They’re Gunning For The Best Remembrance Day Ever

, , , , , | Learning | October 22, 2017

My high school is in a small northern city in Ontario. It’s a low-population area where gun violence is virtually unheard of.

Late one morning the school went into lock-down, after we’d had the yearly drill. It was a real lock-down! Everybody was excited and tense, wondering what caused it, and it lasted about half an hour. I didn’t find out the reason until the next day.

Somebody had called the school, saying they saw a person on school grounds walking towards the building with a rifle. The caller was a parent who spotted this would-be shooter, while dropping off their kid to the school late. They then left their kid in the building as they drove away to make the phone call.

The actual culprit? A drama student, with fake prop rifles.

He had two of them, and he was indeed carrying them into the school. They were for the upcoming Remembrance Day play, and were made of wood.

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The Bank Job

, , , , , , , , | Working | October 20, 2017

In my first real job, one of my tasks is to take cheques to the bank and bring back cash for the petty cash. I am given a handbag and am told I need to take my own wallet for ID purposes at the bank.

The accountant jokes with me, “Oh, if you get mugged, make sure you ask for your wallet back.”

I don’t take his joke too seriously until I am at the bank one day. I turn to see a guy watching the teller counting the money I am to take back. He then turns to me and gives me a creepy grin. I don’t think anything of that until I am a few doors away from the bank and turn to find him so close to me he’s almost touching me. I quickly dart between cars and across the road. He follows a short distance away, so I duck into a shop that I know has an upstairs exit into the next street. I sneak a look when I am going up the stairs to see him standing by the door I had entered. I run out the back door and through another shop before rushing back to work. Thankfully I had explored different routes and knew which stores had rear exits. My work only wants me to take one route to and from the bank, at the same time each day.

Not long after that, I move into a receptionist role and a new hire is given the bank job, which isn’t part of the job description. Her husband comes in to see the accountant and tells him that his wife is not doing the banking. The accountant agrees it is too dangerous for a middle-aged lady to do, but funnily had not considered it too dangerous for his teenage niece to do.

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On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 14

, , , , , , | Right | October 20, 2017

(I am working in a two-storey men’s clothing store. It is almost closing time, and I am the only one working on the bottom floor, when an elderly man shuffles in and approaches me.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Uh…” *stares at me for a while*

Me: “Yes? Is there anything you were looking for?”

Customer: *continues staring*

Me: *slightly creeped out, but keeps smiling* “Okay, well, let me know if you need anything!”

Customer: *suddenly points to a pair of display pants* “Get me those in XL.”

(I tell the customer to stay while I run upstairs to fetch the requested pants. However, when I come back down, the man’s pants are down and his family jewels are on full display.)

Customer: *still staring creepily at me* “You’re pretty.”

Me: *slowly turns around and goes back upstairs*

(I quit a few days later.)

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Getting Away Was A Pipe Dream

, , , , , | Friendly | October 19, 2017

(My family has recently noticed that our water has been turning off often. For the first couple of times, we just write it off as company problems, but soon, we realize there is a problem with our plumbing. We call a plumbing company and they send out a plumber to check our attic. I am only five years old.)

Plumber: “I’ll need to check your attic pipes first, since that’s where it’s most likely to break.”

Dad: “That’ll be fine.”

(My dad shows him the way to the attic and the plumber climbs up and goes in. He stays there for a few minutes, when he suddenly screeches and practically jumps out of the attic.)

Plumber: “A spider bit me! It looked like a widow; I think I need medical help.”

(My mom, being a doctor, always has medicine for certain common things such as headache, stomach pains, and spider bite, so she lets the plumber sit on the sofa as she readies a needle, after calling an ambulance in case he needs further treatment.)

Sister: “Hey, what are you doing?!”

(The plumber has gotten up and picked up my dad’s wallet, which was on the table. He makes a run for the door.)

Dad: “Come back here!”

(My dad easily blocks him and we call the police, who identify him as a wanted thief.)

Me: “What happened? Why are they taking the pipe man away?”

Sister: “Don’t worry, [My Name]; he was a bad man, so they’re taking him to the place for bad men.”

(To this day, I still have no idea how he thought he was going to get away with it when my dad, a bulky man with at least a foot and 60 pounds on him, was standing right next to him.)

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There’s No Such Thing As A Free Lunch… Oh, Wait

, , , , , | Friendly | October 14, 2017

Many years ago, I had a weekday off from work. I was out running some errands, and I swung by an ATM to get $10 to pay for lunch at a cash-only pizza place with a great lunch buffet. I had a great lunch; I even saw an old acquaintance from high school waiting tables and it was nice to say hi. I finished my errands, went home, and had a relaxing afternoon and evening.

The next day I was at work, and I decided to go out to lunch again. I checked my wallet to see how much of my $10 I had left over, which would determine where to go and what to get for lunch. I had the whole Hamilton in there, and nothing else. It took me a minute to put together what I had done. I’ve never been back to that pizza place.

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