I am working retail during the nationwide lockdown. I am serving a woman who says to me:
Customer: “This is hard, but it’s nice to have all this time at home, isn’t it?”
I gave her the most dead-eyed stare I could manage and just flatly reply:
Me: “I wouldn’t know.”
She at least had the grace to look embarrassed.
My husband and I caught a particular contagious illness a few days before Christmas 2020. We were lucky enough to not be down and out, but we didn’t want company. My family was understanding and held our gifts for a day when we felt better. His family showed up unannounced and walked into our house without knocking, arms full of gifts and small children (our nieces and nephews).
Me: “Excuse me, what is this?”
My husband shrugged at me and then turned to his family.
Husband: “Why are you guys here?”
Mother-In-Law: “Well, you said you couldn’t come to Christmas, so we brought Christmas to you!”
Husband: *Covering his face with his shirt* “Because we’re sick. Get the kids out of here!”
Mother-In-Law: “Oh, that stupid [Country] virus scam? You’re fine. Just take some vitamins.”
Me: “No, you—”
Mother-In-Law: “It’s probably all the processed foods you’re eating. My kids were never sick growing up.”
I know this is a lie. They were sick as much as any other kids; they just never went to the doctor unless they were bleeding or something was broken because [Mother-In-Law] didn’t believe in vaccinations or modern medicine.
Me: “Honestly, this is not okay. You need to leave.”
Brother-In-Law: *Unsure* “Mom said she cleared this with you?”
Husband: “She did not.”
Brother-In-Law’s Wife: “Maybe we should go?”
Mother-In-Law: “No, just put the playpen over there. We can put the gifts on the table. You—”
Me: “Leave!”
Silence. [Mother-In-Law] wears the pants in their family and has never liked how outspoken I am about her tyrannical ways.
Mother-In-Law: “This is a holiday for the family. If you don’t want to participate, that is your choice. You can go sulk in your room.”
Husband: “Mom, you need to get everyone out of here.”
Mother-In-Law: “So, you would rather spend your Christmas with your—” *air quotes* “—‘wife’ than with your family?”
Husband: “If it means protecting the kids, then yes, I do.”
[Mother-In-Law] motioned for everyone to pack up and leave. Then, she turned on her heel, leaving the door wide open. I got up to close it, only to see her throwing the middle finger over her shoulder.
Me: “You know, Grandma got run over by a reindeer!”
[Mother-In-Law] posted photos all over Facebook, talking about how great it was to have all of her loving children and grandchildren with her during the holiday.
A week later, [Mother-In-Law] called and asked why we hadn’t apologized for our behavior. She sounded ill but wouldn’t admit to anything more than a stuffy nose. Several of [Husband]’s other family members — including one of the toddlers — also got “a bad cold” over the next few weeks, but since none of them would test for [illness], they steadfastly denied having it. And we never did get the gifts his family brought for us.
I work in a vet’s office during a time when masks are mandatory if you’re unvaccinated. I am arguing with one of our clients at the front door. She’s standing there with her dog, pressing the doorbell, but I am not opening the door until she puts on a mask or provides proof of vaccination.
Client: “I am not putting on anything of the sort! It’s a violation of my rights as an American, and you can’t make me!”
Me: “You’re absolutely right that I can’t make you, but that doesn’t mean I have to let you in either. Mask up or walk away.”
Client: “So, you’re forcing us to either get that vaccine that’s full of lies from the government, or wear a mask and become one of the sheep? No, thank you!”
Me: “Then you can come back when you’re willing to do either.”
Client: “But what about my poor dog?! He’s just a puppy!”
I quickly glance at the appointment notes to make sure I am not turning away an emergency. I have to stop and smirk at why she’s here.
Me: “Ma’am, you’re here to get shots for your dog?”
Client: “F*** yeah, I am! I don’t want it to get sick!”
Related:
You Can’t Vaccinate Against Stupid, Part 4
You Can’t Vaccinate Against Stupid, Part 3
You Can’t Vaccinate Against Stupid, Part 2
You Can’t Vaccinate Against Stupid
It’s December of 2020. I’m twenty-three, and I’m a nurse at a hospital that’s been pretty overrun with [the global health crisis]. As such, we’ve been pretty short on PPE (Personal Protective Equipment).
I’m eating lunch and trying to watch my show peacefully when my dad interrupts trying to ask me a question.
Dad: “Do you guys have gloves at your facility?”
Me: “Yeah, we do, but we don’t have as much as we would like.”
Dad: “Do you think you could grab a box for us?”
Me: “No, we’re already short as is, and other people have been fired for stealing from the hospital.”
Dad: “Are you telling me what you’re not going to do?”
Me: “I’m not losing my job to steal gloves for you when you can buy some at the store.”
He walked off in a huff, thinking I was being disrespectful for not depriving myself and my coworkers of the supplies we needed to protect ourselves. I’m so glad that I’m moving out next month.
My girlfriend wanted to visit during the Big C times [the global health crisis], but her government refused to send out her vaccination certificate. She had been fully vaccinated, so nobody could figure out what the problem was there. Regardless, we decided to use a type of form only my country had, for visiting lovers and family, that would allow her in even without a vaccination certificate.
But the airline worker took one look at that, said, “No,” and cancelled her flight!
Supposedly, she thought the form was fake and my girlfriend would be refused entry and have to fly back.
It took us three days to get that airline to fess up and actually take a few minutes to check that, yes, that document and rule were completely legit! Something the airport worker could have done on the spot!
