Tearing Chunks Of Meat Out Of Their Argument

, , , , , | Right | October 23, 2018

(I am a vegetarian working at a popular cafe chain that serves soups, among other things. There’s a very scant picking for non-meat eaters, but most customers appreciate that I can help them. A college-aged couple comes up to my till.)

Girl: “Hi. We’re vegetarian. Can you tell us what we can eat?”

Me: “Oh! Of course. Well, you can have anything from the bakery section, or you can have—” *rattles off a list of options*

Boy: “Hm, okay. Well, we want a bowl of broccoli cheddar.”

Me: “Unfortunately, that soup is not vegetarian.”

(The couple exchanges looks and scoffs.)

Girl: “You’re telling me there’s meat in the broccoli cheddar?

Me: “Yes, it’s made with chicken stock.”

Boy: “Yeah, sure there is. Whatever. Give us a bowl of French onion, and don’t even try to tell us there’s meat in that.”

Me: “Sure thing.”

(The couple received their order, a soup made of caramelized onions stewed in beef broth. If you’re a vegetarian, make sure you actually research the menu before you quiz the vegetarian cashier.)

Don’t Forget Crazy Aunt Syphilis

, , , , , , , | Learning | December 23, 2017

(I’m a tenth-grader taking driver’s ed because I ended up not taking it the year before. Three of the more popular ninth-graders sit in front of me.)

Girl #1: *out of nowhere* “You know, if chlamydia weren’t a STD, it would be a really pretty name.”

Girl #2: “Really?”

Girl #3: *mockingly* “Could you imagine? ‘Oh, hi. This is my daughter, Chlamydia, and my son, Herpes. Nice to meet you.’”

(I tried to not die of laughter because I didn’t want them to know I was eavesdropping, but I was also trying not to show my great disappointment with this statement.)