I am explaining the map of the very large cruise liner to some guests who have just arrived.

Me: “And these corridors here can take you from the front to the back of the ship, or as we say: the bow and the stern. The elevators can be found here, here, and—”

Guest: “—which of the elevators can take us from the front to the back?”

Me: “Uh, none of them, ma’am.”

Guest: “Why not?” 

Guest’s Son: “Mom! Because this isn’t the U.S.S. Enterprise!”

I’m glad he said it!

I’m on a cruise ship, and I go into the ladies’ room. You can clearly see if a door/stall is available (green) or occupied (red), which happens when you lock the door from the inside. 

I go to the first green door, and the door is shoved closed after I see [Lady #1] hovering over the toilet. 

I go to the next green door and am able to enter normally. I can hear [Lady #1] mumbling about rudeness from under the stall. 

I finish quickly and go to wash my hands. [Lady #2] enters, and she stares at the doors, debating which one to use. 

Me: *In a very slightly raised voice* “The symbol on the door will change to red when the door is locked so no one tries to enter when you are using it.”

Happy with my answer, [Lady #2] goes to the first green door, which is still occupied by [Lady #1]. She shouts out and says something about rudeness. 

I look back at [Lady #2].

Me: “She must have a thing for people watching her pee as she refuses to lock the door.”

We heard [Lady #1] loudly and almost violently lock her door.

While on a cruise, I book a tour of a historic site. After everyone boards the bus, the tour guide tells us that in his country it is required by law to wear seat belts. We buckle up and he checks to make sure we are all wearing the belts. One tourist near me has decided not to wear his.

Guide: “You need to buckle your seat belt.”

Tourist: “I am not wearing the belt.”

Guide: “Maybe you misunderstand me. It isn’t the cruise line recommending you wear your seat belt or the tour company recommending you wear the seat belt. It is the law of my country. I am not asking you to wear it; I am saying you have to.”

Tourist: “No, I’m not using the belt. I don’t want to.”

Guide: “Our driver cannot legally go on the roads if anyone doesn’t have the belt on, so you have two options. You can either buckle up and come see the ruins with us, or you can get off the bus and stay at the port. Your choice.”

Tourist: “I don’t have to wear a seat belt in my home country, so I’m not going to wear one here.”

 Guide: “Are we in your home country?”

Tourist: “No.”

Guide: “Then your country’s laws don’t apply here. Either buckle up or get off the bus.”

The man did buckle up, but he spent the whole ride talking angrily with his wife. I don’t know what exactly he was saying as it was in a different language, but the tourist got increasingly louder as the trip went on. He was so angry that, once we got to the site, he didn’t go on the tour; he just sat at the entrance.

His wife came with us on the tour, though, and she seemed like she had a great time. It’s a shame he ruined his day over a little safety thing like a seat belt.

If you thought this tourist was bad check out these 13 Cringeworthy True Stories About Tourists Who Have Absolutely No Clue!

I’m on a cruise with my husband’s family. They are used to sharing everything, whereas I prefer private time and personal hygiene.

My husband and I almost shared a room with his two younger brothers — ages fifteen and seventeen — but I put my foot down and said that since we were paying for the room ourselves, we would not be sharing. If the boys wanted to kick in half the price, we would upgrade to a two-bed suite. My mother-in-law didn’t understand why I didn’t want to foot the full bill to share a king-size bed with my husband and two minors.

I am in the shower when I hear the bathroom door open. 

Me: “Honey?”

No response.

Me: “[Husband], what are you doing?”

I open the door to see my fifteen-year-old brother-in-law looking through my toiletries bag.

Me: “Excuse me? Get out!”

Brother-In-Law: “I need a Q-tip. [Husband] said—”

Me: “GET OUT!”

He leaves, and I step out to lock the door. Before I’m even dry, there’s a pounding on the bathroom door.

Me: “What?”

Mother-In-Law: “Why would you tell [Brother-In-Law] that he can’t have a Q-tip? Are you so selfish?”

Me: “Get out of my room before I call security.”

Mother-In-Law: “This is a public cruise!”

Me: “Get the f*** out of my room.”

I hear two doors slam before I carefully step out of the bathroom to find that I am alone. After I have dressed, I go to find [Husband].

Me: “Why were [Brother-In-Law] and [Mother-In-Law] in our room?!”

Husband: *Genuinely confused* “[Brother-In-Law] wanted a Q-tip; I told him you had some. Do you not?”

Me: “I do, but I do not want your underage brother helping himself to my personal effects, particularly while I’m naked!”

Husband: “I didn’t know you were in the shower! I just gave him the key and told him where to look.”

Me: “Never. Again. If your family doesn’t start respecting boundaries, I will leave.”

Husband: “Okay, I get it. I’ll talk to them. I’m sorry.”

[Mother-In-Law] accused me of being some kind of pervert if I was not comfortable being naked around her family. (Because that’s the most logical explanation?)

In the end, she was given an ultimatum: respect my limits or we cut contact. She decided to make passive-aggressive comments about how I was never taught to share, so we haven’t spoken to her in months.

Related:
Why Does No One Understand Personal Space?! Part 2
Why Does No One Understand Personal Space?!

I’m working in a cafeteria onboard a ship as a cashier. This is about ten years ago before we were able to accept debit cards due to bad signal, but we can accept credit cards. (Our company worked out a deal with two major credit card companies where our system would store the numbers and process them when we hit the dock.)

Our cafeteria is a bit different; you walk in the sides, get your hot or cold food, and pay on your way out in the back toward the seating. I guy comes to my till and tries to pay with a debit card.

Me: “I’m sorry, but we can only accept cash or credit cards.”

Customer: *Angry* “Why don’t you have signs?”

But he gives me cash, so I process his payment while talking. I point to the huge signs we have by the entrance.

Me: “We do right there; they’re the size of an adult.”

Customer: “Well, I came in this way.”

He pointed behind the cash station where the tables were.

I didn’t say a thing and just pointed to the sign beside me that faced the seating area. He made a giant harrumph and stomped down with one foot like a two-year-old, and then he marched off.

The sign? “No entry this direction.”

What good is complaining about signs if you aren’t going to read them?