Their Honesty Is Out Of Alignment

, , , , , , | Working | August 24, 2017

(After work one day I notice I have a flat. I can’t find any objects in it so I decide to take it to an auto shop to have them check it out as well as get a new tire.)

Tech: *after glancing at the flat* “Okay, so one new tire…” *goes around and quickly glances at my other tires* Yeah. Your alignment is off. We can’t fix that here, but that’s what killed your tire. And you’re about to lose your other tire, too. See?” *points to where the rubber meets the concrete* “So we’ll go again and replace that today, too.”

Me: “Wait, what? Why would I replace that tire? The pressure in it is fine; I checked them all once I noticed the other was flat. And the tread is practically new. If it really is the alignment, won’t that just tear the new one up, too?”

Tech: *suddenly looks like someone literally stuck their foot in this mouth* “Um… so… just the one?”

Me: “Yeah. Just the one.”

(I took my car to another store and they said the alignment was fine. Still have no idea what popped that tire.)

Gorillas In The Rig

, , , , , , | Working | August 23, 2017

(I am nine years old when this story takes place. I am with my mother at a popular event with many carnival rides and games set up. I see one game is giving out giant gorillas as their “big” prizes.)

Me: “I want to try that!”

Mom: “You won’t win anything good. These games are all rigged.”

Me: “I don’t care. I want a gorilla!”

Mom: “Okay, you get one chance but then we have to go before we miss [Popular Dog Competition].”

(The game in question is one where you have to throw a ball at a large table with holes cut into it. The holes are painted various colours, each corresponding to a prize. There is only one green hole on the entire table and if your ball lands on it you win a big prize. I toss my only ball and it lands on the green hole.)

Me: “I did it!”

Man Running The Game: “HOLY S***, I THOUGHT THAT WAS RIGGED!”

(Everyone in the surrounding area heard this and when we came back later that day a different person was running that game. I don’t know if the guy had to leave for rigging the game or for telling everyone, but at least I got a gorilla out of it.)

Not Your Problem Will Cause You Problems

, , , | Right | August 16, 2017

(As a line rings, our system pops up with the caller’s account information if one is associated with the phone number. Usually, this is just to expedite serving the customer. Not so much in this case. After I confirm the caller’s name and number, the account history makes my jaw drop.)

Caller: “So anyway, I saw your subscription numbers dipped, and it’s your lucky day; I’ve got a great deal for you!”

(I’m a little speechless at this point; this man’s account is locked due to frequent credit card fraud notifications. Some scammers do sell game time off stolen credit cards, but most customers stop after the inevitable chargeback and lost time.)

Me: “Pardon me, sir, but I can’t help but notice your account’s currently locked—”

Caller: “That’s right! And if you unlock it now and give me six months’ free time, you’ll get an old and valued customer back!”

Me: “Sir, the account’s locked due to frequent charge-backs—”

Caller: *same cheery voice* “Not my problem! I bought that time in good faith. You shouldn’t have taken it from me.”

Me: “Sir, those were stolen cards, and we’ve told you six times this was against our end user agreement.”

Caller: “Still don’t see how it’s my problem. That’s just capitalism. Someone made me a better offer!”

Me: “Because they were using stolen funds, sir, which was why we prohibit such transactions in our contracts.”

Caller: “Still not my problem. So, you going to do your company a solid and get them a valued customer back?”

Me: “You want me to waive $100 in outstanding charges and give you another $100 free?”

Caller: “It’s good business sense to keep the customer happy!”

Me: “Sir, you haven’t been a customer of ours since you started relying on fraudulent time purchases. Each of those purchases got refunded, and we were issued a chargeback penalty by the cardholder’s bank. You cost us money.”

Caller: “Not my problem!”

Me: “That’s why we locked your account. You may not think it’s your problem, but we’ve decided we don’t want you as a customer.”

Caller: “What? But I’ve been a good customer! You should be thankful I want to come back after how you treated me!”

Me: “Looking over your billing history, sir, it’s looking likely your entire time with us might actually be a net loss for us.”

Caller: “Do you want me to get my lawyer involved? He says I’ve got a good chance at restitution after the way you’ve treated me. I’m offering you a good deal. You should take it instead of letting this get… messy.”

Me: “As this is now pending litigation, your lawyer may contact our legal team for any further discussions. Please understand that no one at this phone number is able to discuss matters pertaining to this account until after its conclusion. Thank you.”

(In retrospect, I wish I could have asked how his lawyer felt about his client knowingly working with credit fraud from a variety of state and international ends, but I don’t know I’d have been able to keep from laughing.)

No ID, No Idea, Part 30

, , , | Right | August 5, 2017

(The gas station where I work has several “lost and found” credit cards due to customers leaving them in the chip card readers. Usually the customer will call to see if we have their card and if we do we tell them to come in with an ID and they can have their card returned, but the ID must match the name on the card. This situation usually happens at least once a week.)

Customer: “Can I see your lost and found credit cards, please?”

Me: “Did you lose a credit card? If you have an ID I can check if your card is here.”

Customer: “No, I just need to see the lost and found cards. My [Relative] lost their card and I told them I would look for it.”

Me: “Sorry, but I cannot let you just look at the cards. If you tell me the name I can see if we have the card and they will have to come in and show ID to claim it.”

Customer: “[Relative] does not have ID. Could I just look for their name in the cards?”

Me: “Not without an ID matching the name on the card.”

Customer: “Well, I’m [Local Political Officer].”

Me: “And I’m Sigourney Weaver. No ID, no card.”

Fight For Legality

, , , , , | Friendly | June 27, 2017

(My friend is from New Jersey, and together we’re watching a musical set during the American Revolution.)

Character #1: “Where was the fight?”

Character #2: “New Jersey.”

Both Characters: “Everything’s legal in Jersey!”

Me: *looks at friend*

Friend: “NOTHING is legal in New Jersey.”

Page 1/3123
Next »