This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 2

| Tampa, FL, USA | Working | March 12, 2016

(I support my colleagues in a call center who might get stuck on calls.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Representative: “Hi, this is [Representative]. I have a question.” *gives me account information*

Me: “Okay, what is going on?”

Representative: “Okay the members, umm… I forgot… oh! He had a balance of $252.02 and made a $40 dollar payment. He doesn’t understand why, if he doesn’t use his card, why his payments keep going down lower. Umm, let me start over… I’m just confusing myself… He said his balance was at $250, he made a payment of $40, and he doesn’t really understand why his balance keeps getting lower if he isn’t using that card. It’s not because he’s not using it; it’s because he’s making a payment, right?”

Me: *making sure I heard the question correctly* “He says he doesn’t know why the balance is getting lower because he is not using it and making payments to it, right?”

Representative: “Right.”

Me: *trying not to sound sarcastic* “The reason it’s getting lower is because he isn’t using it and making payments.”

Representative: “I tried to explain that to him but he really doesn’t get it.”

Me: *starts to wonder where the math teachers are in the world*

This Is Why We’re In A Recession

I’m Not Here All The Time

| ON, Canada | Right | January 4, 2016

Me: “Would you like to sign up to receive our coupons?”

Customer: “No, it’s okay. I’m in here all the time.”

Me: “Oh, so then you might want the coupons then, because they are exclusive to the people who sign up and they give you certain percentages off your purchases.”

Customer: “No, I wouldn’t use them. I hardly ever shop here.”

Maybe They Moved Because Of You

| USA | Right | December 28, 2015

Caller: “Hi, I’m at your store location in [City] and it’s not here anymore!”

Me: “I’m sorry; they had to move from that location when their lease expired. The new address is [Very Close Neighboring City, no more than ten minutes away].”

Caller: *scoffs* “Well, what am I supposed to do, then?”

Me: “…I’m sorry; you’ll have to go to the new location. It’s not too far away—”

Caller: “Well, now you’re going to make me drive twenty miles just to get a book?”

Me: “I’m sorry for the inconvenience but there’s nothing I can do about the location.”

(The caller huffs in disgust for a few long moments, apparently too enraged to speak. Then just growls out a bunch of angry words about how inconvenienced she is.)

Me: “Again, I’m sorry, but that’s all I can tell you is the new address.” *getting frustrated now* “What else would you like me to do for you, ma’am?”

Caller: “Well, make it come back here! I’m going to miss the Black Friday sales now because of you!”

The Worst Kind Of Bubble Butt

| WI, USA | Working | November 3, 2015

(My coworker used to work in the quality office of a factory that makes big brand cleaning/disinfecting wipes. A call came through her phone from a customer.)

Coworker: “Thank you for calling Factory Quality. This is [Coworker].”

Customer: “You sold me faulty wipes! They don’t work and they made my baby’s butt bubble!” *a baby’s shrill screaming can be heard in the background*

Coworker: *alarmed* “I… I’m sorry, ma’am… Your baby’s bottom is bubbling? You should call 911!”

Customer: “NO! This is YOUR fault! What are you gonna do for me?!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you need to hang up and dial 911! These are NOT baby wipes! It even says it on the back of the can. If you could find our office number, then you also saw the warning label which reads ‘This is NOT for personal use. Keep out of reach of children. Using these wipes in a manner inconsistent with its intended purpose is a federal crime.’ Now please, hang up and dial 911!”

Customer: *garbled choking and screeching* “I’m gonna sue y’all for hurting my baby!” *slams phone down*

No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 8

| AZ, USA | Right | September 23, 2015

Me: “Thank you for calling [Credit Card Services]. I’m [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I want to make a payment.”

(I take payment.)

Customer: “Am I late?”

Me: “Unfortunately, yes. The cut off time is midnight Eastern Time. But I can look into the late fee for you.”


Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I’m in Texas! It’s not midnight where I am!”

Me: “I understand that, but we go by eastern time—”

Customer: “That’s just a made up rule!”

Me: “Sir, time is not a made up rule…”

No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 7
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 6
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 5

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