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Flipping Off And Flipping Out Over Foreigners

, , , , , , | Friendly | August 10, 2021

As an American expat who isn’t white, hostility from locals (in any country!) toward foreigners is something you will encounter from time to time. My remedy is to simply give them a bored and uninterested look, or to say in German, “Sorry you don’t have a job, but that’s really not my fault!”

I was standing in a train station, and this man walked by and flipped me off, his hand so close to my face his finger almost touched my nose. Not wanting to spoil a clean criminal record, I let it slide and continued waiting for my train.

I turned to the side and noticed that he was yelling in my direction. I happened to be wearing some rather large headphones, so all I could see was his mouth moving with an enraged expression on his face, with people around him giggling and laughing. I pointed to my headphones, mouthed, “What?” in German, and turned back in the other direction.

Moments later, he got into my face while visibly screaming something, at which point I removed my headphones to hear him screaming:

Man: “Get out of my country! If you aren’t German, you don’t belong here! Go home!”

Giving no reaction, I simply put my headphones back on, and he jammed his finger into my chest while continuing to yell. Immediately, I shoved him, causing him to topple over backward while surrounding people rushed in between us to de-escalate the situation.

Understandably, security was summoned, which was immediately followed by the police. After everyone’s information and statements were taken and it was determined that the schmuck was the perpetrator at fault, one of the officers informed me of some very interesting facts concerning this genius:

  1. He wasn’t even German. He was Russian.
  2. The officer said he spoke the worst German he’d heard from a foreigner in a while.
  3. His residence permit had been revoked two years earlier and he had been ordered to leave Germany under threat of deportation; he simply disappeared off their radar.

Gute Heimreis, bud!

This story is part of our Best Of August 2021 roundup!

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There’s Cheapery And Then There’s Thievery

, , , , , | Legal | August 7, 2021

[Friend #1] is tight with money, but we all know she earns plenty of money and has some pretty big savings — no kids, good pension, she just doesn’t want to spend anything. From taking the salt and pepper packets home, to digging things out of the bin, she does it all.

Surprisingly, she actually booked herself a few days away in a hotel. We are talking about it over a few drinks

Me: “So, how was the hotel itself?”

Friend #1: “Good, actually, thanks. Quiet, and the food was good.”

Friend #2: “Did you see [Nearby Famous Attraction]?”

Friend #1: “Oh, no. The tickets were far too pricey.”

Me: “Oh, so what did you do?”

Friend #1: “We stayed in the hotel mostly. Oh, I didn’t tell you the best part! We were a bit naughty and took the towels home. They had matching dressing gowns. We had to sneak them into our bags.”

Friend #2: “Err, I think that’s stealing, [Friend #1].”

Friend #1: “I bet they have hundreds. With the prices they charge, they should be free, anyway.”

Me: “You pay by card? Might want to check they haven’t added the cost of them on after they discovered them missing.”

Friend #1: “They can’t do that! Can they?”

Turns out they can and did. The “free” towels actually turned out to be very expensive, indeed. Apparently, the hotel refused to take them back once she offered, due to hygiene reasons. When [Friend #1] complained, they threatened to let the police deal with it, instead.

She (reluctantly) paid the bill.

This story is part of our Best Of August 2021 roundup!

Read the next Best Of August 2021 roundup story!

Read the Best Of August 2021 roundup!

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Time To Scrap Your Lazy Ways

, , , , , | Legal | August 5, 2021

I work in a factory that makes parts for performance high-end cars with a very famous name and very expensive price tag. Of course, everything has to be supplied to very exacting standards. What people don’t know is that even small parts can also have high safety implications.

Me: “I’ve been reading [Customer]’s requirements. Did you realise we are supposed to be destroying the bad parts?”

Director: “We throw them in the skip; I’m sure that’s destroyed enough.”

Me: “There is a massive clause about this. I don’t think this is something we should overlook. There seem to be some pretty serious concerns here.”

Director: “Well, if you are concerned, speak to [Manager].”

I know the manager won’t care, doesn’t care, and doesn’t respect me or my job, so I try something new when I head downstairs

Me: “Are we destroying the defective parts for [Customer]?”

Manager: “Don’t see the point. They’re bad anyway.”

Me: “Oh, it’s just that [Director] wanted to know.”

Manager: “Oh, okay, then. I will make sure!”

He goes off and gets one of the guys to snap all the parts in half before throwing them away. He calls me over.

Manager: “There you go, ‘destroyed.’”

Me: “That’s great. Saved us a potential court case.”

Manager: “Court case?! What are you on about?”

Me: “Oh, someone got caught stealing sun visors from the bins at another company and was selling them online. The problem is that not only was it stealing from the company but also the sun visors weren’t crash-tested, which would be deadly. Not only a court case but massive bad PR. [Customer] sued and closed the factory.”

Manager: “Oh, I, err…”

Me: “So, is this all the scrap? This doesn’t look enough.”

Manager: “Oh. I, err… Yes, I am sure it is. I am, yes.”

Me: “Great! Then there isn’t a problem.”

I had no idea if that looked like all the scrap, but given how nervous he was, I suspected things were probably going missing.

Rumour had it that an employee was caught stealing our parts from the bin and was fired, but who let him and how he knew when the cameras were shut off is a mystery.

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Should Have Cut Her Off After The First Cut

, , , , | Right | August 2, 2021

A girl with long dark brown hair comes in for a trim. We cut less than an inch off; no layers basically just enough to get the wispy ends.We cut so little off there is almost nothing to sweep up from the floor. She’s happy so she pays and leaves.

Three days later I come in and here she is. She has a frizzy fried orange blonde chemical cut. Her hair came to the middle of the back when she left after the cut, but now it’s only to her chin.

Customer: “You need to give me a refund for the cut, a refund for the bleach job–” *Which we didn’t color or bleach or put any chemicals in her hair.* “–and you need to fix the bleach and tone it! Oh, and you need to pay for my extensions!”

Me: “Why would we refund you on a color job we didn’t do?”

Customer: “Because you’re too expensive for color services and if you were cheaper I wouldn’t have tried to do it at home!”

Me: “You aren’t getting a refund for the cut because I didn’t cut it to your chin, that’s all on you. I’m not going to “refund” a service I never did and I am definitely not going to pay for you to get something done.”

Amazingly, she throws herself on the ground and starts crying! Once she realizes she isn’t going to win, she gets up and asks:

Customer: “Would you fix it if I paid?”

Me: “Nope, I’m not touching this.”

My coworker felt bad for her, and let her book with her this upcoming Monday. Monday rolls around and my coworker fixes the orange and trims it up so that she looks way better than before. When she’s all done she runs out without paying. Unfortunately, she’s left her keys on my coworker’s station, so I put them in my pocket and wait.

About twenty mins later she sheepishly pokes her head back into the shop.

Customer: “Have you seen my keys?”

Me: “Yeah, you left them with the bill.”

Customer: *Yelling.* “You stole my keys! I’m going to call the cops!”

Me: “Call the cops! I’ll report you for theft of services.”

Again, she realizes she’s not going to win so she pays my coworker and I hand over her keys. We never saw her crazy a** again.

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Life Is Stranger Than Fiction, Part 5

, , , , , , | Right | July 29, 2021

I work at a bookstore. We have a usual customer who is extremely odd. One of the things he’s done is lick the books, but we’ve never actually caught him. We recently installed CCTV cameras to prevent theft, as we have other customers who try to steal our merchandise. With the health crisis going on, we’re really cracking down on people being sanitary and wearing masks. One day, I see the usual customer come in and head straight to the religious section. I follow him discreetly to see if he’ll lick the books again. Sure enough, he picks up a Bible, takes off his mask, and licks the inside cover.

Me: “Excuse me, sir. Please don’t lick the books.”

Customer: “But do you know how much fiction is in this d*** book?! Thousands of years of hatred and wars because a bunch of losers believed some guy who lived ten thousand years ago!”

Me: “Sir, that is completely your opinion, but it’s for sanitary reasons, especially in these times. Now, I have to ask you to purchase the book.”

He started ripping pages out and throwing them everywhere, and I called for security. They came quickly, and he started throwing other merchandise off of the shelves and licking some of it. About half the books in that section were damaged, and he had two options: pay and leave for good, or we’d call the police.

He didn’t like those options. He left, but not before spitting on a book about female serial killers.

We wound up damaging out over a dozen books. We sent the tape to the police, and he was arrested for destruction of property.

Life Is Stranger Than Fiction, Part 4
Life Is Stranger Than Fiction, Part 3
Life Is Stranger Than Fiction, Part 2
Life Is Stranger Than Fiction

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