It’s All Greek To Me

, , , , | Right | January 4, 2019

(I work in customer service for an Internet service provider in Cyprus. Our systems give customers the option for Greek or English before connecting them to an agent. We are having a relatively quiet day, and then I get this call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [ISP]. This is [My Name]; how may I help you?”

Caller: *sounds annoyed* “Yeah, my Internet’s down.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir. Give me a moment to check on that.”

(I glance at the phone number he’s calling from and I see way more numbers than there should be.)

Me: “Sir? Where are you calling from exactly?”

Caller: “What? My house! What kind of question is that?”

Me: “I mean what country, sir.”

Caller: “Are you stupid? The USA, of course! What the h*** is wrong with you?”

Me: “You called an ISP in Cyprus, sir. That’s a European country, and I’m sure we don’t provide you or anyone in the USA with any kind of services.”

Caller: *yelling* “How dare you lie to me to get out of doing your job? I can hear you! You f****** sound American!”

Me: “I studied in the USA, though I doubt I still have the accent. That doesn’t change the fact that you called the wrong number and country. You need to call your ISP; I don’t know how you got our number but—“

(He cuts me off and goes on calling me names, saying I’m lazy and a liar, saying that I created a made-up country just to get out of doing work, and so on. I’m getting really annoyed, so I talk over him. Normally this would be a big no-no for my manager, but I risk it since there’s no chance this guy is or ever will be our customer.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t help you. I doubt anyone can, so I’m hanging up now, but if you ever get your Internet back I suggest you Google where you called and maybe learn something.”

(Later I found out he called back several times, getting more and more annoyed with our agents until someone connected him to our manager. Turns out he went out to find a connection then he somehow ended up on our website, figured, “Eh, an ISP is an ISP,” wrote our number down, and gave us a call. As far as I know, he still thinks we lied to him just to get out of a bit of extra work.)

Unfiltered Story #135411

, | Unfiltered | January 3, 2019

(This happens very often:)

Customer: “I’d like to complain about [insert random complaint].”

Me: “Okay, let me get the manager.”

(I get the manager.)

Me: “[Manager] this customers is complaining about–”

Customer: *embarrassed* “Oh, ha! Well, I wasn’t really complaining–I mean, uh, I just saying–”

(Complaining just for the sake of complaining and not wanting us to do anything about it. Gotcha.)

Unfiltered Story #134089

, , | Unfiltered | December 21, 2018

(Our store has office supplies, electronics, and a copy shop. In Canada, we have chips on our debit and credit cards, where the cards have to be inserted into the machine and stay in until the machine says to remove. Also you need a pin on even the credit cards. There are signs everywhere in our store explaining many things that shouldn’t need to be explained. Here are a few of the interactions that happen ALL THE TIME in my store)

Customer: It says to take my card out. What should I do?

Me: *speechless*

_____

Customer: This copier won’t work! Why won’t it turn on!?

Me: You have to press the energy saver button; it’s gone into sleep mode.

Customer: Well you should have a sign somewhere saying that!

Me: *points to sign*

_____

Customer: Why is this copier charging me so much! I don’t want colour copies!

Me: That’s the colour machine.

Customer: But I don’t want them in colour! How am I supposed to know this is the colour machine!?

Me: *points to sign*

_____

Me: Has someone helped you yet?

Customer: Yes.

Me: Ok, great. *walks away*

*later*

Customer: Aren’t you going to help me!?

Me: Um, you said someone was already

Customer: No I didn’t!

_____

Customer: I need help with printers

Me: Ok, I’ll call someone over for you

Customer: Why can’t you help me?

Me: because I’m the only cashier and if I go help you in printers, there will be no one on cash…

Customer: This is ridiculous! I don’t want to wait!

____

Customer: Oh, I don’t know the pin on my credit card.

Me: Then you’ll have to use another card.

Customer: Can’t you just override it?

Me: No, that would defeat the purpose of having a pin.

____

Customer: Come help me

Me: What do you need help with?

Customer: (Walking away) Over here

Me: I can’t leave the cash. If you tell me what you need help with, I’ll get someone over right away for you

Customer: JUST COME HELP ME

___

Customer: I need copies

Me: Ok, do you want 1 hour express, or you can you leave it with us for a while?

Customer: No, I need it right now.

Me: I can’t guarantee it will be done right away. I can guarantee 1 hour.

Customer: but don’t you just like, hit print?

Unfiltered Story #131593

, | Unfiltered | December 5, 2018

(I work in customer care for a well-known photo company, which has grown from developing analogue film to being an online-based company that only deals with digital pictures. Despite the decade-long rollover is still somewhat new to our older clientele, despite the decrease in use of analogue film over the last decades. This is a usual phone call from said older customers.)
Me: “Hi! Thank you for calling [company name]! What can I do for you?”
Customer: “Hi! Do you still develop film?”
Me: “No, unfortunately we discontinued that service September of last year.”
Customer: “Oh no! Are there others who still develop?”
Me: “Yes, fortunately [competing company] still develop film in their stores, so you can contact them for further assistance.”
Customer: “But you do not develop any film?”
Me: “No.”
Customer: *in a panicky voice* “When did you stop?”
Me: “… September of last year.”
Customer: “But I have so many films that need developing! What should I do now?”
Me: *head on desk* “As I’ve previously said, [competing company] still develops film in their stores …”

Assuming Brick Walls Are Doors Shouldn’t Be Left To Muggles

, , , , | Right | November 28, 2018

(Our mall has recently been renovated. Most of the stores have closed and the building has been turned into a strip mall. When the building was an indoor mall, we always had customers coming into our store to ask us questions about the mall in general, or about other stores, since our store was closest to the entrance. We thought we would be finally getting away from that now that there is no “mall” anymore, and every store has their own entrance. Of course, we are wrong. Here are transactions that happen far too many times a day.)

Customer #1: “How do I get to [Store]?”

Me: “It’s just along the strip now, with its own entrance.”

Customer #1: “So it’s gone?!”

Me: “No, it’s out front with its own entrance, like every other store.”

(And this one…)

Customer #2: “How do I get into the mall?”

Me: “You don’t. There’s no mall anymore.”

Customer #2: “No, but I need to get to [Store].”

Me: “Yeah, it has its own entrance now, just like us. It’s just along the strip out front.”

Customer #2: “But they’ll be bringing the mall back, right?”

Me: “No. It’s a strip mall now.”

Customer: “Right, until they’re done renovating.”

Me #2: “No. They’re renovating to make it a strip mall.”

(And this one…)

Customer #3: “I have an appointment at [Store] and now I can’t get to it!”

Me: “Yes, you can. It’s just out front, right in between [Other Stores]. It has its own outside entrance.”

Customer #3: “No, it doesn’t! There’s a fence around the doors!”

Me: “There’s a fence around the old mall doors, but [Store] is farther down, with its own entrance.”

Customer #3: “No! There’s a fence around it!”

(And this one…)

Customer #4: “How am I supposed to get into the mall!?”

Me: “You can’t anymore. Every store has its own outside entrance now.”

Customer #4: “But there’s a fence in front of the mall doors!”

Me: “Yes, because they’re doing construction. There’s a store going in there.”

Customer #4: “Well, how do I get into the mall, then?!”

Me: “You can’t. There’s no mall anymore.”

(And this one…)

Customer #5: “So, is this [Our Store] and also [Other Store]?”

Me: *confused* “No… It’s just [Our Store].”

Customer #5: “But [Other Store] isn’t in the mall anymore. So, is it in here?”

Me: “No, this is just [Our Store]. [Other Store] is farther down, with its own entrance.”

Customer #5: *looking around* “So, I can’t get to it from in here, then?”

Me: “No.”

(And yet another… Our new outside door is finished and is being used by the public. The construction crew has just finished putting the wall in where our old mall door used to be. It’s a complete, finished, drywalled, and painted wall.)

Customer #6: “So, we can’t use that door anymore, then?”

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