(I am taking ballroom dance classes, and have just shown up rather early to the first session of the New Year. My dad just passed away on December 14, so obviously I had a difficult Christmas. Because I’m so early, I’m making small talk with the manager of the dance club, who is the only other person there.)

Manager: “So, how was your Christmas?”

Me: *cautiously* “Oh… it wasn’t that great really.”

Manager: “What? But it’s Christmas! Come on. It couldn’t have been that bad.”

Me: “Actually, it was probably the worst Christmas I’ve ever had.”

Manager: “Wow, what happened?”

Me: *not wanting to be one of those people who overshares personal information* “Umm, family stuff.”

Manager: “Oh, come on. Look at it this way: at least you HAVE a family!”

(At this point I can’t stay quiet anymore, as I have a morbid sense of humour and he’s given me a perfect set-up.)

Me: *deadpan* “Actually, my dad died.”

(He splutters about how sorry he is, and I feel a bit bad for him. Just then another girl walks up to us. The manager turns to her quickly to save face.)

Manager: “You! How was your Christmas?”

Girl: “Pretty sucky. My house burned down.”

Manager: *shocked and speechless*

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. My dad died this Christmas.”

Girl: “I’m so sorry! At least we’re pushing through it though, right?” *we high-five each other*

Me: “So, [Manager], how was YOUR Christmas?”

Manager: “IT WAS FINE. PERFECTLY FINE. NO REASON TO COMPLAIN.”

(We all had a good laugh about it. That was the first time I’d laughed since before my dad passed, and it was also the moment I realized I would be okay!)

(It is our last Friday class and we have to put barres away by unscrewing them from the feet and hanging them. Two of my friends are having a sleepover.)

Friend #1: *tickles [Friend #2]*

Friend #2: “If you’re just gonna tickle me, then I don’t wanna sleep with you.”

Me: “[Friend #2]! So forward!”

(I am a dance teacher assistant. The teacher was teaching a tap step called a scuffle to a group of kindergarten age kids.)

Teacher: “What other tap step rhymes with this?”

Student #1: “Muffle!”

Student #2: “Muffin!”

(The real answer was shuffle.)

(I work part-time at a dance studio and notice that I can’t find my iPad. After some detective work with security footage, I see a woman, [Customer], clearly swipe it off the bench in a practice room and walk out with her daughter, who was taking lessons. My boss looks the woman up in the system and calls the number on file.)

Boss: “Hi, Mrs. [Customer], this is [Boss] from [Studio]. I’m calling about a misunderstanding that occurred during your daughter’s lesson on [date]. After reviewing security footage, we’ve determined that you may have accidentally ended up with my employee’s personal property. Give me call back and we can clear this right up!”

(Several days go by. They hear nothing. He calls again, stressing that he’s SURE it was an accident and all he wants is for me to get my property back. Still nothing. Then he tries a different tactic: the woman’s father, who lives in the same town, is the emergency contact. He calls the father and again explains the situation.)

Father: “Oh, did she? I’ll ask her about that. She’ll call you tomorrow.”

(The next day, this is the first thing out of her mouth:)

Customer: “I have to say, I am really disappointed in the way that you’re handling this. I can’t bring it in this week so you’ll have to wait until my daughter’s next lesson.”

Boss: “That’s fine, ma’am. As long as everyone ends up with everything that belongs to them at the end of the day.”

(The next lesson, the woman doesn’t even go into the building. She sends her six-year-old daughter to the front desk with the iPad.)

Daughter: “My mom asked me to give you this. She said she thought it was a book.”

(That lady better hope I never run into her. Way to involve your child in THEFT.)

(We are in dance class, discussing whether we should organise a cultural smorgasbord for some younger students.)

Teacher: *mid-explanation* “…so you would teach the kids a short sequence, and each bring in a sample of food from your chosen country.”

Student #1: “I don’t want to do this!”

Teacher: “Why not?”

Student #1: “I’m doing Irish dancing! What’s Irish food? That’s basically just… potatoes?”

Student #2: “You could bring in chips! Those are potatoes!”

(Student #2 pauses)

Student #2: “Or beer!”