Swimming With The Phishes

, , , , , | Right | February 24, 2010

Caller: “I never give my card to anyone! You must have randomly charged it! I demand a refund!”

Me: “Well, I’d be happy to assist your bank in their review of these charges.”

Caller: “No you won’t! You stole my card! How did you guys get it anyways?”

(I explain here that the card was likely compromised through either a card scanner or through a phishing email. After I explain what a phishing email is, here’s what he says…)

Caller: “Wait… so could it have been that Australian Lottery that I won?”

Me: “I would say almost certainly, sir.”

Caller: “So I’m not going to get that prize?”

1 Thumbs
3,724

Undeveloped Mind

, , , , | Right | February 22, 2010

(I work in a photo lab. I am calling a customer.)

Me: “I am just calling to let you guys know you have pictures here that you dropped off in December.”

Customer: “I don’t have pictures there.”

Me: “Maybe we mislabeled the bag? The pictures are of a family of four celebrating Christmas? Two kids? Boy and girl?”

Customer: “That’s my family, but I don’t have pictures there. To be honest, I think you are trying to scam me into buying pictures I already bought and took home.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “This is the second time you’ve called. I already picked those up and brought them home. You stole those from me and printed them to get more money out of me!”

Me: “Are you saying I broke into your house?”

Customer: “Yes, and I’m calling the police now!”

1 Thumbs
2,966

D’ohpe

, , | Right | January 13, 2010

Customer: “Why was my return denied?”

Me: “Ma’am, the system is showing us that you have recently made a lot of returns without a receipt. When this happens, corporate flags your ID and you can’t make any non-receipt returns for a while. It’s to prevent theft.”

Customer: “I’m not stealing. In fact, I have a lot of money. My boyfriend is a street pharmacist and he has a lot of money.”

Me: “A what, ma’am?”

Customer: “A street pharmacist! He sells dope.”

Me: “That is more information than I want to know, ma’am. You have a good day.”

1 Thumbs
3,658

Extra Crime Rib

, , | Right | January 8, 2010

Customer: “I ordered a large prime rib last time I was here and it was awful! I want a new one.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, I will be happy to remake it for you. We’ll have it ready for you in a few minutes.”

(I make a sandwich while the woman strolls over to the chips, hides a bag in her jacket and takes it to her truck. She comes inside with a water bottle, fills it up with soda and takes a seat.)

Me: “Ma’am, your sandwich is ready. So you had a large prime rib and a bag of chips.”

Customer: “I didn’t have chips!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, you took a bag of chips to your truck. We have it on camera.”

Customer: “Okay, maybe I got chips.”

Me: “And I have to charge you for a medium drink.”

Customer: “I didn’t get a drink!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. You filled up your water bottle with soda.”

Customer: “But it’s my water bottle!”

Me: “Yes, but you filled it with our soda. We have you on camera.”

Customer: “Okay, maybe I did that. But my sandwich is still free, right?”

1 Thumbs
3,730

Trouble Brewing

, , , | Right | January 7, 2010

(A customer puts beer on the table to buy.)

Me: “Can I see your ID please, sir?”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t have it.”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t sell this to you. You have to have a valid ID.”

Customer: “Can’t you tell I’m 21?”

Me: “Yes, sir, but policy requires me to ID you if you look under 40.”

Customer: “Well, I have this… will it work? You guys have taken it before when I bought beer.”

(Customer hands me a pink government paper with his name and information on it.)

Me: “What is this?”

Customer: “My DUI report.”

1 Thumbs
4,245