I work in a small bakery inside a supermarket. This occurs in November 2020.

Customer: “One piece of this cake here, please. And can I have a fork to eat that with?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but due to current health regulations, we do not offer seating at the moment.”

Customer: “But I can eat it outside!”

Me: “We do not offer seating outside, either.”

Customer: “I can still eat it outside!”

Me: “You want to stand outside in the parking lot and eat cake? In winter?”

Customer: “Yes! Now can I have a fork?”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t have any single-use cutlery. And I can’t be sure you won’t just take the fork with you if you use it outside.”

Customer: “So, no fork?”

Me: “No.”

The grocery store where I work has taken to delivering orders to people who are self-isolating due to the current health crisis. Customers email or call in a list of what groceries they need and we gather the groceries and ring them up, and then we call the customer on the phone. We give them the total and they pay over the phone with a debit card. Some customers, of course, like to pay cash on delivery, but as most people would prefer no contact, card over the phone is the usual deal.

I have just rung up a customer’s order and I phone them on the number provided. Most of those taking advantage of our service are elderly.

Me: “That comes to £63.46. Are you happy for me to take payment now over the phone?”

Elderly Customer: “Yes, dear, of course. I really want to avoid all contact with the outside world right now.”

Me: “I understand, ma’am. Please just call out the long number on your debit card when you are ready.”

Elderly Customer: “Oh, I don’t have one of those, dear!”

Me: “Not a problem; we take credit cards and prepaid cards. Just please read me the long number.”

Elderly Customer: “Do you not take cash?”

Me: “Of course! If you wish to pay cash, our delivery person will bring change for whatever notes you have, and you can simply pay him at the door when he brings you your order.”

Elderly Customer: “Oh, I can’t do that! What if he has [illness]?! I want to pay cash now.”

Me: *Puzzled* “Um… I am sorry. I don’t understand.”

Elderly Customer: *Suddenly impatient* “I said that I want to pay you cash! You take cash! So take my cash payment now!”

Me: “…”

Elderly Customer: “Well? Will you or won’t you?”

Me: “Um… you mean now, as in over the phone?”

Elderly Customer: “YES!”

Me: “Um… I can’t do that. It isn’t possible. So, if you have your cash ready at the door when our delivery person arrives, you can leave your payment on the step of your door and he will leave you your change—”

Elderly Customer: *Interrupting in an angry tone* “Listen, will you, you stupid brat? I do not want to do that! I want to pay you now! So take my d*** money over the phone!”

Me: “Okay. Right. So. Like I said previously, ma’am. Your total for today is £63.46. Please go ahead and send your cash over the phone. I will wait.”

Elderly Customer: “…”

Me: “…”

Elderly Customer: *Click*

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 97
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 96
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 95
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 94
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 93

I have a friend who works in an assisted living facility; her job includes cleaning patients. One day, my friend was giving a sponge bath to a male patient when she heard him say something from under his mask.

Patient: “I think my testicles are black.”

She peeked under the towel.

Friend: “No, they look fine.”

She then proceeded to clean him and he continued to ask her about his testicles, and each time, she would respond by lifting the towel and reassuring him that they were fine.

Finally, the patient took off his mask.

Patient: “I think my tests should be back.”

We only have very few guests at the hotel due to health restrictions. I’m manning the front desk during the afternoon and am completely alone in the hotel, save for the few guests we have. I made my rounds through all corridors and rooms earlier in the day, before checking in the only three guests we have for that night: just three businessmen in three rooms, all next to each other.

A little while after checking in, they all come back downstairs. They have a little dog with them. I’m a little puzzled, because I didn’t see them come in with the dog — hidden in a bag? — or I would have told them about the pet fee we charge. As I have someone else on the phone, I decide to address it when they come back.

Once I’m done with the phone call, I decide to do another round and double-check that all windows and doors to the outside are closed. In the corridor directly in front of our guests’ rooms, I very nearly step into feces. I’d say the dog really needed to go and they noticed too late. It is spread through a quarter of the corridor, ending just before the staircase.

Of course, I get to clean it up. Yay!

About an hour later, the three of them come back. Wherever they were, they are definitely drunk now.

Me: “Welcome back!”

Guest #1: “Good evening!”

[Guest #2] waves at me, pretty obviously drunk. He is carrying the little dog, badly hidden in his jacket.

Me: “Um… excuse me, sir? We charge a fee of 15€ per night, per pet. Which of your rooms would you like me to charge the fee to?”

Guest #2: “Oh! But he is so small! That’s so much money for such a little dog! Come on, you look like such a nice girl!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but I really can’t do that. It’s our policy.”

Guest #2: “Please, please! Look how small he is! He never makes any trouble! No dirt, nothing!”

Me: “Sir, with all due respect, I just spent half an hour cleaning feces out of the carpet in the corridor in front of your rooms. I could add an extra cleaning fee for that. I’m doing my best to be accommodating. Which room would you like me to charge the pet fee to?”

Guest #1: “But he’s so small! Look at him! It couldn’t have been that bad—”

[Guest #3] sighs and starts pushing the other two towards the elevator.

Guest #3: “I’ll take care of it.” *To me* “I’m so sorry; they are very drunk. I’ll be right back!”

I have no idea how to translate drunken slurring into English. But [Guest #2] kept whining at me like a little child and [Guest #1] was nearly yelling at me. [Guest #3] came back shortly and paid the pet fee immediately. He apologized again. The poor guy was obviously very embarrassed by his colleagues.

Related:
In All This We Feel Sorry For The Dog

I am a scanning clerk at an auto dealership. My basic job, while simple enough to do, requires software training that nobody else but my coworker has onsite. Without us, there aren’t digital records of parts ordered, sales made, or repairs scheduled.

The health crisis is just starting to hit home in our state and businesses are cutting back and closing. My company employer is considered essential, but they’re furloughing nonessential departments. A meeting is held while my only coworker is out on a personal day.

Office Manager: “We’ll be sending home the majority of the accounting department, with the exception of [Senior Employee #1], [Senior Employee #2], [Senior Employee #3]. The sales teams will be cut down to a skeleton crew, and all other departments aside from parts and repairs will be cut down or closed.”

Me: “What about scanning? Are we part-time now?”

Office Manager: “No, you’ll both be taken off the schedule until [Governor]’s order is lifted.”

Me: “But what about the paperwork? It’ll back up and you won’t be able to access the fil—”

Office Manager: “We have it handled. Effective tomorrow, you’re both off the schedule. There are resources for everyone being furloughed on [Site associated with our employee records].”

I went home and told my coworker. We both slept in the next day, shopped for snacks, and met up to watch Netflix together. Before we got going, we both got a message from a different manager at our dealership that said, “Back to full-time, starting tomorrow. I don’t know what the h*** they were thinking.”