That’s What I Zed!

, , , , | Right | September 17, 2018

(I’m not sure if other countries do it the same way, but in Canada we pronounce the letter Z like “zed,” unlike Americans who pronounce it like “zee.” I am on the phone with a company to verify a customer’s cheque, not knowing that I’m speaking to someone out of the country.)

Teller: *after I’ve spelled something with the letter Z in it, pronouncing the letter like “zed”* “Can you repeat that for me?”

(I spell the word again.)

Teller: “I don’t know what you’re saying. Can you spell it again?”

(I spell it again.)

Teller: “What’s that one letter?”

Me: “Which letter?”

Teller: “Uh, just spell the word again.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I spell it again.)

Teller: *spells the word up until the Z* “What letter comes after that?”

Me: “Zed.”

Teller: “What?”

Me: “Zed.”

Teller: “What?”

Me: “Zed.”

(I’m getting frustrated at this point, because there is no other letter in the alphabet that sounds like zed, so I don’t understand why he’s confused.)

Teller: “I don’t know what you’re saying.”

Me: “Zed. I’m saying zed.” *then it occurs to me* “Um… zee?”

Teller: “Oh. Okay. I was confused because zed isn’t a letter.”

Me: “Yes, it is. Zed’s a letter.”

Airing Out Your Dirty Laundry

, , , , , | Right | July 31, 2018

(I work for a large, well-known retail store. Our policy for returns states that you either have to have the receipt or a valid ID. This is an exchange I have with someone trying to return an item.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I need to return this laundry soap. I got the wrong kind.”

Me: “No problem. Do you have the receipt?”

Customer: “No, I just want to switch it out.”

Me: “Okay, do you have an ID? I can use that, instead.”

Customer: “Not a valid one.”

(At this point, I lean over to my manager and explain to her that he doesn’t have either, but ask if it’s okay because it’s just a small purchase and a straight-across exchange. She says it’s okay. I start ringing it up, until I get to the part where it asks for an ID.)

Me: “Okay, what do I do now?”

Manager: “Just put in his ID number.”

Me: “Um… he doesn’t have one.”

Manager: “Oh! Then we can’t do it.”

Customer: “I have an invalid ID; can I use that? The d*** state took and suspended it!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but no.”

Customer: “Seriously?! I drove all the way here, and you can’t just f****** exchange it?! It’s the same d*** thing!” *walking away now* “I can’t believe this f****** place!”

Me: *to manager* “If the state suspended his license, why is he risking going to jail to exchange some laundry soap?”

No Agency To Pay Until It’s With An Agency

, , , , , | Right | July 19, 2018

(I’m in accounts receivable, and my company has been back and forth with a customer for several months about $20,000 they owe us. After months of broken promises about payments, we put their company on hold, meaning they can no longer place orders with us until they start paying. Two months later, still no payment, so I reach out one more time before sending their case to a collection agency.)

Me: “Hi. I’m [My Name] from [My Company], and I’m looking to speak to [Owner] about—”

Owner: *enraged* “Oh, I know who you are! Listen, [Their Company] is no longer buying from you! Say goodbye to our business! Is this how you treat long-time customers? You cut us off two months ago with no warning or explanation as to why, and now you’ve come crawling back to beg for our business? You’ve got some nerve!”

(While he is ranting, I pull up his case notes, where we’ve documented every interaction regarding their $20,000 balance.)

Me: *cutting in* “I’m very sorry you feel that way, [Owner], but we have actually spoken with you every month for the last seven months about a $20,000 balance on your account. Just this year, you spoke to [Colleague #1] in January, and [Colleague #2] in February. You and I actually spoke three weeks ago, where you personally promised me a check was going in the mail towards the balance that afternoon. This was a courtesy call to let you know that, unless we receive a payment toward your balance by the end of the week, we will forward your case to a collection agency.”

(Maybe twenty seconds of silence.)

Owner: “How much can I put on a credit card?”

Mona Gleasa

, , , | Working | July 17, 2018

Customer Service Rep: “Can I have your last name, please?”

Me: “Gleason.”

Customer Service Rep: “Okay, Lisa! And can I have your last name?”

No Perception Of No Reception

, , , , | Working | July 4, 2018

(I am having terrible cell phone reception with my carrier, which is weird because for years there has never been any issue. I have checked with my coworkers; everybody on this carrier has been having trouble all day, while everybody else has been fine. I decide to call up the rep to report the incident.)

Rep: “Thank you for calling [Carrier]. My name is [Rep]. May I verify your number, please?”

Me: “It’s [cell number]. I am not the owner of the account, but I am an authorized user to make changes as needed.”

Rep: “Okay, thank you. How may I help you?”

Me: “This entire day, I have not been able to get cell reception in this area. I talked to other people on the same carrier and none of them have any signal, either.”

Rep: “Okay, thank you. So, to verify your identity, can you please tell me the security PIN on the account?”

Me: “Unfortunately, I don’t know what that is; my father owns the account.”

Rep: “Okay… I’ve gone and sent you a message to your phone. Can you please read me the security numbers on the phone?”

Me: “Umm… That’s kind of hard when I have no phone reception.”

Rep: “Ooh… Right… Oookay.”

(I started laughing and we managed to go another route. Whatever happened was fixed and service was restored later on.)

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