Weeding Out The Junkies

, , , , | Right | October 13, 2017

(For a future program, we’re having a conversation about medical marijuana being sold in our state. We have the program advertised on the bulletin board when this happens. A woman sees the advertisement, and then begins screaming across the lobby at us.)

Woman: “YOU’RE SELLING WEED?!”

Us: “No, it’s a conversation!”

Woman: “BUT IT SAYS YOU’RE SELLING WEED!”

Us: “It’s a conversation about selling weed!”

(The woman comes to the front desk.)

Us: “You got excited, didn’t you?”

Woman: “Yeah…”

1 Thumbs
441

What An Alco-Hole

, , , , , , | Right | October 12, 2017

(Here in Minnesota we have strict liquor laws concerning selling anything other than 3.2 beer after 10:00 pm. If anyone sells alcohol past that time, both the cashier and the business get a very hefty fine. Imagine my grim surprise when, two minutes after closing, the door opens and a woman rushes in.)

Customer: “I know you’re closed, but I just got off the phone with the woman in charge. She said I could buy alcohol as long as it’s five minutes after.”

Me: “You talked to my boss?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(Thankfully, since my boss is cool, and I work in a small town liquor store, I’m allowed to be rude to fools.)

Me: *laughs* “You heard wrong.”

Customer: “She totally told me that. Where is she?”

Me: “She’s been gone for six hours; it’s just me here. But what is it you wanted?”

Customer: “I told her I was just going to get a pint of [Cognac].”

Me: *laughs even harder* “Ma’am, we’ve been out of [Cognac] for weeks. Well, I do have 1.75L of it left, but if you really need it that bad, it’ll cost $20,046.”

Customer: “What?! Why is it so expensive?!”

Me: “Because of all the fines we’ll receive for selling after ten o’clock, plus a little extra for me so I can find myself a new job after I sell it to you.”

Customer: *getting defensive* “Well, you don’t have to get hostile. I’ll call her back and get you fired, anyway!”

Me: *shrugs* “I wouldn’t hold your breath.”

(She angrily left, and I called my boss. Obviously, she never got a phone call from someone about coming in late. After a bit of speculation and calling around, we discovered that there was a new girl working two miles down the road at a separate liquor store, who answered the call. I saved her a massive fine.)

1 Thumbs
721

I Will Plant Myself Right Here

, , , , | Right | October 11, 2017

(I work at a hotel resort in the Rockies, doing the overnight shift. Since it is a slow night, I spend most of it in the back room doing my reports. At 3:00 am, I go out to roll the business date and come face to face with one of our guests, clearly under the influence, trying to walk off with one of the plants we keep at the front desk. He looks at me, alarmed, obviously not expecting me to be there, and I look at him, surprised to see someone as well. After a moment, he slowly sets the plant back down.)

Guest: *pouting* “You weren’t supposed to see me.”

(He sheepishly walked over to the elevators, and I did my best to refrain from laughing until the elevator doors closed behind him.)

1 Thumbs
557

There’s A Meth To His Madness

, , , , , | Right | October 11, 2017

(A customer is freaking out in the men’s bathroom, slamming the stall door, and I have to go tell him to leave since I am the only guy working.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Customer: *spills his water* “Uh, sorry, what did you say?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; you have to leave. You’re damaging property and you’re scaring the customers.”

Customer: “Oh, I’m so sorry. I’m schizophrenic and I… I just have these episodes.”

Me: “It’s fine, man; I understand, but you still have to leave.”

(The customer leaves, and I go back to the bathroom to see how big of a mess he made, but most of the water has evaporated. He left his phone charger and case on the floor, though, so I give them back to my manager and she holds onto them. The customer comes back in and bolts for the bathroom.)

Me: “Sir, you can’t go back in there. You need to leave now.”

Customer: “Yeah, I just, uh, forgot something in the bathroom.”

Manager: *brings him his stuff* “You have to leave now, sir, or I’m calling the cops.”

Customer: *very panicked* “Okay, okay. I’m leaving.”

(I head back into the bathroom, and I don’t know how I missed it, but there is a little baggie on the floor with some paper folded up in it. I unwrap it, and there is a brownish powder in it. I take it to my manager.)

Me: “So… I found this in the bathroom. What is it?”

Manager: “Well, that explains a lot. It’s meth.”

1 Thumbs
665

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 70

, , , , , , | Right | October 8, 2017

(I work for an automobile insurance company. My customer is responsible for an accident and I am trying to help out the innocent party. We have already inspected her vehicle in person and given her a check for the estimate at the time of inspection. The total damages are $2,000.00, rounded down, and her vehicle is safe to drive. A couple of weeks later, we have set her up in a car rental while the vehicle is in the the body shop of her choice. She calls me when the repairs have been completed.)

Caller: “I got a call from the body shop and they told me that the repairs are done.”

Me: “That’s great! Go ahead and return the car rental, and then pick up your fixed vehicle. Hopefully the shop has done a great job on your vehicle. If not, let me know.”

Caller: “Well, that’s the problem. I can’t pick up the vehicle; the shop needs to be paid first.”

Me: “No problem; just give them the $2,000.00 check that we gave to you at the time of inspection. I don’t see any notes that any additional damages were found, so that should cover everything.”

Caller: “I don’t have the check.”

Me: “Did you lose it? I can cancel and reissue it if needed. I can even send it directly to the shop to expedite it.”

Caller: “That would be great. Thanks.”

Me: “Okay, hold on.”

(I look at the system and realize that the check has already been cashed.)

Me: “I’m sorry; I’m not able to cancel this check, as the system says it’s already been cashed.”

Caller: “Yes, I already cashed it.”

Me: “Okay, then just go ahead and pay the body shop directly.”

Caller: “I can’t afford that! I don’t have $2000!”

Me: “But I thought you cashed the check?”

Caller: “I did, but I cashed it at the check-cashing store and they took 4% of it!”

Me: “Why didn’t you just give the check to the shop?”

Caller: “Nobody ever told me that I can do that!”

Me: “All right, but you can still pay the shop the other 96% and we can try to figure out how to cover the balance.”

Caller: “I spent all of it! I don’t have that money anymore.”

Me: *assuming she spent it on necessities such as rent or food* “I’m sorry to hear that. May I ask what you spent it on?”

Caller: “Oh, I bought myself a new purse that I’ve been really wanting.”

Me: *stammering* “You bought yourself a new purse? Well, I would highly recommend that you return it so you can pay the shop.”

Caller: “I can’t do that; I already used it, and it’s been a few weeks, so I don’t know if I can return it anymore.”

Me: “Just to confirm, you are saying that you received a check that we wrote to you for the repairs of the vehicle, and you cashed that check at a check-cashing service and spent it on a new purse?”

Caller: “Yes, but this is your customer’s fault for hitting me. So, you have to pay to fix the car.”

Me: “No, we already paid for it; we don’t owe for anything more.”

Caller: “No, you have to pay to get my car out of the shop. You promised me you guys would cover everything.”

Me: “We did pay for everything; you just chose to use the money on a new purse, and we certainly do not owe for a new purse!”

Caller: “You better pay for it, or I’m going to say that I was injured, and then you’ll have to pay for that, too! I’ll get a lawyer and sue you!”

Me: “It has been over five weeks since the accident and this is the first time I am hearing about injuries. As a courtesy, I will let the body shop know what is going on and I will cover tomorrow as the last day of authorized car rental. You are welcome to stay in the car rental longer at the insurance company’s discounted rate, but we will no longer pay for anything further.”

Caller: “Oh, no, you don’t! I’m going to sue all of you!” *hangs up*

(I looked into it again a few months later. She never returned the car rental and the rental car company filed a police report as a stolen vehicle. She never picked up her fixed vehicle, which was thus considered “abandoned,” and the shop had to sell it! I have never heard from her or her lawyer. I waited until the statutes of limitations expired prior to sharing this story.)

1 Thumbs
1,719