Hoping You Were Cat-atonic

, , , | Right | March 6, 2019

(I work in the consumer care department of a pet food manufacturer.)

Me: “[My Name] speaking; how may I assist you?”

Caller: “Hi there. I buy your cat food, and for some reason all three of my cats are refusing to eat this new bag of food; something must be wrong with it. They just refuse to eat it at all!”

Me: “All right. Could you advise if there seems to be anything physically amiss with it? Does it look or smell different?”

Caller: “No, but they won’t eat it, so there must be something wrong! My cats are starving; they have nothing else to eat now!”

Me: “All right. I’ll just need a few details off of the bag, and then I can have a replacement delivered to you. We will also have the remaining food collected to do testing on it, to see if anything is wrong with it.”

Caller: “Oh, great! Uh… When might you arrive to collect the food? There might not be anything left by then; I have to keep feeding this food to my cats until you give me the replacement.”

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Unfiltered Story #141858

, , | Unfiltered | February 26, 2019

(We work with doctors offices all over the country, often getting information from their databases or needing specific patient information for us to troubleshoot our program with them. I overheard my coworker describing this conversation with a customer.)

Coworker: Ok, the Excel file you sent is locked. We need the password for it.

Office: It could be one of two passwords.

Coworker: Alright. What’s the first one?

Office: “catdog”.

Coworker: …

Coworker: Ok, that didn’t work. What’s the other one?

Office: B – as in bananas – A…N…A…N…A…S.

Coworker: … So your password is “bananas”.

Office: Yes.

Frequently Annoying Questions

, , , | Right | February 22, 2019

(A new card has been implemented for a major transit company. My mother is a customer. When trying to register for a new account, we get locked out. We call customer service, and thirty-something minutes later we end up getting transferred to a supervisor.)

Mom: “Hi. We can’t register our card on your website.”

Me: *cuts in* “The third-party kiosk we bought it at didn’t give us a PIN, but they did ask for a birthday, so we thought that must be the PIN, and we tried three times and now we’re locked out.”

Manager: “Oh, of course. I’ll just unlock your account for you.”

(She did that and we were through in about a minute. I was just about to say thank you and hang up when my mom started asking more questions. She was reading questions off the FAQ page. In order. While looking at the answers. I ended up stealing the phone back after what seemed like an eternity and just saying thank you for their time and goodbye.)

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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part We Don’t Even Know Anymore

, , , , , | Right | February 21, 2019

(I work for a credit card company. The calls are frustrating, and honestly, I am tempted to close so many accounts and transfer the customer to Spanish. This woman calls in confused about interest.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. How can I help you?”

Caller: “My name is [Caller]. Why is there a $1.63 charge in my account? It says it’s a finance charge?”

(Looking over her account I see she is referring to interest; the company just marks it on the statement as a finance charge.)

Me: “Ma’am, I show this is interest because you only make the minimum payment.”

Caller: “Yeah, because that is all I have to pay.”

Me: “That is what you have to pay to avoid a late fee, but to avoid interest you have to pay the full statement balance. I show you have been receiving interest for the last ten months.”

(I am about to end my shift and don’t want to argue, so I am going to offer to waive three months of the small, $2 charges to try and end the call, but before I can offer…)

Caller: “No. I just have to make the minimum. That is how I avoid it. I’m new at cards, but I know that is how it works. So, you are going to waive the interest and make sure it doesn’t show up again on my account.”

(I really want to yell at her but I decide to try and teach her with sense.)

Me: “Ma’am, that is not how interest is calculate—“

Caller: “How the h*** am I supposed to know that? I want it in writing!”

Me: “If you have a copy of your statement, it says it there—“ *reads off the whole paragraph of info* “It also said it on your terms and conditions you received with your card and whenever you make a payment.”

Caller: “What if I didn’t understand It?”

Me: “You could call in and we can explain it to you; that is what we are here for.”

Caller: “What if I don’t know what I need to ask? Or find out what I need to know if I don’t know?”

(Confused and in utter shock at the level of stupid I just heard, I have had it.)

Me: “Then you call in and start the call with, ‘I don’t understand how credit cards work; please enlighten me.’”

Caller: “F*** you, b****!”

(I hung up and noted how rude and stupid she was. Someone ended up listening to it and my supervisor came and spoke to me about it. They told me I should have just given her what she wanted. I left the next week.)

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A Catalog Of Physical Errors

, , , , | Right | February 6, 2019

(My mother works as a customer service representative for a company that makes lamps. About five years ago, they started listing all of their products online, rather than in print. Today she told me about a particular customer that called her.)

Mom: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I have an old catalog of yours, and I was wondering if you could send me a more current one.”

Mom: “You can see our most current catalog online at [Website].”

Caller: “No, no, I need it in a book.”

Mom: “The last physical copy of our catalog was printed in 2012. Our catalog is online now.”

Caller: “So you haven’t been making lamps since 2012?”

Mom: “No, we still make lamps. Our catalog is on our website, [Website].”

(The caller starts to get angry.)

Caller: “No, no, no! I need a physical copy of your catalog to put on my shelf! Send me your most recent catalog in a book!”

Mom: “Sir, I can’t do that. We don’t print our catalog anymore. You need to use our website.”

(This went back and forth for another minute or so before the caller hung up. Some people just can’t take no for an answer.)

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