No Perception Of No Reception

, , , , | Working | July 4, 2018

(I am having terrible cell phone reception with my carrier, which is weird because for years there has never been any issue. I have checked with my coworkers; everybody on this carrier has been having trouble all day, while everybody else has been fine. I decide to call up the rep to report the incident.)

Rep: “Thank you for calling [Carrier]. My name is [Rep]. May I verify your number, please?”

Me: “It’s [cell number]. I am not the owner of the account, but I am an authorized user to make changes as needed.”

Rep: “Okay, thank you. How may I help you?”

Me: “This entire day, I have not been able to get cell reception in this area. I talked to other people on the same carrier and none of them have any signal, either.”

Rep: “Okay, thank you. So, to verify your identity, can you please tell me the security PIN on the account?”

Me: “Unfortunately, I don’t know what that is; my father owns the account.”

Rep: “Okay… I’ve gone and sent you a message to your phone. Can you please read me the security numbers on the phone?”

Me: “Umm… That’s kind of hard when I have no phone reception.”

Rep: “Ooh… Right… Oookay.”

(I started laughing and we managed to go another route. Whatever happened was fixed and service was restored later on.)

Call Of Grandma: Outdated Warfare

, , , , , | Right | June 30, 2018

(My fiancé works in a customer service call center for a large cable, Internet, and phone company. He takes mostly calls related to cable, or payment questions and issues. This occurs one night close to the end of his shift.)

Fiancé: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [Fiancé]. If I could just start off with your name and account number, I’d be happy to assist you.”

(The caller, an elderly woman, gives her information.)

Fiancé: “All right, Ms. [Caller]. What can I do for you this evening?”

Caller: “I’m trying to buy a game for my grandson, but I’m not entirely sure how to do it.”

Fiancé: “All right, ma’am. I’m sure I can help with you that. Were you talking about [Special Product]?”

(This is a product sold by the cable company, allowing access to several PC games provided by the company, with an addition to the customer’s bill.)

Caller: “No, no. It was some kind of war game… Modern Duty, Calling Something… I’m not entirely sure.”

Fiancé: “Okay, well, I’m not seeing anything in my system matching that description. Is there any other information you could give me?”

Caller: *yells to grandson in background* “[Grandson]? What was the name of that game you wanted?”

Grandson: “‘Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2.’”

Fiancé: *overhearing the grandson and containing his laughter the best he can* “Ma’am, we are an Internet, cable, and phone provider. The only video game service we offer is [Special Product]. What you are asking for is a disc game, designed to be played on a gaming console. Now, it’s a decently dated game, so your best options for finding it would probably be Amazon or eBay.”

Caller: “What’s Amazon?”

Fiancé: *facepalm*

Refunder Blunder, Part 37

, , , | Right | June 29, 2018

Customer: *handing me a receipt and air miles card* “I was just here ten minutes ago and they didn’t scan my air miles! Can you add it to my bill?”

Me: “Sure. I’ll just have to do a full refund, and then do a new purchase with your air miles on it.”

Customer: “Excuse me?! That’s ridiculous!”

Me: “That’s the only way to do it.”

Customer: “FORGET THAT! THIS IS RIDICULOUS!” *he furiously takes his receipt and card and leaves*

Me: “Okay… Less work for me.”

Related:
Refunder Blunder, Part 35
Refunder Blunder, Part 34
Refunder Blunder, Part 33

A Poor Memory For Memory

, , , , , | Right | June 6, 2018

(A respected and “highly educated” member of our area walks into the shop I work for. I say, “highly educated,” because his profession requires multiple degrees. Day 1:)

Customer: “This stick of memory is bad; my system has been warning me of memory errors.”

(This is a no-nonsense kind of guy, so I look at the memory, grab a new module, and hand it to our secretary to ring it up for him.)

Me: “This is an identical replacement. Same model, even.”

(Day 2: The secretary leaves a note.)

Note: “Mr. [Customer] yelled and screamed at me on the phone last night that we sold him a bad part. I said tomorrow was my day off but that you’d be here. Sucks to be you!”

(The customer comes in. I apologize and exchange the stick for a new — unopened and same spec — higher-end stick. Day 3: I have just opened the shop. Suddenly, I hear a car door slam and someone cussing up a storm, followed shortly by another car door slamming. Our door opens to the same swearing voice and the worst stench of ozone.)

Customer: “You [string of expletives]! You will fix my computer right f***ing now and stop selling me broken s***, or you close tonight, permanently.”

(The secretary hides.)

Me: *calmly* “To help me figure out what the original problem is, what was the memory error it had?”

Customer: “It won’t even g**d*** turn on!”

Me: *still calm* “No, sir, the original error, from two days ago.”

Customer: “What the f*** does that have to do with the scam you’re running?”

Me: *calm silence*

Customer: “Some virtual memory bull****!”

Me: “What did you do after the error?”

Customer: “I pulled the broken memory out.”

Me: *pause* “Did you turn it off first?”

(The customer storms out, leaving his computer. The secretary peeks out from the restroom.)

Secretary: “What was wrong?”

Me: “Someone skipped fourth grade earth science. Touching electricity, bad.

(We tested every component. The original stick of memory was the only undamaged part. Even the case LEDs blew out.)

A Very Small Prank

, , , , | | Right | May 24, 2018

(I work at customer service for a gaming console, and we get a fairly large number of prank calls every day. This is how we respond:)

Me: “Thank you for calling customer service; what can I help you with?”

Kid: “Hi, I got my penis stuck in the disk tray.”

(The kid sounds about 13. His friends are giggling in the background.)

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that; we definitely don’t recommend inserting small objects into the drive.”

(I can hear his friends cracking up.)

Kid: *dumbfounded* “It’s not small!” *click*

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