I’m out of work because of the health crisis, so occasionally I drive my husband to and from work because he has a long commute and at least once in a while I can do the driving for him.

He works at a warehouse-type shopping center. Between nine and ten am, Monday through Friday, they have senior shopping. His shift starts at 9:45. I have some shopping to do today, so we walk in together. I go to grab a cart and go to the back of the line of “regular” shoppers waiting for the senior hour to finish up and be let in.

My husband kisses my cheek and walks into the building. We’re in our thirties, definitely not close to the fifty-five-plus limit. The lady at the front of the line starts SHRIEKING.

Lady: “That man was just allowed in to shop and didn’t wait in line like the rest of us!”

I stop in the middle of grabbing a cart and watch it unfold. My husband turns around and politely explains, while holding up his name badge.

Husband: “Ah, sorry, ma’am. I work here; I’m just showing up for my shift is all. I’m not cutting the line, I promise!”

She LOSES it.

Lady: “I demand to speak to a manager! People are being allowed to cut in front of me and I’ve been waiting for over an hour to get in!”

The doors don’t even open until nine am. There are signs everywhere explaining that nine to ten is senior hour and it has been this way for MONTHS. My husband continues to try calm the lady down, explaining that he’s an employee, his shift starts in three minutes, he’s not cutting in line, he’s clocking in for his shift, etc. The person watching the door keeps explaining the same.

Finally, a manager comes to the front. The lady is now blue in the face from yelling and screaming. It’s time for my husband to clock in, and he can’t get past the front door because the lady keeps screaming. The manager explains that my husband is, indeed, there to work and get everything ready for the incoming flood of patrons.

The lady is having NONE of it. My husband finally decides that in order to end the situation, he’ll use the back entrance…. at the complete opposite side of the GIANT building. The manager and my husband share a very knowing look. The manager apologizes to the lady, who now looks incredibly righteous. The manager says he’ll have “a talk to” the employee at the front door. There’s some whispering, My husband’s coworker smiles a little.

It’s now ten am, and the doors are supposed to be open to everyone. The lady starts looking very, very impatient as the manager, standing at the door, tells her he can’t let the general public in until there are two people at the door. We wait. And wait. And wait. And wait.

And about five minutes after ten, my husband walks up to the door from INSIDE the building, and calls the lady on into the building.

Husband: “Sorry I’m late; I was held up.”

The laughs from the people in line behind the lady were just… precious. She went from blue in the face screaming to red and embarrassed. The best “I DO work here, lady!” ever.

My new member of staff is being rather rules-lawyer about the health rules put in place due to the health crisis. Mostly, though, he follows them.

Mostly. I have had several other members of staff complain that he is pulling his mask down to sneeze and not covering his face at all, just sneezing over the desk!

Then, I witnessed this myself. I go over and tell him that this isn’t acceptable.

Employee: “If I sneeze with a mask on, I can’t breathe and I’ll pass out.”

Me: “Even if that were true, you’re not even covering your mouth and nose at all, which is a huge biohazard.”

Employee: “I’ll pass out from lack of oxygen.” *Smug face*

I go away and return with a box of disposable masks and a colouring book and crayons I had in my bag for my nephew later.

Me: “Here’s the deal. My youngest nephew doesn’t understand masks or not sneezing on people. So if you say you don’t either, I’m going to assume you’re like him and send you home to go colour. Alternatively, if you do understand better than a four-year-old, here are some additional masks so you can replace ones you’ve sneezed in with a fresh one.”

He got very offended. But he did accept the box of masks and hasn’t sneezed on anyone since. He still glares at me, but I don’t care.

This story is part of our Best Of December 2020 roundup!

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I run the scale at a waste facility and have struggled with already cranky customers getting mad at me because I struggle to hear them with their masks. Most of my customers are contractors and can be a little dense.

Customer: “How come you’re still wearing that button? The election is over!”

Me: “Did you read it?”

The button says, “Please be patient; I’m hard of hearing.”

Customer: *Turning red* “Well, how was I supposed to know?”

Me: “Maybe read the button you’re looking at?”

My kids are ten and six, and they love “helping” my husband in the kitchen. Recently, I overheard him telling them:

Husband: “New house rule: if you want to bake with Daddy, you have to be wearing pants!”

Five minutes later: 

Husband: “Your own pants. Right-side up. On your legs.”

It’s been a long lockdown.

I work for a small boutique hotel, and the owner is very strict about hygiene and personal safety. All staff are required to wear masks and use hand sanitizer frequently, high-touch areas are cleaned every thirty minutes when feasible, and, of course, customers are required to wear masks in public areas and while interacting with staff. We make this very clear at every point: while booking online, while booking over the phone, and with signs at every entry point.

When people try to circumvent the mask rule by claiming medical necessity, the owner changes tactics and, for those we suspect are faking it, he hits them where it hurts: their entitlement.

I am booking a room for a lady over the phone.

Me: “…and I will inform you now before I book your room that masks are mandatory for all guests in public areas and while interacting with staff. Please confirm that you understand this requirement and you’ll be good to go.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t wear a mask.”

Me: “Then I cannot book this room.”

Customer: “You have to. It’s the law! I know my rights! You can’t make me wear a mask.”

Me: “I can only waive the mask requirement in a case of genuine medical need.”

Customer: “Yes! Yes, I can’t wear a mask because I could die! My doctor said so. You can’t make me.”

Me: “In that case, we are happy to accommodate our medically delicate guests. For instance, we can arrange curbside check-in to lessen your exposure to our staff.”

Customer: “Yeah, great, book it.”

Me: “However, I must also inform you that in the interest of your safety, our restaurant will be available only as an in-room dining option.”

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Further, there will be no housekeeping service during your stay.”

Customer: “What?! No! Absolutely not! That’s not acceptable!”

Me: “Ma’am, in order to protect our medically compromised guests, it’s important to minimize contact as much as possible. For your own safety, we will not allow housekeeping staff in the room or expose you to strangers in our restaurant. Now, if these accommodations are acceptable to you, I will add the note to your reservation.”

Customer: “It’s not acceptable! I want housekeeping on my vacation!”

Me: “Then you must make a choice, ma’am: mask and housekeeping, or no mask and no housekeeping.”

Customer: “You can’t make me do that!”

Me: “I can. This policy was set by the owner and as it is his business; he may implement any policy that is necessary to protect our visitors and staff.”

Customer: “This is the worst customer service I’ve ever received! I’m going to tell the world about your s***ty policies!”

Me: “Oh, one more thing: if a mask impairs your breathing, a plastic face shield is acceptable for our purposes.”

She cursed at me and hung up. I booked the room she wanted a few days later to an older couple who praised our mitigation efforts, and I felt a small sense of satisfaction.