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Please Be A Prank, Please Be A Prank…, Part 3

, , , , , , , | Right | July 17, 2023

A customer is making a purchase over the phone. He is a member of our loyalty program, so I confirm his security details and shipping address.

Me: “And can I take the card number of the card you’re paying with today, sir?”

Customer: “Oh, it’s like 4481… something. Just use that one.”

Me: “I would need the whole number, sir.”

Customer: “All the numbers? But there are so many.”

Me: “There should be sixteen, sir.”

Customer: “12345678.”

Me: “The last digits of your credit card are 12345678?”

Customer: “I know it has some of those numbers.”

Me: “I need all the numbers, sir.”

Customer: “123456789. And zero. That’s all of them.”

Me: “In order, sir.”

Customer: “But I added the zero!” 

Please Be A Prank, Please Be A Prank…, Part 2
Please Be A Prank, Please Be A Prank…C

Their Credit Score Is A Negative Number

, , , , , , , | Right | June 16, 2023

Me: “Cash or credit?”

Customer: “Credit, please.”

Nothing happens. I sit there waiting patiently.

Customer: “Are we done?”

Me: “I need your credit card, sir.”

Customer: “Oh, can’t you just scan it?”

Me: “I… I don’t know what that means?”

Customer: “I don’t have it with me. Can’t you just scan it or something?”

Me: “I need your physical card, sir. Or if you have a virtual wallet app with the card registered, I can use that?”

Customer: “This is too complicated. I’ll just use cash.”

Me: “Very good, sir.”

Suddenly, the customer HANDS ME his credit card.

Me: “Ummm…”

Customer: “Well?”

Me: “So we are using credit?”

Customer: “No! Cash! Are you stupid!?”

Me: “But you’re handing me your credit card, sir.”

Customer: “Yes! So take the cash out of it.”

I am so confused at this point, but the next customer behind them speaks up.

Customer #2: “Are you an alien? Did you just get to this planet?”

Turns out, the customer wanted me to use his credit card to pay. [Customer #2] asked him if cash meant to use his credit card, then what did paying by credit mean? He didn’t know, either.

Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind, Part 3

, , , , | Right | March 13, 2012

I work for a credit card company.

Customer: “Nobody ever said anything about late fees, but I have one on my statement! How dare you charge me a late fee? Nobody told me there would be a fee if my payment didn’t get there on time!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, late fees are discussed in your cardmember agreement that came with your card.”

Customer: “Oh, come on! Nobody actually reads those!”

The Solemnest Guarantee

, , , , | Right | January 1, 2012

Me: “Okay, what form of payment would you like to use?”

Customer: “Credit, please.” *hands me credit card with photo on card*

(I hold up the card to ensure it’s the right person.)

Customer: “Trust me, there are no two people in this world this ugly.”

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 15

, , , , | Right | June 2, 2011

(A customer comes in to pay her [retail store] card bill.)

Me: “Okay, so there is a late fee of $35, and the amount due on the total balance is $103. You’re paying $35. Thank you for your payment, ma’am. Just to let you know, you still have a minimum payment of $68 that was due four days ago. You may incur another $35 late fee.”

Customer: “What do you mean? I’ve been paying $35 every month because that’s what it says on the slip.”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am. If you look here, it says that the late fee is $35 and the amount due for you to pay is $103 by this date. That date was four days ago.”

Customer: “So, what do I do now? They want me to pay that?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. They would like for you to.”

Customer: “Okay. Well, can I make the payment with my [retail store] card?”