Not Your Problem Will Cause You Problems

, , , | Right | August 16, 2017

(As a line rings, our system pops up with the caller’s account information if one is associated with the phone number. Usually, this is just to expedite serving the customer. Not so much in this case. After I confirm the caller’s name and number, the account history makes my jaw drop.)

Caller: “So anyway, I saw your subscription numbers dipped, and it’s your lucky day; I’ve got a great deal for you!”

(I’m a little speechless at this point; this man’s account is locked due to frequent credit card fraud notifications. Some scammers do sell game time off stolen credit cards, but most customers stop after the inevitable chargeback and lost time.)

Me: “Pardon me, sir, but I can’t help but notice your account’s currently locked—”

Caller: “That’s right! And if you unlock it now and give me six months’ free time, you’ll get an old and valued customer back!”

Me: “Sir, the account’s locked due to frequent charge-backs—”

Caller: *same cheery voice* “Not my problem! I bought that time in good faith. You shouldn’t have taken it from me.”

Me: “Sir, those were stolen cards, and we’ve told you six times this was against our end user agreement.”

Caller: “Still don’t see how it’s my problem. That’s just capitalism. Someone made me a better offer!”

Me: “Because they were using stolen funds, sir, which was why we prohibit such transactions in our contracts.”

Caller: “Still not my problem. So, you going to do your company a solid and get them a valued customer back?”

Me: “You want me to waive $100 in outstanding charges and give you another $100 free?”

Caller: “It’s good business sense to keep the customer happy!”

Me: “Sir, you haven’t been a customer of ours since you started relying on fraudulent time purchases. Each of those purchases got refunded, and we were issued a chargeback penalty by the cardholder’s bank. You cost us money.”

Caller: “Not my problem!”

Me: “That’s why we locked your account. You may not think it’s your problem, but we’ve decided we don’t want you as a customer.”

Caller: “What? But I’ve been a good customer! You should be thankful I want to come back after how you treated me!”

Me: “Looking over your billing history, sir, it’s looking likely your entire time with us might actually be a net loss for us.”

Caller: “Do you want me to get my lawyer involved? He says I’ve got a good chance at restitution after the way you’ve treated me. I’m offering you a good deal. You should take it instead of letting this get… messy.”

Me: “As this is now pending litigation, your lawyer may contact our legal team for any further discussions. Please understand that no one at this phone number is able to discuss matters pertaining to this account until after its conclusion. Thank you.”

(In retrospect, I wish I could have asked how his lawyer felt about his client knowingly working with credit fraud from a variety of state and international ends, but I don’t know I’d have been able to keep from laughing.)

No ID, No Idea, Part 30

, , , | Right | August 5, 2017

(The gas station where I work has several “lost and found” credit cards due to customers leaving them in the chip card readers. Usually the customer will call to see if we have their card and if we do we tell them to come in with an ID and they can have their card returned, but the ID must match the name on the card. This situation usually happens at least once a week.)

Customer: “Can I see your lost and found credit cards, please?”

Me: “Did you lose a credit card? If you have an ID I can check if your card is here.”

Customer: “No, I just need to see the lost and found cards. My [Relative] lost their card and I told them I would look for it.”

Me: “Sorry, but I cannot let you just look at the cards. If you tell me the name I can see if we have the card and they will have to come in and show ID to claim it.”

Customer: “[Relative] does not have ID. Could I just look for their name in the cards?”

Me: “Not without an ID matching the name on the card.”

Customer: “Well, I’m [Local Political Officer].”

Me: “And I’m Sigourney Weaver. No ID, no card.”

Related:
No ID, No Idea, Part 29
No ID, No Idea, Part 28
No ID, No Idea, Part 27

Fight For Legality

, , , , , | Friendly | June 27, 2017

(My friend is from New Jersey, and together we’re watching a musical set during the American Revolution.)

Character #1: “Where was the fight?”

Character #2: “New Jersey.”

Both Characters: “Everything’s legal in Jersey!”

Me: *looks at friend*

Friend: “NOTHING is legal in New Jersey.”

What A Counter-Feat!

, , , , | Right | June 26, 2017

Me: “That will be $2.50, sir.”

Customer: “This should cover it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you can’t pay with a copies of a dollar bill. They’re not even in color.”

Several Ripped Holes In Your Story

, , , , , | Right | June 22, 2017

(I work at a retail store as a manager, closing one night. As we get to closing time I get a call over our headset that a sound is coming from the fitting rooms. Since this particular location is on the more sketchy side I immediately call my security personnel (male) and head back to the fitting room. The ladies fitting room is set up in a way that it is a lot bigger than what we actually use, so half of it is partitioned off. This is made apparent with a rope blocking the back half of it, and all stalls beyond that point have no curtains up to block people’s view. It is not uncommon for people to go to this back half for illegal reasons. I go back there with my fitting room associate. The security personnel stays at the entrance since there are still other women in the fitting room. As I get there I can hear one of our alarm tags going off from farther down where this ‘customer’ is ‘changing.’ We both know she’s in trouble but she tries to play it off.)

Customer: “It fell off so I threw it back there!”

(I go to pick it up and it obviously has been cut off as there is a chunk of jean fabric still between the alarm tag and the pin. Going back to her I notice the pants she’s wearing has a big hole in the side. She finally realizes she’s caught not only trying to steal from us but damaging our product.)

Me: “Please hand me all our merchandise including the one you damaged.”

Customer: *sheepishly* “Okay I’ll bring them out to you.”

Me: “Don’t worry. I will be right here.”

(I don’t move as I watch her change. She hands me the pants she was wearing with the hole, the shirt she was ‘trying on’ that has a chunk cut out of it, another two pairs of pants with holes, and another shirt with a chunk cut off. Bundled up in one of the shirts she pulls out the scissors she used and puts into her very empty giant bag. (Something shoplifters do is come in with giant empty bags and leave with them filled.) She also hands me the hard tags and alarm tags she’s cut off the items she handed me, and the other clothes she hadn’t gotten to yet. After she gets dressed I walk her out of the fitting room, past her over-filled shopping cart which has more than clothes. My security personnel walks with me as I walk her out of the store.)

Me: “I shouldn’t need to say this, but I’m going to anyway. Don’t come back.”

Customer: *apologizes over and over again and leaves*

(Thankfully she only ruined the five items, which we now can’t sell, but with those and the many other items she was trying to steal it came to above $500 in merchandise. Fast forward to a few weeks later. It’s a closing shift again, and a girl comes in that I immediately recognize as a friend of the one I kicked out of the store. We know she also steals from us but as we haven’t been able to catch her. We try to keep an eye on her but there’s so few of us versus how many people come into the store and it’s busy, so we lose track of her and she leaves. A few hours later, near closing time, police officers come into our store. Turns out this girl got caught stealing from the store next to us and they called the police on her. When going through her bags they saw a pair of pricey shoes that still have an alarm tag on them, and a price tag that says our store name, obviously not bought. They walk me out to their car where she is sitting, crying and apologizing, saying she’s never done this before (a lie).)

Customer: *saying through sobs* “I’m so sorry; this isn’t like me. I never steal!”

Me: *leaning down to better see and speak to her* “Do not come back into our store again.”

(I then went back inside and continued with my closing shift.)

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