My local dollar store has taped Xs on the floor to aid with social distancing. I am in line and standing at the appropriate distance but not precisely on the mark.

A snarky woman behind me is grumbling about how slow the three cashiers are but I guess she gets bored when no one will join in and agree so she decides to turn her attention to me. She loudly clears her throat.

Woman: “You’re supposed to stand on the X!”

I turn to see a fifty-something woman, who fits all the stereotypes of entitlement, staring daggers at me. 

Remembering a meme I saw yesterday, I prepare a response.

I look up at the ceiling and down at the X, and then take a deliberate step to my right.

Me: “Uh-uh! I’ve seen too many Roadrunner cartoons to fall for that crap!”

And just like that, the angry woman was snort-laughing. She was almost pleasant to the cashier when it was her turn. I might have been proud of myself if the joke had been from my own brain, not the Internet.

This story is part of our Best Of October 2020 roundup!

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It’s early in the week, two weeks or so after Minnesota’s governor mandates masks indoors. I’m ringing up customers and a woman comes to my register with one item.

Me: “Hi! Did you find everything okay?”

Customer: “Uh, yeah.”

She pauses for a second.

Customer: “I was going to buy this at [Department Store across the street], but they were going to make me wear a mask. I have [medical condition] that makes it hard for me to wear a mask.”

Me: “Oh, that’s weird. The mandate protects those kinds of things.”

Customer: “Yeah, I told them that. They said it was ‘store policy.’ So, their loss is your gain.”

Her transaction finishes and I wish her a good afternoon. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard of stores ignoring the governor’s mandate, and it’s getting annoying.

Due to the global health situation, our gas station has put up precautionary measures — plexiglass dividers between cashiers and customers, hand sanitizer everywhere for people to use, and markings to promote six feet distances — as our owner is part of the at-risk population and a cancer survivor. It should be noted that we are an establishment that does not require customers to wear face coverings if they can maintain six feet apart.

A customer comes in with a mask below his nose with “[Politician] Snowflake” written on it in sharpie. He comes up to the counter with a drink and chips, trying to shove them under the divider.

Me: “I actually need you to scan those here.” 

I point to the scanner.

Customer: “What do I need you for, then?”

I grit my teeth under my mask.

Me: “Your total is [total].”

He starts taking bills out of his wallet.

Customer: “Can you touch this? Will you die?”

Me: “Yep, I can take your money.”

I slide him the change.

Me: “Have a nice day.”

Customer: “Yep, maybe you’ll survive yours.”

Related:
An Ugly Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked, Part 2
An Ugly Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked

I work at a fairly casual restaurant where it is mandatory for everyone to wear masks during the health crisis. It is about ninety degrees Fahrenheit today, which is really hot for where I live. I’m at the end of a long shift, so I am sweating and my face is very red.

I am standing next to an older man who is probably around sixty. He is not wearing a mask. I am a fourteen-year-old girl, which only makes the story creepier. 

The customer looks like he is about to leave.

Me: “Have a good afternoon!”

Customer: “You, too.”

He looks up at me.

Customer: “Wait, where are the napkins?”

It’s a fairly regular question, so I don’t really wonder why he asks despite the fact that he’s about to leave.

Me: “Right behind you, sir.”

He grabs a napkin and then quickly steps forwards and tries to wipe my forehead with the napkin. I instinctively step back.

Customer: *laughing* “Wow, you are beet red! I’m just trying to get some of the sweat off your face.”

He puts his arm on my shoulder and I keep inching backward.

Customer: “Wow, I feel bad for you; you have to spend all day in this heat with a mask on! No wonder you look so red.”

I am still stepping back as his hand is still on my shoulder.

Me: “Heh. Uh, yeah, I guess.”

Customer: “And yesterday must have been much worse; it was so hot you must have been dying!”

Me: “I didn’t work yesterday.”

Customer: “Wow, that’s lucky. Have a good afternoon.”

By this time, somehow we had walked down a hallway just from my inching back. I have no idea why he thought that touching someone’s face with no warning would be okay, especially during the middle of a rapidly spreading health crisis! I spent the rest of my shift being extremely self-conscious of my face.

My cell phone’s camera has broken, so I call my cell phone provider to discuss getting a replacement since I have insurance on it. We are currently in month six of a certain health crisis, and a lot of call centers have their employees working from home, as am I, so I totally understand when I call them that there might be some background noise not heard in a regular office setting.

The first person I speak to is polite and helpful but has at least one dog in the background that barks every few minutes. This doesn’t fazse me at all; my coworkers also have rowdy dogs that speak up during online meetings. What does catch me off guard is the rooster who decides to chime in halfway through the call. He’s quite insistent, and at times, he’s louder than the nice lady I’m trying to have a conversation with, but she doesn’t acknowledge it, so neither do I, as long as we can understand each other and finish our discussion. 

She has to hand me off to another department and puts me on hold, and there’s a blissful minute or two of a popular song that has no animal accompaniment, before the other department’s representative picks up to help complete my transaction.

All goes well until another rooster starts chiming in from the second rep’s location. No dogs or any other animals this time — just the rooster. Again, this lady, clearly a different person, doesn’t acknowledge it, and we finish our part of the discussion.

The end result is that I have to exchange my phone at my local cell phone provider store. Hopefully, they’re not keeping any livestock in the background.