Requires No Deliberation

, | London, England, UK | Working | April 18, 2016

(I recently ordered some computer parts, which came to about £27.50. Postage on the order was £2.50 flat rate, so I added some bits and bobs – about a dozen items, totalling another £2-3 or so. The bits and bobs arrived fine, but the computer parts were wrong. After extensive arguing with their customer service team I finally got them to agree to process a return.)

Me: “So, you’ll refund the wrong items, plus the postage, right?”

Customer Services: “No, we will only refund the postage if you return everything that was ordered.”

Me: “So, you’d rather I spend £0 with you, and you are out the postage both ways, than that you incur the same costs and I still spend £3 with you?”

Customer Services: “Yes, that’s right.”

Me: “Blimey O’Riley, this is the worst customer services I’ve ever encountered. Please let me speak to a manager.”

Customer Services: “Why do you want that?”

Me: “I just want to know whether the utter disdain and outright contempt with which you treat customers is deliberate.”

Customer Services: “I assure you it’s deliberate. Would you still like to speak to a manager?”

(Well, at least they’re honest about it…)

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 2

| Tampa, FL, USA | Working | March 12, 2016

(I support my colleagues in a call center who might get stuck on calls.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Representative: “Hi, this is [Representative]. I have a question.” *gives me account information*

Me: “Okay, what is going on?”

Representative: “Okay the members, umm… I forgot… oh! He had a balance of $252.02 and made a $40 dollar payment. He doesn’t understand why, if he doesn’t use his card, why his payments keep going down lower. Umm, let me start over… I’m just confusing myself… He said his balance was at $250, he made a payment of $40, and he doesn’t really understand why his balance keeps getting lower if he isn’t using that card. It’s not because he’s not using it; it’s because he’s making a payment, right?”

Me: *making sure I heard the question correctly* “He says he doesn’t know why the balance is getting lower because he is not using it and making payments to it, right?”

Representative: “Right.”

Me: *trying not to sound sarcastic* “The reason it’s getting lower is because he isn’t using it and making payments.”

Representative: “I tried to explain that to him but he really doesn’t get it.”

Me: *starts to wonder where the math teachers are in the world*

This Is Why We’re In A Recession

Brushing Common Sense Aside

| OK, USA | Right | March 2, 2016

(I work for a company that handles warranty replacements for customers.)

Me: “Thanks for calling Customer Support. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “My toothbrush is not turning on.”

Me: “We can sure look at that. Can you give me the model and serial number off the bottom of the brush?”

Customer: “I do not have it with me; I’m at work.”

(Note we have to have the model number and serial number to replace the product.)

Me: “Calling us without the handle is like going to a car place and asking for an oil change, but leaving the car at home.”

Customer: “So I need to have the handle with me?”

I’m Not Here All The Time

| ON, Canada | Right | January 4, 2016

Me: “Would you like to sign up to receive our coupons?”

Customer: “No, it’s okay. I’m in here all the time.”

Me: “Oh, so then you might want the coupons then, because they are exclusive to the people who sign up and they give you certain percentages off your purchases.”

Customer: “No, I wouldn’t use them. I hardly ever shop here.”

Maybe They Moved Because Of You

| USA | Right | December 28, 2015

Caller: “Hi, I’m at your store location in [City] and it’s not here anymore!”

Me: “I’m sorry; they had to move from that location when their lease expired. The new address is [Very Close Neighboring City, no more than ten minutes away].”

Caller: *scoffs* “Well, what am I supposed to do, then?”

Me: “…I’m sorry; you’ll have to go to the new location. It’s not too far away—”

Caller: “Well, now you’re going to make me drive twenty miles just to get a book?”

Me: “I’m sorry for the inconvenience but there’s nothing I can do about the location.”

(The caller huffs in disgust for a few long moments, apparently too enraged to speak. Then just growls out a bunch of angry words about how inconvenienced she is.)

Me: “Again, I’m sorry, but that’s all I can tell you is the new address.” *getting frustrated now* “What else would you like me to do for you, ma’am?”

Caller: “Well, make it come back here! I’m going to miss the Black Friday sales now because of you!”

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