I work for a local council. We have a regular landlord who comes in to complain about his tenants’ Council Tax. We have seen the tenancy agreements he writes up and some of them have ridiculous conditions for the tenants to sign.

Landlord: “I have been sent the Council Tax bill for [address] in my name, but I am not liable. The tenancy for [Tenant] hasn’t ended yet; therefore, he is liable.”

After checking notes on the system:

Me: “Sir, sadly, this customer has passed away. He does not have any living relatives or executors. As this property belongs to you, you are liable for the Council Tax.”

Landlord: “Well, his tenancy agreement is on your system, so you will be able to see that he signed it for until [date], making him liable.”

He made a ninety-six-year-old man sign a four-year tenancy.

Me: “Sir, he didn’t know he was going to die, did he?”

Landlord: *Arrogant* “No.”

Me: “Sir, do you know when you are going to die?”

Landlord: *Scoffs* “No, of course not.”

Me: “So, how do you expect him to pay if he is dead? How would you like it if I made you pay the Council Tax after you died?”

Landlord: *Again all arrogant* “You can’t because I’d be dead!”

Me: “Exactly.”

He walked away mumbling, “But he signed a four-year tenancy!”

Related:
Death And Taxes

I help people with their problems on their applications.

Me: “Thanks for calling [Company]. This is the helpline; how may I help you?”

Customer: “I need help with ya computer s***.”

Me: “Okay, I’m glad to help. What do you see on your desktop computer that is giving you problems?”

Customer: “I see my TV dinner, Pepsi cola, and lipstick. How in da h*** are you going to help me asking what I am eating?!”

Me: “Ma’am, I am asking what’s on your desktop screen; is it on?”

Customer: “Oh, nah, it’s blank. How do you turn it on?”

Me: “It’s like a car; you must press the button to start it.”

Customer: “I don’t have no keys for this s***.”

Normally, when people say no to donations, I just nod and continue with the transaction. It’s not a big deal; not everyone can donate to every cause. But this time, it is a little difficult.

Me: “Would you like to make a donation for local children who can’t afford school supplies?”

Customer: “No, they can buy their own d*** school supplies.”

Me: “Um… Well, no, they can’t; that’s why we’re raising money.”

Customer: “They don’t need donations! The schools supply all their stuff!”

Me: “They don’t, actually. Parents are required to purchase all their children’s school supplies, and it can be quite expensive.”

Customer: “I know for a fact that schools provide the supplies!”

Me: “But if they did, we wouldn’t need to be raising money.”

Customer: “If kids can’t afford school supplies, they have programs for that! They have things where kids can get them for free!”

Me: “Yes, I know. That’s what this is.”

Customer: “No! It isn’t through you! The school does it!”

Me: “Okay. Whatever.”

Customer: “They provide the school supplies!”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “I KNOW THEY DO!”

Me: “Okay.”

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The company which I work for issues their contracts with values without taxes. This happens because taxes vary from state to state, and many customers use our services in several different states. I work at the customer service billing branch; I don’t really meet the clients, but I talk to them regularly by telephone.

Me: “Hello, Mr. [Customer]?”

Customer: “Yes?”

Me: “Hi there, my name is [My Name]. I work at [Company] and called you to talk because you contested your first invoice. Can we talk about it right now?”

Customer: “Ah, yes! You see, the invoice value is different from what we had in agreement.”

Me: “I understand the problem; please give me some time to check the values.”

I analyze the bill and check that everything was in accordance with the contract.

Me: “Sir, everything is in accordance with the contract. Do you have the contract with you right now?”

A few seconds pass…

Customer: “Yes, I have it now. Can you see it next to the value? It says we’re exempt from taxes.”

I am completely puzzled and surprised. I check again the PDF copy of the contract I have and don’t find anything about what the customer says.

Me: “I’m sorry, sir… but I couldn’t find the information you’re pointing out. Can you be more specific, please?”

Customer: “It’s right next to the value! It reads, ‘without taxes,’ between parenthesis!”

I give a small chuckle in relief as I’ve figured the problem.

Me: “Ah, I see! It looks like it was just a misunderstanding. It’s not that you don’t have to pay taxes, it’s just that the value mentioned does not include taxes yet; you still have to pay those.”

Customer: “Nonsense! I’m tax-free! It’s in the contract!”

Me: “But, sir—”

Customer: “Who the h*** issues contracts with only half the values, anyway?”

I explain the whys and because, and after several minutes of trying to convince him, I finally give up.

Me: “Okay, Mr. [Customer], I’ll look into it and position you by email.”

Customer: “Finally! Don’t forget it! I’m tax-free!” *Hangs up*

I sent him an email with everything I already told him by phone, saying that his invoice value was correct.

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I work for a pet food company as a Customer Care Agent. Basically, customers call me if they have a problem with a product, and I can replace it. Some people really like to try their luck, though.

Me: “[My Name] speaking; how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. I bought two bags of your 4kg [Brand] cat food, and all the kibble was broken!”

Me: “Oh, no! I’m so sorry to hear that! I can definitely assist you. I’ll just need some further details and an image of the food so we can show our production department the error.”

Customer: “Well, I can’t show you an image of the food because I’ve used it all.”

Me: “You… you used it all? Is it finished?”

Customer: “Yep! My cats just love your food! So, when can I get my replacement?”

Me: “Uh… I can’t issue a replacement, then. You have successfully used all the products, and your cats didn’t show any problem with the food. You even said that they loved it? I can’t even confirm if the kibble was really broken.”

Customer: “But it looked broken to me! I saw it!”