| Bentonville, AR, USA | Bizarre, Politics, Religion

(I get this call my first week after being promoted to customer service, and I don’t think it’s going to be an easy one to top.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: *it’s obviously an old man by the voice* “I got a complaint for ya!”

Me: “All right, how can I help?”

Customer: “I was out driving the other week, and my truck broke down. I brought it to [Store] to get it fixed. You know what they told me?”

Me: “What did they tell you, sir?”

Customer: “They told me I needed a new car battery! I told them I didn’t want a new car battery. I’ve had this one for SIXTY YEARS, and I want to keep it! Well, they fixed up the truck, I brought it home, popped the hood, and do you know what I found?”

Me: “What, sir?”

Customer: “A new car battery! They STOLE my old one, and I want it back!”

Me: “Um, okay, sir. I can file a complaint for you. What store was this at?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Do you remember what city it was in?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Okay, was it close to where you live?”

Customer: Yes.”

Me: “Great! What’s your zip code?”

(Silence.)

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “I FOUGHT IN VIETNAM!”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “I may be old and tired, but I’m not stupid! I figure, if I can’t do anything good for other people, I may as well not have come home at all!”

Me: “Okay. Can I have your zip code, please?”

Customer: “I DO NOT LIKE DONALD TRUMP!”

Me: “…What?”

Customer: “What’s your direct supervisor’s name?”

Me: “Mine? Her name is [Manager #1].”

Customer: “Is she voting for Trump?”

Me: “I don’t know, sir. Can I have your zip code?”

Customer: “What about you?”

Me: “Sir, I am trying to help you, but I can’t help you if you don’t answer my questions! What is your zip code?”

(Silence.)

Customer: “Now, son, don’t you go acting spoiled with me.”

Me: “Please give me your zip code.”

Customer: “It’s [zip code].”

Me: “Okay, so you live in [City #1, State]? You’ve got two stores in that area. Was the one you went to in [City #2] or [City #3]?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Fine… you went to the one in [City #2]. I’ll get the complaint sent to them. You’ll get a call back in three days. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: “Well… there is one thing. My neighbor bought a TV, but it doesn’t work. I want to get him a refund.”

Me: “I can’t negotiate a refund with you, sir. He’ll have to call in himself.”

Customer: “He can’t.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I still can’t talk about it with you.

Customer: “Son, the Bible says to honor and to help your neighbor, and I intend to do that!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, it goes against company policy for me to discuss another customer’s money with you.”

Customer: “What’s your name?”

Me: “I’m [My Name].”

Customer: “That name’s in the Bible! Do you know why you don’t deserve that name?”

Me: *sigh* “Because you don’t like me, sir?”

(Silence.)

Customer: “Get me your manager right now.”

Me: “Not a problem, sir. Please hold.”

(I put him on hold and dial the manager line. A manager who is not my direct supervisor picks up. I fill her in on what’s happening and she agrees to take over the call.)

Me: “Sir, are you still there? I have [Manager #2] on the line with me.”

Customer: “I THOUGHT YOU SAID HER NAME WAS–”

(And then I hung up on him.)

 

This Isn’t Going To Plan

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Criminal & Illegal, Money

(I work in customer service for a web hosting company. I get a call from a customer complaining that she’s been billed way more than she should be for her monthly service charges.)

Customer: “I was charged over $1,000 last month. My service plan is supposed to only be $9.95!”

Me: “That seems awfully high. Let me see what’s going on.”

(I check her account usage.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m very sorry but when I check your account, I see that you bought our basic plan that only allows up to 500 MB and uploaded a site that’s over 6000MB.”

Customer: “Yeah, so?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, with the plan you have, we set aside a small space on our server for your site. If you exceed that size, we charge over usage fees in the amount of (price per MB over limit).”

Customer: “Well, that’s insane! Why have you never notified me of this?”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, we sent a notification as soon as you went over limit and we’ve notified you on your monthly statements every month that you’ve been over.”

Customer: “How long has this been going on?!”

(I look back into her account history and notice she’s had this issue ongoing for three years. I immediately know this isn’t going to end well.)

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, ma’am. It appears you’ve been in an over state for over three years.”

Customer: “What the h***? This is fraud! I haven’t had a single notice in all this time!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We clearly note on your monthly statements what you’re paying for. Did you never see the entry for ‘over usage’?”

Customer: “Well, yeah, I saw that… I mean, why didn’t you ever send me anything else?”

Me: “We did send you a notice three years ago, when you uploaded your site, that it was over the size limit for your package. I’d be happy to help you upgrade to a bigger package so you don’t face these charges again.”

Customer: “I’m sure you would… How much does the upgrade cost?”

Me: “It would come to $24.95 per month.”

Customer: “That’s highway robbery! I won’t pay that! I’ll stick to the plan I have, thank you!”

(After I got off the phone with her I had to shake my head a few times to process what just happened.)

Hold For An Hourly Rate

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Awesome Workers, Bad Behavior, Money, Popular

(I work for a third-party seller/distributor of cellular phone service. It is the late 1990s, when cell phone service is just starting to transition from analog to digital in most states. Because a credit check and a contract is required to activate service, some customers are surprised when the credit check comes back that we require a monthly billing to their credit card, or worse, a $700 deposit. I take a call from a customer. After I run the credit check, I get the alert that he will need to pay a deposit or set up automatic payments.)

Customer: “What do you mean? My credit’s fine! Check it again!”

Me: *calmly* “I could check it again, sir, but it’s going to come back with the same result.”

Customer: *getting angry* “Well, it shouldn’t!”

Me: *still calm* “I’m sorry you feel that way, sir, but that’s what always happens when we get a report like this. In order for me to activate a line for you, I’ll either need to take down a deposit, or set up payments using a credit card.”

Customer: “I want to speak to your supervisor!”

Me: “I am one of the supervisors.”

Customer: “Then let me speak to somebody else!”

Me: “Sir, if I get you on the line with someone, they’re only going to tell you the exact same thing that I am.”

Customer: *yelling* “I DON’T CARE! Get me on the line with your supervisor!”

Me: *still calm* “All right, sir, no problem. Would you mind holding for just a minute?”

(We were always forced to ask permission to put people on hold, never tell them we were putting them on hold.)

Customer: *now irate* “I DON’T WANT TO BE PUT ON HOLD!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but in order for me to get you on the line with someone else, I need to place you on hold.”

Customer: “I’ve been waiting long enough, and I don’t want to wait anymore! I want to talk with someone else RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “I understand, sir. Let me place you on hold—”

Customer: “NO, D*** IT! Don’t you DARE place me on hold! This is a waste of my time! Do you know how much I make an hour?”

Me: *rolling my eyes* “No, sir, I don’t.”

Customer: “$350.00. I charge $350.00 per hour, and in the time I’m talking to you, I could be making money. You’re wasting my time, and I’m losing money!”

Me: *matter-of-factly* “Sir, do you want to know how much I make an hour?”

Customer: “No!”

Me: *taking authority on the line* “Too bad, sir. I make $9.00 an hour. And I’m telling you this to give you some perspective. Between the two of us, the only one that can help you get your service turned on IS ME. Frankly, I don’t care how much you make, and it doesn’t motivate me to give you better service than anyone else. So you can either let me place you on hold so I can get a supervisor, or I’ll be glad to end the call, and you can go to a local [Company] store and do this all over again with them.”

Customer: *silence*

Me: “I’m going to place you on hold now, okay?”

Customer: “Fine.”

Not Playing With Phrasing

| Hays, KS, USA | Movies & TV, Popular, Rude & Risque

(I am working for a third party that provides customer service for a very popular TV/Internet/phone company. During the evening shift we get a lot of interesting calls. In this case, I am the one who says something I wish I could take back. When we send a signal to a cable box to try to reboot it, we call it “hitting the box.”)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Cable Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m trying to watch a show and it’s giving me an error.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I know that’s frustrating. Can you tell me what the error says so I can see how we can fix it?”

Customer: *reads me the error code; it’s for a premium channel*

Me: “Okay, I can see this is for a premium channel. Let me make sure we’ve got the channel active on your account.”

(I verify his account info, and see that he has subscribed to the Playboy channel, and nothing else.)

Me: “I can see that you’re currently subscribed to the Playboy channel. Is that the channel you’re seeing the error code on?”

Customer: “Yes. I really need it to work.”

Me: “No problem; let me hit your box and see if I can get it up for you.”

Customer: “…”

Me: *mortified*

Customer: “…”

Me: “I… I mean… um…”

Customer: *bursts into laughter*

Me: *trying to control my laughter* “I mean… let me… send a signal… to your cable box… and see if I can get your… channel… working again.”

(I got it fixed. He was able to… enjoy… his evening.)

Expects You To Be A Non-Profit Prophet

| USA | Crazy Requests, Popular

(I work as a customer service representative for a small start-up company that produces a product that is aimed towards the education community. We are communicating over customer help chat.)

Me: “Good afternoon; can I help you?”

Customer: “I work for a non-profit and was wondering what discount I could get?”

Me: “Certainly, we would just need to verify that you are in fact a legitimate non-profit and we have a few forms.”

Customer: “Yeah, okay, but we can get it for free, right?”

Me: “Depending on what you do, we have several different options.”

Customer: “Oh, my god. You aren’t answering my question quick enough. No, you won’t even get my business. You should work on how you talk to your customers and how you get to the point!” *customer disconnects*

Me: “Seriously?”

(I was going to happily give them a discount until that…)

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