I’m working the checkout at a huge national chain superstore. I’m obliged to ask this of many customers:

Me: “Hi there! Would you like to apply for the store credit card and get [percentage discount] today?”

Customer: “Sure!”

I start typing in their info on my register.

Me: “Awesome! Okay, it’ll ask on the PIN pad for you to hit ‘yes’, saying you’d like to apply for the credit card so I can scan your ID.”

Customer: *Blithely hits ‘YES’.*

Me: “Okay, since this is a credit card, there is an application process, and it will check if you’re approved for credit. Is that okay?”

Customer: “Sure.”

We get through the whole application process, name, address, Social Security number, and annual income. The customer types away without a single question.

A few minutes later…

Me: “Great news! You’re approved. Would you like to pay with your new credit card today and redeem your discount?”

Customer: “Oh… this is a credit card? I thought it was a member program! Why didn’t you tell me?! Can I undo that?”

Me: “I said it was for the store credit card.”

Customer: “Yeah! You said sign up! That’s for rewards cards!”

Me: “No… I said apply. For a credit card. That’s why I asked you to hit YES to say you want the credit card, scanned your ID, and had you enter your Social Security number, annual income, and other financial details.”

Customer: “Ohhh… Well, can you cancel it?”

Me: “You’ll have to call the bank for that. They’re the only ones who can close your account.”

If this was a test to see how many times I could tell someone it’s a credit card before they noticed… congratulations, you win.

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 117
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 116
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 115
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part… *Quiet Sobbing*
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 114

Way back in the year 2000, I worked at a big box store with the yellow tag logo. I had been there for eighteen months as a cashier. We recently got a new operations manager who came from computer sales and didn’t really know the registers that well.

This happened during his first week as manager:

Me: “Okay, sir, that will be [amount].”

Customer: “Fine, here.”

The customer tosses the card onto the counter. I run it and it declines.

Me: “Sorry, sir, your card declined. I can run it again, or we can try another card if you’d like?”

Customer: “Run it again, I know there’s over $1000 on that card; it should work.”

Swipes, declines.

Me: “Sorry, sir, it has declined again.”

Customer: “It has to work. Is there anything else you can do to approve it?”

Me: “I can try to run it manually, but that will only help if your magnet strip is damaged.”

Customer: “Try that, then.”

I manually enter the details, but it’s declined again.

Customer: “There must be some way to force or bypass that; I know there is money on the card.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. If it’s declined by the card company, there is nothing I can do.”

Customer: “This is bull-s***! I know there is money on that card! Get your manager! Now!”

Me: “Okay, sir, just a moment.”

The manager approaches and stands behind the counter next to me.

Manager: “Hello, sir, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Your employee keeps declining my card, and I know there is plenty of money on it! You need to override it!”

My manager attempts to run the card, and, of course, it is declined again.

Manager: “Sorry, sir, it was declined.”

Customer: “I know that! You need to override it so I can take my stuff and go home!”

My manager turns ninety degrees to face me.

Manager: “It declined. Is there anything we can do to override it?”

Me: “No, sir, that decline is from the card company. There is nothing else we can do.”

My manager turns ninety degrees to face the angry customer.

Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, I’ve spoken with one of our experts, and he informs me there is nothing else we can do with this card. Would you like to sign up for our card and save 10% on your purchase today?”

Customer: *Angrily stomps out of the store.*

Two customers are making a large purchase at my checkout. I have a sign showing how much can be saved on a purchase today if the customer applies for the store’s credit card.

Customer: “How much will I save if I apply for that today?”

Me: “You’d either get [total] discounted or 25% off, whichever comes out to more. For this purchase, it would be a significant saving.”

Customer: “Awesome! Let’s do that.”

They start filling out the electronic application form with my assistance.

Me: “This part will require your social security number for the credit check.”

Customer: “Ugh, I never know that.”

Customer’s Friend: “Girl, you’ve memorized the star signs of everyone on ‘Love Island’, but not your social security number?”

Customer: “I know! I’m such an Aries!”

Related:
Zodiac Whack

We recently had a lady lose her debit card in our store. One of our employees found it on the floor just a few minutes after she left. I decided to post on our local Facebook page that this lady left her card here, and if anyone knows her to please let her know. We just post their name and where to find it, no picture or other info. It’s a small town, and everyone knows everyone else. We’ve never had an issue like this before.

About an hour after I posted this, the store phone rings, and I answer. It’s the customer.

Customer: “I saw your Facebook post. You NEED to take it down. That is not my card. My employer saw the post and they’re freaking out.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I was just trying to be helpful.”

Customer: “If you want to be helpful, you need to take that card to a local bank branch, not post about it online. You’ve caused me a lot of trouble. Take that post down NOW!”

Me: “Yep. Have a good one.”

I knew from the way she was acting that it was her card, and most likely a business card for her job, as, according to Facebook, she’s an office manager.

I texted my manager and asked what he would like me to do. He said that since it seems like she doesn’t want to retrieve the card, I can go ahead and destroy it (that’s what the bank would do with the card if we took it to them anyway).

The next day, she comes in.

Customer: “I lost my card here and I’m here to pick it up.”

Another manager was on duty at the time and told her that we had disposed of it. She got upset and said she told me she’d be in to pick it up today.

Manager: “That’s not the story we heard.”

The lady went wide-eyed and pale and immediately left the store without another word. She was 100% doing personal things on the company’s time and was trying to do damage control.

I worked at a major pet store, and we’d get pretty busy on the weekends. We had four registers total and would run them all during the Saturday rush.

One day, our card system went down in a strange way. It WOULD process the credit cards, but it would literally take about four minutes from card swipe to approval. That really adds up.

We were informed by corporate that they were working on the problem, but it was likely to last for hours.

Our boss wisely did everything possible. She put a sign in great big red letters about the problem and hung it on the door. She put a sign on one of our registers up high, so it was visible from the floor that it was a cash-only register. She put a sign on the column near the register that this register was cash only. 

She put me on the cash-only register because she knew I wasn’t easily intimidated. She told me that under no circumstances was I to accept cards at that register.

The lines were LONG. It could literally take someone over thirty minutes to get through a credit card line. But, of course, the cash only one is moving right along. So people would see that and move from the credit card lines to my line. They’d get to the front, and I’d tell them it was cash only.

Customer: “Your other line was taking too long!”

Customer: “I’ve only got one thing!”

Customer: “I’m in a hurry!”

Nope. Sorry. Go back to the other line.

Early on, I made the mistake of telling one customer that I could run cards, but my system was messing up like the others. They reached out their card to me. I said no.

Customer: “You just told me you could take it!”

Me: “I won’t.”

Customer: “I’ll get the manager!”

Me: “Who do you think told me to refuse the card?”

Rinse and repeat this scenario for hours.

I admit I took a lot of pleasure in telling people that tried to cut or just didn’t read the multiple bright red signs they had to pass that “nope, don’t care if you’re at the front of this line, go to the back of that one.”