I was designing an event poster for a client. He sent me a couple of pictures of the city the event was going to be held in for use on the poster. Some of them had watermarks, so I did a quick Google search, and (of course) they were the first five results of the Google image search for that city.

Me: “Do you have the permission of the photographer whose name and website are watermarked on this picture? If you just use a random Google image without permission, you can get sued, you know? If you really want to use them, I suggest contacting the photographer and asking to purchase them legally.”

Client: “I don’t know. I mean, is the photographer really going to find them? Can’t we just crop and resave them under a different name?”

I’d like to note that the client is a musician who frequently tells his fans to “respect the artist and not illegally download and share his songs.”

CONTENT WARNING: This story contains content of a legal nature. It is not intended as legal advice.

I’m a lawyer. A friend from school reached out to ask for help dealing with an ambulance company. Her parent had passed away in an ambulance while traveling between a nursing home and a hospital. The ambulance company sent my friend a bill that she could not afford to pay, and they were threatening to send the bill to collectors.

Me: “Not a problem, friend! Your parent’s estate is responsible for this bill. You don’t have a personal obligation to pay it, so they can’t send it to collections in your name. Let me just mail a short letter, and they should stop bothering you.”

I typed a very polite letter (“This person has legal representation, please cease any and all shenanigans, etc.”) and thought that was the end of this nonsense. Fast forward a few weeks when my friend sent a picture of another bill. Because the law is so cut and dry on debt collection, I assumed the ambulance company had some computer or human error which caused another letter to be sent.

Me: “No worries, friend. I bet someone messed up. Let me give them a call real quick and figure it out.”

Imagine a super cool montage of me working through a really long automated phone tree before talking to an actual human.

Me: “Hey, I’m [Friend]’s lawyer. I sent a letter asking you to stop sending her collections notices. She got another notice yesterday, so I just wanted to figure out why and how to make sure these letters stop.”

“Surely, this will be a quick call and we can all have a laugh about whatever error occurred,” I think.

Employee: “We will stop sending her bills when she pays.”

Me: “Umm… but that’s pretty illegal for, like, a lot of reasons. I can think of three right off the top of my head. So, instead of me getting all riled up and starting a lawsuit, can you just be cool? Pretty please?”

Employee: “It’s not illegal. Try to sue us if you want our lawyers to explain it to you.”

She made me say the phrase that I hate more than any other phrase IN THE WORLD.

Me: “May I speak with your manager, please?”

Employee: “Nope, I am the manager, and I’m also more familiar with the FDCPA than you. What we are doing is perfectly legal. Tell your friend to pay.”

The FDCPA (Federal Debt Collection Practices Act) sets out certain rules for what debt collectors can or cannot do. But some states, like Texas, have stronger rules which protect debtors. I didn’t know whether or not the ambulance company was violating any FDCPA things, but I knew FOR SURE (and when a good lawyer says, “for sure,” that means one hundred percent sure) that they were violating Texas DCPA.

Me: “Telling me I don’t know what I’m doing is rude. Hassling [Friend] after their parent passed away is shockingly rude. So, last chance before I hang up to angry-type a lawsuit and angry-file it. You don’t want me to sue on this, because I will win.”

Employee: “Please do, and we will see you in court. Have a nice day!” *Click*

She hung up on me. Oh, man, I was pissed — easily in the top ten of pissed in a professional context.

The whole conversation took about ten minutes. I have a fairly high tolerance for abrasive people; most people don’t look forward to talking with a lawyer, I get it. Still, sending collection notices to the wrong person AFTER that person buried a parent AND telling me I’m a bad lawyer was pretty mind-blowing.

I literally started working on this complaint as soon as I hung up. Because if I threaten to sue and you ASK me to follow through, my hands are tied.

I filed and the company was served, presumably followed by an actual lawyer reading the complaint and thinking, “Oh, wow, we f***ed up here.” A very apologetic lawyer called, and we reached an agreement to settle which included an apology to [Friend].

I work at a liquor store. The other day, a lady came in wearing a baggy dress. She didn’t buy anything, but as she was walking out, a half-gallon of vodka fell out from between her legs and smashed.

Lady: “How did that get there?”

I worked at a small company with approximately thirty-five employees. We had a good-sized kitchen with a fridge that several employees used, though most brought a lunch bag they just kept by their desk. The fridge was usually used for stuff that people wanted to keep really cold or for drinks.

People often would go to the fridge to find either their whole lunch missing, an item from it gone, or, in my case, my can of Cherry Coke gone. I usually kept it in my lunch bag, but on occasion when I would order out, I would get two — one for lunch and one for later — so I didn’t have my lunch bag.

We suspected who was stealing but could never prove it. This particular day, I was in the mood and I figured I would try and prove it.

It was [Thief]’s break time. I headed down to the kitchen about five minutes ahead and gave my Coke a really, really hard shake — so hard I feared it may actually pop in my hands — and placed it back in the fridge. Then, I ducked into the storage closet in the kitchen and peeked out the crack.

BINGO! [Thief] took the Coke. I waited, hand over my mouth, for her to open it, but she took it with her and left.

Oh, s***. I thought she was gonna open it in the hall. Nope.

As I left, the kitchen I heard her yell, “WHAT THE F***?!”

I passed her office, and Coke was everywhere: the walls, the floor, the ceiling, all over her desk, computer, and her work, all over her — everywhere!

The previous week, we had all been given these “sippy”-type cups that were spillproof. We were supposed to use them at our desks when drinking because we all got new computers.

Well, food never went missing again because [Thief] got fired.

I was helping to set up an eCommerce site. This included designing the logo, setting up the site, and making all the necessary visual designs. I finally needed to start adding the products.

Me: “Do you have a list of products and any images to accompany them?”

Client: “Oh, we’re pretty much going to be selling everything on [Retailer]’s site.”

Me: “There are several thousand products. All of them?”

Client: “Yep, just take the photos and descriptions from them and put them on our site.”

Me: “I can’t just carbon copy—”

Client: “Oh, I know! When you copy their verbiage, just replace their name with ours.”