Love Makes Fools Of Us All

, , , , , , | | Romantic | July 8, 2019

(I am talking to a guy from the UK. We have a bit of a crush on each other but have never really acted on it due to the distance. One night, we are on Skype talking about how I’m a hopeless romantic and he’s just hopeless at romance.)

Crush: “I don’t know why you say I’m so bad; I always know exactly what to say.”

Me: “You really don’t. Girls like to be complimented and told other nice things.”

Crush: “So, what? I should start spewing Shakespeare or some crap?”

Me: “At this point, it wouldn’t hurt.” 

(He proceeds to launch into actual Shakespeare, quoting Hamlet’s letter to Ophelia, all while looking at me with the sweetest look and speaking sweetly. Anyone that knows me would know that this is a pretty good way to woo me.)

Me: “Wow. That was actually beautiful. I didn’t know you could quote Shakespeare.”

Crush: “Aw, yeah, b****es love Shakespeare.”

Me: “Wow, way to ruin the moment.”

Crush: “Wait, we were having a moment? I want a moment!”

Extraterrestrials Need Love, Too

, , , , | Romantic | August 14, 2018

(My best friend has a huge crush on me, and I have one on him, though neither of us realize it at this time. Although his English is very good, he’s not a native speaker, and there are some words he’s understandably never encountered before. We’re both fans of old video games, so we’re checking out some old ATARI games at my house. We’ve loaded up E.T., having never actually played it before. There are no instructions, but apparently one of the core mechanics is that E.T. can “fly” by lifting his head. I’m watching the game being played.)

Friend: *having difficulty getting E.T. out of a pit* “ARGH! He’s not necking anymore!”

(I lost it and had to explain to my very confused friend what “necking” was and why E.T. wasn’t doing it. Thankfully, it didn’t stop him from officially asking me out a few days later.)

Missed A Step On The Way To Relationship

, | Chicago, IL, USA | Romantic | February 21, 2017

I am in seventh grade, and a new boy has started at our school. He is just adorable, with silky, blond hair and big blue eyes.

Of course I, like all the other girls, fall in love.

One day, while classes are in session, this boy and I both happen to have a hall pass to run some errand or other. I am on the third floor, headed down, he on the second, headed up.

So I think… I’ll make an impression; we can chat for a bit. I whip off my glasses (which I had just started wearing over the summer), and sashay down to meet my love.

And miss a step.

And fall down the rest of the stairs, ending right at his feet. Horrified, he asks if I am okay, and I CAN NOT SPEAK. I am dying of embarrassment.

After he figured out I was okay, we parted, but I literally did not, could not, speak to him for six months.