I’m shopping with a near full basket of food at my local store. I just about hear a shrill voice over my music playing through my headphones. I turn around to see a woman, maskless and way too close; it actually makes me jump!

Me: “Whoa, too close.”

Customer: “What did you say?”

Me: “You’re too close. Geeze, give a guy some space!”

Customer: *Tuts* “Whatever, where are the [Brand] crackers?”

Me: *Looks around* “I’m willing to bet not in the dairy aisle.”

Customer: “What did you say?”

Me: “[Brand] crackers are likely to be in the crackers aisle.”

Customer: *Folds her arms* “What’s your name?”

Me: “Mr. Not Your D*** Business.”

Customer: “Right! I’m speaking to your manager!”

Me: “I don’t work here, dumba**.”

Customer: “Why were you stocking shelves?!”

Me: “I was putting the stuff I didn’t want back. It’s one of the things people who aren’t selfish do. Maybe give it a try.”

She swore and she shouted, but I was feeling far too smug to listen. I still wonder if she found her crackers in the end.

I’m working by the front, checking masks and helping point out the trolley for customers.

I see a guy limping and he seems to be in pain.

Me: “Are you okay, sir?”

Customer: “No, some stupid old woman ran over my foot!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Do you need an ambulance?”

Customer: “Oh…” *Laughs* “She was on one of those mobility things. I’m okay. It hurts like h***, though.”

I grab him a chair, and we have a few bottles of water spare, so I let him take five. I radio to let my bosses know what happened and just to be aware we might need security footage.

The guy tells us not to worry and he is feeling better, but not five minutes later, I hear an almighty crash and run outside. I see an old woman in a mobility scooter beached on one of our trolleys, parked in the trolley bay.

Old Woman: *Shouting* “Your trolleys are in the way!”

Me: “Are you okay?”

Old Woman: “No, your trolley damaged my scooter!”

Me: “Let me see if I can get help.”

I call for help. Two guys try to lift her off the trolley, but she hits them with her bag.

Old Woman: “This is assault! I’m calling the police!”

My manager told me to let her call the police. We tried to keep customers moving for fifteen minutes as she screamed at everyone to stop looking at her — which, of course, brought a bigger crowd — before the police showed up and I could get back to work.

We found out months later that she was not only drunk but way over the limit. I think she got a big fine to pay on top of damages.

My neighbour was sitting watching his TV late in the evening when there was a very loud banging on his front door. Wondering who would be calling at this hour, he opened the door.

Standing there was a man wearing all the anti-[health crisis] gear; mask, scrubs, and a biohazard suit.

Man: “I’m [Man] from Social Services. We got your emergency call, and more help is on the way.”

My neighbour, not knowing what this was all about, looked at him blankly.

Man: “Come on! Let me in so I can start the treatment.”

My neighbour was still looking at him blankly.

Neighbour: “What are you talking about? I haven’t made an emergency call to anyone. No one here is sick. I don’t know who you are, so I’m not letting you in.”

The man was starting to get impatient.

Man: “We got an emergency call from here, [number] at [block of units].”

Neighbour: “You have the right number but the wrong complex. That block is down the road a bit further.”

Man: *Obviously shocked* “Oh, d***. I must have misread the number.”

He grabbed his phone and started talking quickly and loudly as he dashed off.

I hope he found the right person, but you would think that people doing that sort of job would have a better idea of where their clients live.

I’m a female working at an industrial supplier. You get used to a lot of males talking down and/or mansplaining to you because they automatically assume you have no idea what simple things like nuts and bolts are.

We are already about six months into the world health crisis. My customer is a bit chatty, and I chalk up his explaining to me what a pump is five times to his being an over-explainer, given that he also explained the type of plant he was working in five times. Then, it takes a turn.

Customer: “I’m grateful to be working. I hope you’re grateful to be working.”

Me: “Mmmhmm…”

Customer: “Because, you know, there’s this thing called the ‘coronavirus pandemic.’ It’s affected a lot of industries and caused a lot of people to lose their jobs.”

Me: *Deadpan* “Yes. I’ve heard of it.”

I work for a company that sells backup power sources for both residential and commercial customers. My job is to go into big box stores and set up displays and represent my company while trying to get potential leads. I am not an employee of any of these stores, but I technically work there when my show is there.

A few months back, about three months into the health crisis, I came to the store I was working at that week. Normally, I go in through the back, but the back door was closed and locked. I went around front as I had just remembered that they started the senior/disabled-only shop hour. There was a crowd of younger people sitting outside waiting to be let in.

I am thirty years old, but I was wearing my business suit and store vendor name tag, so the employee let me go straight in with no questions asked. I was also holding part of my display, so I was clearly going in to work. I saw a lady and she, like most of those outside, looked a little annoyed.

Lady: “HEY! HOW COME THEY GET TO GO IN AND WE DON’T?!”

I thought she just didn’t see my name tag, so I turned around to face her so she could see it.

Me: “I work here.”

Lady: “NO, YOU DON’T! YOU DON’T HAVE A STORE BADGE!”

I pulled my lanyard up to show her my tag.

Me: “You’re right; it’s a vendor badge for this store.”

Employee: “Ma’am, they do work here.”

Lady: “You have no right to be here! You don’t look disabled, and you’re clearly not over sixty-five!”

I just started to walk away, and she attempted to follow me in. The employee stepped in her way.

Employee: “Ma’am, please go back outside.”

She pushed him. I saw this out of the corner of my eye, so to try to deescalate the situation, I stopped and said:

Me: “Ma’am, I have two things that allow me to be here during the shop-early hour. One is my vendor badge and the other is my disability card.”

I showed her the card my county issued to me.

Lady: “I WANT TO SEE THE MANAGER!”

The employee radio calls for a manager.

Employee: *Politely to the lady* “Please wait for the manager outside, ma’am.”

Lady: “NO! I WANT TO SEE THE MANAGER NOW! THEY AREN’T SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!”

The woman is making enough ruckus to get other waiting customers to defend us. She still waits inside. The manager comes over and asks me what the problem is. The lady cuts in.

Lady: “They’re not supposed to be here! They don’t work for this store, and they’re faking a disability!”

This manager is aware of my disability in case of emergencies at work.

Manager: “You’re right and wrong. They don’t for my store, but they do work at my store, and they have every right to be here during the senior- and disability-only hour. You need to leave the store until we’re fully open.”

Lady: “I will not! I demand you have this person removed!”

Manager: “You can either leave willingly or be removed by police.” *To me* “Go ahead and head to your station.”

I did just that, as I now had ten minutes to set up a display that normally takes me thirty minutes to set up.

About an hour later, I realized I had forgotten a cable in my car and went to go get it. On my way, I saw a police officer leaning over the passenger window of his cruiser. He was telling the lady that she could either leave quietly now or he could take her to jail. She saw me and was livid. Priceless.

The officer took her to jail. She was charged with criminal trespass and disturbing the peace.