A Life-Long Member Of The Hoarding Club

, , , , | Right | April 27, 2020

Most people are hoarding stuff they think they absolutely must have during a possible quarantine, while some people don’t seem to understand that the stores don’t have unlimited stocks.

Older Lady: “I need hand sanitizer!”

Pharmacy Staff: “I’m sorry, but we are sold out.”

Older Lady: “But I’m a MEMBER!”

Yes, lady, you and the rest of this country’s population.

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The Population’s Intelligence Is (Book) Dropping

, , , , | Right | April 26, 2020

All the libraries are closed due to government health guidelines, including locking the book drops since infection can survive on surfaces. Staff are still allowed in to do work like weeding, shifting, etc., but we just got word today that we’re to not return until further notice.

I’m sitting near the book drop — which is built into the building — trying to figure out my telecommuting schedule, when I hear someone trying to open the book drop. There are about five signs in different languages taped OVER it.

Woman’s Voice: “I can’t even open it manually!”

She tries again and laughs nastily.

Woman’s Voice: “Rude!”

When I looked outside before we left, I saw five boxes and at least one bag of books sitting on the ground.

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Sanitized From The Situation

, , , , | Right | April 25, 2020

I work at a dollar store, and there’s a line of three customers at the register. There is a sign on the door that states that we are out of toilet paper and hand sanitizer.

Me: “Your total is $13.68.”

As [Customer #1] is paying, [Customer #2] steps out of line. 

Customer #2: “Excuse me, are you busy?”

I don’t immediately reply as I help [Customer #1].

Customer # 2: “Um, hello? Where is the hand sanitizer? It’s not by the toilet paper.”

Me: “If we have any, it is in the last aisle by the body wash.”

[Customer #2] goes looking while [Customer #1] leaves. [Customer #3] comes up.

Customer #3: “I guess she did see your sign on the door.”

I am trying not to laugh.

Me: “I guess not!”

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This Would Have Been Even Weirder A Year Ago

, , , , , , | Learning | April 24, 2020

As our school is preparing to shut down for a disease outbreak, the administration is coordinating the transition to distance learning. These are extracts from emails sent ten minutes apart.

Email #1: “As we cannot guarantee access to any campus buildings, please be sure to bring any materials that you will require to continue working home.”

Email #2: “In response to the deluge of questions, the administration would like to ask all staff working in laboratories to please disregard our previous email.”

Email #3: “To further follow up, any objects of study that are not considered part of laboratory research but are too dangerous or physically large to be moved should remain on campus.”

Email #4: “In light of the continued questions, please disregard our previous guidance on working from home. We would now like you to use common sense when deciding what is appropriate to bring with you.”

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There’s No Vaccine For Idiocy

, , , , , | Right | April 24, 2020

Like many other theaters, my theater has closed due to the outbreak. Staff members are still working our final scheduled shifts, though we are mainly focusing on cleaning, throwing out food that will expire, etc.

We aren’t open to the public and have notices on our doors explaining that we aren’t open. At around 7:00 pm, I hear frenzied knocking and see a frustrated man standing at the door. I walk over and crack the door open.

Me: “Um… can I help you?”

Customer: “[Movie] is opening tonight, and I wanna see it! Let me in! Why would you have the doors locked?!”

Me: “I apologize, but the theater is indefinitely closed due to the—”

Customer: “Bulls***! [Movie] comes out tonight!”

Me: “Sir, not only are we not open, but the studio pulled [Movie] from their release schedule. It likely won’t be out for several months, if not next year.”  

Customer: “But I saw a few weeks ago that [Movie] opened tonight!”

Me: “Sir, I assure you, [Movie] is not coming out tonight.”

Customer: “You’re not gonna let me in?!”

Me: “No, sir, I can’t let you in as we are not open and likely won’t be back open for several months.”

Customer: “Pfft! Good luck staying in business if you aren’t even gonna let people in to see movies!”

He stormed away. Of course, the last customer I dealt with before we closed down was an idiot. I just hope I don’t see him again once we reopen… whenever that may be.

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