I used to work for a famous midwest pizza chain. Once, my coworker brought in brownies that she’d made herself for her birthday, and they looked delicious. She set them on the counter in front of some rarely-used computers, and we got busy making pizzas, but she told everyone who was working that they could help themselves.

A few hours went by, and I remembered the brownies, so we went over to get some. Imagine our surprise and disgust when we saw a single hand-shaped chunk of brownie missing from the tin.

A driver had decided that he wanted brownies so badly that he would just use his hand (with no glove) and no one would notice or care. Never mind the fact that one, we’re in a health crisis and drivers normally don’t wash their hands between stops, and two, we work in a restaurant, which means we have supplies like plates, forks, and knives that could have worked just as well, if not better than his meaty paw.

We grilled him about why he thought that was okay when he came back, and he just couldn’t seem to understand why we were upset when he’d been told to help himself.

[Driver] wasn’t allowed any more brownies.

Related:
This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things, Or Clean Bottoms!
This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things, Mom

My husband has a sensitive stomach, so I keep a sort of mental note of which products are safe for him and which give him entire nights of stomach cramps.

This conversation happens after I, after testing positive for a certain contagious illness, have come back from isolating at a family member’s house while they were on holiday.

Me: “I just did some groceries. I got some more cheese.”

Husband: “Man, I mostly lived on cheese this last week — so many cheese sandwiches and pasta with cheese. It was the easiest and fastest way to get some food in me after a long day, especially with you gone.”

Me: “I did see that. I’m surprised you got cheese from [Supermarket], though. I’ve been avoiding that like the plague for years, because you got cramps from it the last time we tried it.”

Husband: “…”

Me: “What?”

Husband: *In a small voice* “That would explain so much about this week.”

I am showcasing a TV for a customer. Part of the process is showing them how normal TV channels can look. We stop on a news channel to see a report from Russia, which has been on the news a lot lately. Part of the report is focusing on a female Russian politician with the craziest hair I have ever seen, like the hat worn by the Queen’s guard in the UK mixed with Bart Simpson.

Customer: “Wow! Look at that hair!”

Me: “I know, right?! And that’s a politician.”

Customer: “Seriously! Who votes for these people? Well, it’s Russia, so probably no one.”

I used to work in a craft store infamous for being understaffed. This problem was made worse with the global health crisis, as bored people were flocking to us for crafts and we weren’t hiring anyone to keep up with the workload.

On top of that, corporate added curbside to our duties, bragging on our website that we could have an order ready in two hours. We were never able to get an order ready that fast, leading to a barrage of complaints.

One weekend, I was ringing up a huge line of customers when a man came in.

Customer: “I’m [Customer]? I’m here for my order?”

Me: “Did you receive an email telling you it was ready?”

Customer: “Well, no.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but your order isn’t ready yet. Once it’s complete, you will receive an email.”

Customer: “But your website said it would be ready in two hours!”

Coworker: “We’re sorry. We do work to get orders as fast as we can, but we have a very short staff and a lot of people, so you’ll have to wait just a bit longer.”

Customer: *Outraged* “I still have to wait for my order?!”

Me: *Fed up with him* “So does everyone else!”

Customer: “I DON’T CARE ABOUT ANYONE ELSE!”

At this, the crowd of customers all turned to glare at him. He became sheepish and sulked off.

Customer #2: *To me* “Boy, the people you put up with…”

In the end, our manager finished his order next and he received it, and apparently, he apologized for losing his temper.

Sometimes you have to appreciate the power of an angry mob.

I am working in a hardware store in 2020. A woman comes into the store wearing a homemade T-shirt that says, “WEAR A MASK; THE LIFE YOU SAVE MIGHT BE YOUR OWN”. She is also sporting safety goggles, a face shield, at least three masks, and gloves. She starts going around yelling at and swatting people who have their masks on backward, below their noses, or not at all.

Then, she approaches my manager.

Woman: “You should enforce a mask policy!”

Manager: “Ma’am, my employees already wear masks while on duty. Three of my cashiers even wear gloves, even though no one really asks them to.”

Woman: “You should enforce a mask policy on customers!”

Manager: *Getting annoyed* “Ma’am, what do you want me to do if a customer is not wearing a mask?”

Woman: “Kick them in the [expletive] teeth!”