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Sarcasticopter

| The Mediterranean Sea | Popular, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

(I work on a cruise ship.)

Customer: “I have a question. Do you all live on the ship?”

(This is a very common question which we’re slightly fed up with answering, so I decide to have some fun.)

Me: “No, we all get flown in every day by helicopter.”

Customer: “Really?”

Me: “Oh, yes! First class!”

(I later found out that the customer had complained about the noise from the “helicopters” keeping him awake at night!)

Put Your Faith In The Patch

| Canada | Health & Body, Religion, Tourists/Travel

(I work on a cruise line’s guest services desk. Frequently, passengers wear little patches that prevent sea sickness. One man comes to my desk.)

Me: “Good afternoon. How can I help you?”

Man: “I was wondering what religion the people with the patches are.”

Sanity Overboard

| USA | Tourists/Travel, Transportation

(I work for the boutiques onboard various cruise ships. Even though jeweler is my professional position, we also have emergency duties such as lowering the life-boats, guiding guests and such. Mine is to muster guests to their muster position before the abandon-ship signal is given. The guests are all sitting in the grand dining room which is at the very back of the ship.)

Guest: “So when the emergency signal is sounded, we just all come here?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, this is your muster station in the event of an emergency. When the abandon-ship signal is given, we guide you to your assigned lifeboat.”

(Because there are so many guests on the ship, we don’t take them to the lifeboat when it is just a drill like this; we explain to them over the PA the procedure.)

Guest: “Why haven’t you taken us to our lifeboats already?!”

Me: “That was just explained, ma’am; as you can see, there are a lot of guests onboard, and it is really unnecessary—”

Guest: “LIES! YOU’RE LYING!”

(The guest then looks out of the window at the back of the ship; all you can see in the sea behind us.)

Guest: “THERE’S NOT EVEN ANY LIFEBOATS ON BOARD! YOU’RE LYING! YOU JUST WANT US ALL TO STAY HERE AND DIE LIKE THE TITANIC!”

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