Not A Productive Conversation

| KS, USA | Right | November 11, 2014

(We are a company that deals with international calls on a daily basis, though I personally don’t that often. I receive a call that goes directly to my phone, not through the main system.)

Customer: *unintelligible Spanish*

Me: “Hello? No hablo mucho español” *I don’t speak much Spanish*

Customer: “Hello?” *unintelligible Spanglish*

Me: “This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: *very thick accent* You speak English, yes?”

Me: “Yes, I do.”

Customer: “Then let’s speak English.”

Me: “Sounds good! What can I help you with?”

Customer: “I had some questions.”

Me: “Okay? Is this pertaining to [Product]?”

Customer: “[Product]? Do you have a website?”

Me: “Yeah! It’s [website]!”

Customer: “Okay. okay. And you sell what again?”

Me: [Product]. Did you need help with something?”

Customer: “You have a nice voice.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Would you give me your phone number?”

Me: *creeped out* “I’m sorry. I can’t give that information to you.”

Customer: “You don’t want to talk on the phone to someone in Spain?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “No?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “No?”

Me: “No. No es bueno para mi.” *It’s not good for me*

Customer: “Oh! You speak Spanish?”

Me: “Un pequeño” *A little*

Customer: “How wonderful! We could talk in Spanish and English over the phone!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Was there something you wanted?”

Customer: “We could be private phone buddies if you’d like.”

Me: “No, I don’t think so.”

Customer: “You have such a lovely voice. And you seem very nice and beautiful.”

Me: “I’m sorry. Please do not call back unless you have questions about [Product]. Have a good day.” *hangs up*

Speaking The Same Amount Of The Same Language

| ON, Canada | Right | November 2, 2014

Customer: “Bonjour! Comment ca va?”

Me: “Ca va bien, et toi?”

Customer: “Ca va bien!”

Me: “That’s it. That’s all I got. That’s all I know how to say.”

Customer: “Me, too!”

Me: “Well, we really sounded like we knew what we were talking about, didn’t we?!”

Customer: “We sure did!”

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This Time With Meaning

| ON, Canada | Right | October 7, 2014

(I have on a pair of frog earrings. The face and arms of the frog are in the front, and the legs dangle from the back of the ear.)

Customer: “Oh, those earrings are so cute!”

Me: “Thanks, my boyfriend got them for me.”

Customer: “Oh you must love frogs!”

Me: “No… they’re just fun.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, then, he must love frogs!”

Me: “No, he just thought they were fun.”

Customer: “Well, are you French?”

Me: “Um, well, yeah…”

Customer: “Oh, okay. So that’s why he got them!”

The Great Intelligence Disconnect

| Austin, TX, USA | Right | February 24, 2014

(I work at a gaming company and provide tech support to all of our customers that call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I hope you can help me. I have been having connection issues all week with [Game]. I play for about 30 minutes and am disconnected. Can you fix it?”

Me: “I can try. First let’s open up the website to pull up some info that may help us resolve this.”

(About 30 seconds pass.)

Me: “Are you there, sir?”

Customer: “Sorry, the internet has been having issues all week. It is a bit slow right now…”

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Needs To Give That Caller A High-Five

| Hampshire, England, UK | Right | February 17, 2014

(It’s about 4:45 pm. We have a strict rule about not taking yourself off the phone until 5 pm exactly. People still do, but it’s a gamble. The earlier you take yourself off, the more likely you are to get in trouble, but the longer you stay logged on as your coworkers log off, the more likely you are to get a call. Sure enough, my phone rings, but most calls are only 10 minutes to resolve so I don’t mind.)

Me: “[Company] customer services. [Name] speaking. How can I help?”

Customer: “Hi there. I was hoping you could tell me [very basic bit of information that’s on his documents].”

Me: “Of course!”

(I answer.)

Customer: “Excellent. Now, am I correct in thinking your offices close at 5 pm?”

Me: “Yes, sir. That’s correct.”

Customer: “Ah, I see. Now, tell me, honestly. Are you one of these companies that hang up on customers as soon as the clock strikes 5, or do you stay logged in until the last second to take calls?”

Me: “Honestly? We’re a company of over 600 employees. I can’t speak for each individual. I can assure you, though, that I have never met a manager in this place who would tolerate someone hanging up on a customer to go home on time, and it’s certainly not something I would do.”

Customer: “That’s good, dear. So, I was wondering if you could tell me…”

(The customer then basically strikes up a conversation with me. Every few minutes, he asks me what the time is. As soon as the clock hits 5 pm, he bids me farewell and hangs up. He had phoned a 25p per minute phone number so he could help a random stranger get home on time.)

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