(My sister-in-law speaks English as a second language; communication is a challenge in most situations for her, and today is no different. My sister-in-law, my grandmother, and I go out for coffee before dropping her off at work.)

Cashier: “What would you like?”

Sister-In-Law: “Iced mocha.” *points to the both of us* “Them with me.”

Me: “Grande peppermint mocha.”

Grandmother: “Apple fritter, please. Where is the restroom?”

Cashier: “Around the corner.”

(When we get our orders, mine is fine, but not only have they misspell my sister-in-law’s name, but they have given her a hot mocha, and they have completely missed my grandmother’s order. I go up with my sister-in-law to help her talk to the cashier.)

Me: “She asked for an iced mocha and she got a hot one, and my grandmother’s apple fritter is missing.”

Cashier: “Oh, I heard her ask where the bathroom was and I forgot about it.”

Me: “Can we get the iced mocha and the apple fritter?”

Cashier: “Oh, I won’t do anything, since you got what you paid for.”

Me: “But you put it in wrong! Can you at least get a manager to void the transaction and re-take the order?”

Cashier: “Nope.”

(We were shocked that she wouldn’t do anything and neither would the manager. We had to get my sister-in-law to work, so she drank the coffee as it was, and my grandmother ate when we got back home. We are still waiting to hear back from corporate.)

(My dad was a church pastor for years, and this is one of his favorite stories about not letting what you see fool you. The chairman of our church board is an old, widowed, retired pastor who, in his retirement, has acquired several businesses and made them moderately successful. This means he drives very nice luxury cars from [High End German Brand]. However, he’s taken a liking to the styling of a new [High End American Brand] sedan, and decides one day to stop into his local dealer and test drive one. He’s just finished mowing his very large yard, and as such, is dressed the part: cutoff jean shorts, a somewhat grimy T-shirt, and grass-stained tennis shoes. He pulls up in his work truck and enters the showroom. He waits for thirty minutes before anyone even acknowledges his presence. He approaches the reception desk and asks to talk to a salesman.)

Reception: “I think they’re all with other customers, sir.”

(He looks around, sees several sitting in their offices, drinking coffee, reading, or otherwise NOT with customers. He begins to figure this out.)

Chairman: “That’s okay, ma’am. I’ll just look around a bit.”

(He looks around, finds the sedan he’s interested in, and manages to get a salesman to talk to him for a few seconds.)

Salesman: “Yes, sir, that’s a fine automobile. Just started getting those in last week. Here’s a brochure and my card. When you’re ready to pick one up, give me a call.” *He then walks away.*

([Chairman] leaves and goes home. He showers, shaves, and puts on a suit. Then he drives back up to the dealer in his [High End German Luxury Car] and parks. He doesn’t make it to the door before three salesmen are trying to corral him. He stops them.)

Chairman: “I’m here to see [Salesman].” *holding up the business card he was given*

(They dutifully go and get [Salesman]. [Chairman] greets him warmly and shakes his hand and asks how he’s been since they’ve talked last. The salesman looks puzzled.)

Salesman: “Have we met? I know you have my card, but I don’t think we’ve met…”

Chairman: “We sure did, not 90 minutes ago. I was the old guy in cutoff jean shorts who was prepared to drop fifty thousand bucks on that car in your showroom. Remember me now?”

(The salesman’s jaw dropped and he stammered out that he did, indeed, remember. [Chairman] sat down with him and his sales manager, they had a long talk, and much discounting of the sale price of the car went on. Finally, [Chairman] stood up, thanked them for their time, and walked out, without the car. He drove thirty extra miles to buy it from a competing dealer, who, when he showed up there in his cutoffs and grass-stained shoes, immediately offered him a seat and a cold drink, asked him how they could assist him, and got him a salesman in less than five minutes. He’s driven that brand ever since.)

(I’m the front office manager of an upscale hotel.)

Me: “Good morning, I am the manager on duty. I heard that you wanted to speak with me?”

Customer: “Yes! There were long lines for the elevators this morning, and it caused me to miss breakfast with the rest of my group!”

Me: “I’m so sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, today we have about six hundred people checking out, and if they all attempt to leave at the same time that could cause some waits for the elevators.”

Customer: “Well, what are you going to do for me?”

Me: “Ma’am, we really cannot control when our guests decide to come and go. The hotel did not cause your misfortune, so I really cannot compensate you.”

Customer: “What do you mean you can’t control when they come and go? You booked all of these people up! You knew they would be leaving on the same day! Why did you let them all leave on the same day?”

Me: “Ma’am, as I explained, we have no way of telling our guests when they are allowed to leave. I’m sorry you missed your breakfast, but the best that I can do is offer you my apologies.”

Customer: “You have to give me something! I read online that if you complain about anything at a hotel, they have to give you something! IT’S THE LAW!”

(It’s the late 1990s, and I’m the lone IT guy for a small company. I support two branch offices with about six employees each. In addition to the standard IT duties, I also do nightly, weekly, and quarterly backups on tape. Because we are so small and can’t afford to pay for off-site data storage/disaster recovery, I also keep duplicates of the backup tapes off-site in a fire safe at my home. This happens one day after I’d been working there about two years.)

Boss: “We’re letting you go. We’ve decided that you know too much about how our computer systems work. If you ever got mad at us, you could crash our whole network. Also, I need you to go home and bring back the tape backups that you keep off-site.”

Me: *stunned* “Um. Okay.”

(I drive home, get the backup tapes, bring them back, and hand them to my boss.)

Me: “You know, anyone who knows enough to keep the computers running is also going to know enough to bring them down. And, if I were really the vindictive type who would crash the network if I got mad at you, I never would have returned these backup tapes.”

Boss: “Hmmm… you’re right. Go sit in your office. Let me think for a bit.”

(I go sit in my office. About thirty minutes later, he comes back.)

Boss: “Okay, never mind. You’re not fired. But you are on probation for six months!”

(I got a new job as quickly as possible!)

(I am the manager on duty on a Sunday afternoon when I receive a phone call from an upset lady.)

Caller: “I need to complain about my car I had there on Friday night before you closed. They didn’t fix my car!”

Me: “Did they say why not?”

Caller: “They made up something about not having a part, but I know it was because they were lazy and didn’t want to fix it!”

Me: “Well, that’s a bit unusual. My guys get paid on commission and want to do every job possible so they can make more money.”

Caller: “No! They were just being lazy! I had to take my car to the dealership on Monday and they were able to fix it right away!”

Me: “Ma’am, the dealership carries all of those parts. That’s where we get our parts from if we can’t get them from any other source. If it was late on a Friday night, the dealership was probably already closed.”

Caller: “Bull-s***! I am VERY upset about your poor service! I thought you were the manager! I want to know what you are going to do for me about this!”

Me: “I’m sorry we weren’t able to help you to your satisfaction, ma’am. I can’t give you a refund because we didn’t charge you anything. I’d offer to fix the car at a discount, but you say it’s already been fixed. What is it you would like for me to do for you, ma’am?”

Caller: “Well, you know what you’re supposed to do in these cases!”

Me: “Well, normally I’d offer a discount or a refund, but neither of those would help you. Is there anything else I can offer you? I am sorry for your inconvenience.”

Caller: “I don’t want your stupid apology! I can’t believe you are refusing to help me!”

Me: “I’m not refusing, Ma’am. I just don’t know what it is you want.”

Caller: “You know what I want! I want you to do what you’re supposed to!”

Me: “And what is that?”

Caller: “You know what you’re supposed to do! I’m going to call your corporate office and have you fired!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you don’t tell me what it is you want, I don’t know what to do for you.”

Caller: “Don’t give me that! I’m going to have you fired!” *hangs up*