Schrödinger’s Groceries, Both Paid For And Not Paid For At The Same Time

, , , , , | Right | April 14, 2021

I am working at the register near the door when I see two teenagers walking by, each with a bag of items. I bid them a good night, but as they go through the sensors, the alarm goes off.

Me: “Oh! I’m sorry, could I see your receipt and bags real quick? The managers make me do this.”

I always say that and it tends to help people not get mad at me for having to do my job.

Customer #1: “Uh… sure…”

They step back over and I take the receipt and start looking through the bags, really just glancing. But I notice that the receipt only has like five things on it and they have well over fifteen items.

Me: “Um… it looks like you have some things here that aren’t on the receipt. Did you have another receipt?”

Customer #2: “No. What do we have that’s not on there?”

I take one of the bags and set it on the counter.

Me: “Everything that’s in there. Did you want to purchase those here real fast?”

I hand them back their other receipt. What [Customer #1] says next, I will never forget, because it makes no sense.

Customer #1: “Well, we already paid for it but we don’t have enough money to pay for it.”

Me: *Bewildered pause* “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer #1: “We already paid for it but we don’t have enough money to pay for it.”

I just stand there for a moment, blinking a few times and trying to figure out what I’m hearing.

Me: “I… see… Well, unfortunately, you can’t take these items if you don’t have a receipt for them. You can come back later for them when you have some more money.” 

And then I just watched them walk off into the distance. I knew that they were trying to steal, and in our store, if we stop someone from stealing, we get 10% in cash of the total amount of items we saved. I looked into the bag again to start counting the prices and started laughing. The kids had torn off all of the barcodes but left all of the sensors on, assuming that the barcode was the sensor!

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Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 16

, , , , , , | Right | April 12, 2021

I’ve been working in this office for about seven months and have a pretty good handle on a lot of things. Because I’m the newest person in the office, I’m used to our insureds asking me to check with a more senior coworker after I give them an answer on something.

One of our insureds calls to tell us she was in an accident. 

Me: “Oh, no! Are you okay?

Customer: “Yeah, yeah, I’m just waiting for the police to get here. So… um… what should I tell them?

Me: “The police? You should tell them what happened.

Customer: “But if I do that, they’re going to say it was my fault! See, look, here’s what happened. I was at a red light and I looked— I looked three times and no one was there, so I went. And this guy appears out of nowhere and T-bones me. So, what do you think I should say?

Me: “I think you need to tell the police what happened.

Customer: “But they’ll say I’m at fault!”

Me: “Ma’am, I cannot advise you to lie to the police.

Customer: “Can you double-check?!

Me: “I… Okay…

I put her on hold and turned to my coworker.

Me: “Hey, can we advise someone to lie to the police about an accident?

Coworker:What?! No! What are you—

Me: “Yeah, I know, but she wanted me to check, so…”

I pick the call back up.

Me: “Ma’am? I checked, and yeah, we can’t advise you to lie to the police.

She wasn’t happy about that, but on the plus side, she was never rude or mean about it!

Related:
Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 15
Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 14
Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 13
Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 12
Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 11


This story is part of our Best Of April 2021 roundup!

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A Terrifying Kind Of Stupid

, , , , , | Legal | April 9, 2021

Working for a criminal defense attorney, I meet all kinds of people and hear all kinds of stories. Most of our clients are very nice people, in spite of the trouble they’re in. One, however, really stands out.

She was on at least her second or third DUI and just couldn’t understand why the police and the courts made such a big deal out of it. She insisted that “everyone” drinks and drives and she was sure I could not name a single person who had not done so.

But the clincher was when she told me that drinking and driving couldn’t possibly be illegal because, after all, bars have parking lots! I thought that was the punch line to a joke, but she was dead serious.

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I Can See Clearly Now… You’re An Idiot

, , , , , , | Legal | April 2, 2021

I’m a police officer. We are driving a patrol around the area when a car driving on the opposite side of the road coming toward us starts flashing its lights. Thinking the driver might need assistance, we stop in the road, our window level with his.

Me: “Is there a problem, sir?”

Man: “Why haven’t you got your lights on?”

Me: “Why would we need our lights on, sir?”

Man: “It’s the law; you have to have them on.”

It’s an overcast day, a little grey, but visibility is good and road conditions are good. In the UK, the highway code states that headlights must be used when visibility is seriously reduced to under 100 meters. However, this is nothing like today’s conditions.

Me: “Sir, the highway code states visibility of fewer than 100 meters.”

Man: “Yeah, so you should have your lights on, then!”

Me: “Pull over, sir, and we can talk.”

He is getting pretty aggressive, almost spitting at us. Something just doesn’t seem right, so we pull over to the side of the road. My partner drives out 100 meters and I point him out to the man.

Me: “He is around the distance you need to have lights on. Can you see the car clearly?”

Man: *Slightly smug* “No!”

Me: “Sir, do you have a set of prescription glasses you need to wear while driving?”

Man: “Well, I, err… left them at home.”

We got into it and eventually discovered that the man had severe sight problems, and he must wear strong glasses as part of his insurance.

Judging by his prescription, the guy was a massive risk on the road; if a child ran out in front of him, he wouldn’t have seen them until it was too late. With two schools between us and his house, it was a good job we caught him.

He argued and couldn’t see what he did wrong but he still ended up with points on his licence and a fine.


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Tried To Whisk(y) Them Away

, , , | Right | March 30, 2021

Our store is located in a slightly rough area, so we get quite a few shoplifters. We know the type by now and tend to keep an eye out.

We only have four staff members in and I’m getting my till cashed up, which requires me and a manager. After signing my paperwork, I leave the office, pick up my go-backs from my till, and head to put them back.

I clock a guy putting a bottle of whisky into his backpack. Instead of confronting him, I simply wait for him to turn around. When he does, he sees me, eyebrows raised, prompting him to turn back around and put the bottle back. He then pulls out a second bottle that I didn’t even know about.

He got his bag checked and a ban from the store.

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