After turning down a suggestion that they catch a movie — which he will be unable to pay for — and recommending a bar nearby, my friend excuses herself and calls in an SOS to me. Fortunately, a small group of our friends has a plan to always be nearby when one of us is on a first date, for a rescue in this exact type of situation. We “bump into” our friend and her date in the mall and “remind” her of an important obligation she supposedly forgot about.)

Date: “Wow, when you mentioned your friends, you didn’t say they were models. Hi, I’m [Date]. I like your outfit.”

(He was being really cringe-y and laying it on thick, obviously, and we managed to get our friend out of there in record time. Later, he messaged her to tell her which of her friends was the most attractive and asked for her number.)

1 Thumbs
431

It Must Have Been A Very Long Year

, , , , | Working | November 24, 2017

Receptionist: “Can I get your date of birth, please?”

Me: “[Day], December, 1988.”

Receptionist: “December?”

Me: “Yes.”

Receptionist: *looking around confused and asking her colleague* “Umm, December?”

Me: “Umm, like [Day], 12, 1988.”

Receptionist: “Oh, that’s much better. I didn’t know which month December was.”

(Her colleague gives me a sympathetic look as the receptionist finalises my registration. I head into the waiting room. They are just within earshot.)

Receptionist: *to colleague* “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Colleague: “I didn’t know either.”

(At least they were honest about it.)

1 Thumbs
416

Ranger Danger!

| Romantic | May 27, 2016

(I am on a first date with a guy. As the US invasions in Iraq and Afghanistan have only recently occurred, our talk turns to patriotism and military service. To preface this, a person I knew well had been an Army Ranger.)

Date: “I served! I was an Army Ranger!”

Me: *instantly suspicious* “Oh? Are you tabbed or scrolled?”

Date: *confused* “What? I said I was a Ranger.”

Me: “ANY person who served as, or attempted to become a Ranger knows those terms. So, no, you weren’t. Take me home.”

(He continued protesting, becoming very angry when I refused to believe him. There definitely was not a second date. I loathe military impersonators/glory thieves. But I will give him points for not going the clichéd route and claiming SEAL or Green Beret…)

1 Thumbs
283

Past, Present, or Future, She Ain’t Graduating

, , , | Right | October 14, 2008

(A mother is worriedly telling me her daughter wants to graduate, but may be past the deadline to apply to do so.)

Mom: “She was planning to graduate early, instead of in the Spring! Now you’re telling me she can’t do that?”

Me: “Well, it’s October already, and there is a lot of preparation involved. She wanted to graduate in January ’09 instead of May?”

Mom: “No, she wants to graduate January ’08!”

Me: “… That’s in the past, ma’am.”

Mom: “Oh, fine! Well, whatever technical time you go by!”

1 Thumbs
2,066