If You Like Piña Coladas, And Getting Caught In Small Talk

, , , , , | Right | November 1, 2018

(I live in Central America, and I work for the US branch of a famous online retailer. We’re halfway through the call and I’m waiting for some changes to go through in the customer’s account. The customer then asks me one of the most dreaded questions all off-shore customer service agents fear.)

Customer: “So, where are you located?”

Me: *groans inside and braces for the worst* “Costa Rica.”

(We’re heavily encouraged to not lie, even though a great deal of customers react negatively.)

Customer: “Oh, wow! I’ve heard a lot about Costa Rica from my friends who have been there for vacation!”

Me: *relieved* “Oh, really?”

Customer: “Yeah! They loved the beach and the jungles! Can you see the beach from where you are? I’d love to be able to watch the beach from my office. Do you guys even have computers and Internet? I’ve heard cellphones are new to you!”

(The customer then rants about huts, lack of electricity, and mosquitoes carrying deadly tropical diseases.)

Me: *laughs nervously and tries to butt in* “Sir, the changes went through. Is there anything else I can assist you with?”

Customer: “No, no! Thank you! You guys have fun. I hope to join you one of these days! Bye!” *hangs up*

(The customer must have thought I was assisting him from my private office on the second floor of a palm tree holding a banana to my ear, accessing his account on my fire-powered coconut computer and palm screen, and joining the nearest pool bar for piña coladas between calls. As sad as reality was for me, I hope the thought at least brightened his day.)

Unfiltered Story #124549

, | Unfiltered | October 28, 2018

I work the night shift in customer support for a trading website and we have a policy for sending funds back and if a client wants clarification we tell them to email the accounting department so the accounting department can get back to them.
This happened to me.

Client: Unfortunately I’m not sure as I’m not familiar with US pre-paid cards
Client: Just wondering why if i deposit 200 from a pre-paid visa then give you my existing bank account information why that wouldnt work
Client: oh ok
Me: You should email our accounting department at [email protected] and they will be able to tell you for sure
Client: ok thanks
Me: You’re welcome
Me: Is there anything else I can help you with?
Client: i just tried that email address and it just sends me back to the home page
Me: That strange you mean when you sent the email from your email provider it took you to our hompage instead of sending the email?
Client: oops i mean that [email protected] just took me back to the homepage
Client: web address
Client: can you send me a link to that ?
Me: It is not a link it is an email address for you to send emails to

Unfiltered Story #123510

, , | Unfiltered | October 15, 2018

Customer: Hi I’m trying to place an order online, but it’s asking me for the expiration date for my card and I don’t have that.

Me: Okay..?

Customer: So can you place the order for me?

Me: I’m sorry, I can’t submit an order without the expiration date.

Customer: Not even if I give you the last four of my social? Can you look it up?

Me: No I’m sorry, I don’t have access to your credit card information.

Customer: (very sarcastic) I guess I’ll just use a different credit card then!!

Me: Okay!

5 minutes later customers calls back:

Customer: I’m such a dummy! I ordered the wrong size!

Unfiltered Story #123476

, , | Unfiltered | October 14, 2018

I head out one day on a work order to assist a customer whose screens aren’t displaying anything.

We tried troubleshooting with her over the phone and she confirmed the computer was on and all the cables plugged in where they need to go.

I get out there and the first thing I notice is that her office is quite.  When an Optiplex 990 is running, you can hear it.  So I bend over and turn the computer on, suddenly everything is working, like magic!

Customer: “What did you do?!  How did you fix it?!”

Me: “I turned it on.”

Customer: Really?  That’s all you did?”

Me: “Yep.  Anything else?”

I left afterwards pondering how this woman got a job as someone’s assistant.

Sizing Up To Be An Escalated Call

, , , , | Learning | October 8, 2018

(I work at an office and school supply vendor, where we work with a lot of teachers. During my second week at work, I get a call from a teacher about the construction papers we have.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Business]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Teacher: “Yes. What size is your 9 by 11 paper?

(I pause, because I am a little confused, and then I answer:)

Me: “It is 9 inches wide and 11 inches long.”

Teacher: “No, what size is it?”

Me: *even more confused* “It is 9 inches by 11 inches, and the weight of the paper is between 65 to 80 pounds depending on the manufacturer.”

Teacher: “NO! What size is the 9 by 11 construction paper?”

Me: *thinking maybe she wants the metric size* “It’s about 23 centimeters wide and 28 centimeters long.”

Teacher: “What don’t you understand!? What size is your construction paper?! If I want the wider side at the top, then what would it be?”

Me: “It would then be 11 by 9 inches, or 28 by 23 centimeters.”

Teacher: “UGH! Do you have someone there who knows what they are doing?”

(I very happily transferred her to a special team who takes our escalated calls. They weren’t able to help her, either. She ended up yelling at them that she was going to take her business elsewhere and she would encourage her school district to do the same.)

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