Ah, Mondays… On Tuesday

, , , , , | Right | October 24, 2018

(I work in a hardware shop. Yesterday was a bank holiday. I was working that day, as were the part-timers. A customer sets down his order, but then his phone rings, and he answers it. A new coworker comes and asks me for help finding something. I go and show him. When I come back my customer hangs up.)

Customer: “Sorry about that. It’s Monday morning; what can I say?”

Me: “It’s Tuesday, sir.”

Customer: “Is it really?”

Me: “Yesterday was a bank holiday.”

Customer: “Did you enjoy it?”

Me: “I was here.”

Customer: “Oh. Sorry. The day has already been long.”

Me: “I feel you; it’s like that here today.”

(I process the transaction.)

Customer: “I know it’s Monday, but enjoy the rest of your shift.”

Me: *a little crestfallen* “It’s still Tuesday, but I’ll try.”

Your Pay Is Horrific

, , , , , , , | Working | September 20, 2018

(Today is Thursday the 12th, and the company payday is tomorrow. In an attempt to make reference to the Jason Voorhees slasher films, I see one of my coworkers and go right up to him.)

Me: “Oh, hey, tomorrow is 9/11!”

Coworker: “Wait… What?”

(I stammered and explained that I was trying to say, “Tomorrow, we get paid on Friday the 13th.” How horrifying.)

Tardy Tuesdays

, , , , , , | Right | August 7, 2018

(I work in a bakery that specializes in Jamaican products. For our wholesale customers, I provide a notice asking them to please call if they are unable to pick up their order. If we do not receive a call, their order will not be saved for them. We have one customer who NEVER comes for his order on the day he says he will, and so far he has received two notices, both of which I witnessed him read.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t have your order because it was supposed to be picked up last Saturday.”

Customer: “Oh, it wasn’t for pick up today?”

(Today is Tuesday.)

Me: “No, the invoice here says last Saturday. I can see if I have anything extra that I might be able to get you, but your order was used since you didn’t call.”

Customer: “Okay, okay, I won’t get mad.”

(I’m thinking to myself, “No, you can’t get mad, because I saw you read that notice and you never called, so you have no right to be mad.” I go check to see what I have available.)

Me: “Okay, here is what I was able to get you. I didn’t have any [bread]. Would you like to come for it tomorrow?”

Customer: “Okay, but not tomorrow.”

Me: “Okay, when?”

Customer: “The other day.”

Me: “Which other day?”

Customer: “You know, the other day.”

Me: “…”

Customer: *light-bulb goes off in his head* “Wednesday!”

Me: “Okay, sure, no problem. Have a nice day.”

No Money, No Problem, No Second Date

, , , | Romantic | June 17, 2018

(A friend has made plans to go on her first date with a guy she met on Tinder. They’re both in their early 20s; he’s a university student, as is she, with a decent part-time job. He suggests a nice, upmarket mall in the area and chooses a restaurant which is fairly pricey, but has reasonable prices for the mall he’s chosen. After sharing a large meal — with a beer for him and free tap water for her — the check comes to about R300 — $24. Having previously agreed to split the check, she puts her R150 — $12 — on the table.)

Date: “Oh.. um.. That’s a lot. I don’t have that much money.”

(My friend, feeling backed into a corner by this guy who apparently brought less than $12 with him on a date, offers to cover his half of the check, as well. Unfortunately, he seems eager to get as much out of the evening as possible. After turning down a suggestion that they catch a movie — which he will be unable to pay for — and recommending a bar nearby, my friend excuses herself and calls in an SOS to me. Fortunately, a small group of our friends has a plan to always be nearby when one of us is on a first date, for a rescue in this exact type of situation. We “bump into” our friend and her date in the mall and “remind” her of an important obligation she supposedly forgot about.)

Date: “Wow, when you mentioned your friends, you didn’t say they were models. Hi, I’m [Date]. I like your outfit.”

(He was being really cringe-y and laying it on thick, obviously, and we managed to get our friend out of there in record time. Later, he messaged her to tell her which of her friends was the most attractive and asked for her number.)

It Must Have Been A Very Long Year

, , , , | Working | November 24, 2017

Receptionist: “Can I get your date of birth, please?”

Me: “[Day], December, 1988.”

Receptionist: “December?”

Me: “Yes.”

Receptionist: *looking around confused and asking her colleague* “Umm, December?”

Me: “Umm, like [Day], 12, 1988.”

Receptionist: “Oh, that’s much better. I didn’t know which month December was.”

(Her colleague gives me a sympathetic look as the receptionist finalises my registration. I head into the waiting room. They are just within earshot.)

Receptionist: *to colleague* “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Colleague: “I didn’t know either.”

(At least they were honest about it.)

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