(I’ve lost my wallet. I spend an entire week frantically re-tracing my steps on foot—over 40 city blocks—checking my university’s lost and found, and looking in my mailbox to see if someone had returned it. Finally, I give up hope. I pay for new IDs and cancel my cards. But several days later, someone from university calls to report it has been found. I am on the phone to reactivate my credit card.)

Me: “Hi, I reported my card lost, but now I have it and would like to reactivate.”

Representative: “Why did you report it lost if you have it?”

Me: “I lost my wallet and didn’t expect to get it back. But I have it now. Can you reactivate my card?”

Representative: *sighs* “Okay, but I have to verify some info from your account.”

Me: *answers*

Representative: “…and where was your last purchase made?”

Me: *answers*

Representative: *rudely* “Do you recognize charge from [other store]?”

Me: “Yes, but that was purchased earlier in the same day. You asked for the last purchase. Now can you reactivate my card? I’ve given you plenty of info.”

Representative: “Okay, I’ll reactivate your account, but just so you know, you should never report your card stolen if it’s not serious. That feature is for emergency use only!”

Me: “I never said it was stolen; it was lost. I didn’t want anyone finding and using my card.”

Representative: “Well, you still shouldn’t have done that. Obviously it was in your house all along and you just couldn’t figure out where.”

Me: *click*

Me: “Good afternoon, I’m from [Collections Agency]. Is [Client] available to speak?”

Young Girl: “Sure, hold on one second.”

(A few moments later…)

Client: “Hello?”

Me: “Good afternoon, sir. I’m making a courtesy call on behalf of [Credit Card Company] about the overdue balance on the account you have with them.”

Client: “What?”

Me: “You currently owe $3,800.00, but you haven’t made a payment in six months. I’m calling to see if you’re having trouble paying the bill. I can also help you set up a payment plan to make it easier for you to handle the payments.”

Client: “NO HABLO ESPAÑOL!”

Me: “Sir, that’s why I’m speaking to you in English.”

Client: “Huh?”

Me: “You just said, ‘I don’t speak Spanish.'”

(There’s a bit of a pause while he digests what I’ve said.)

Client: “…What do I owe again?”

Trainee: “Hey, this woman would like to buy an iPod Touch. But she’s asking for a discount.”

Me: *to the lady customer* “Hi, so you’re interested in an iPod Touch?”

Customer: “Discount?”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t offer anything below our tagged price. It already has a guaranteed low price.”

Customer: “Discount?”

Me: “If you’re worried about money, you can choose to apply for a store credit card. With it you can buy this iPod Touch and have three months to pay interest-free.”

Customer: “Okay, so I get a card and get a discount?”

Me: “No, but you have three months to pay.”

Customer: “What’s the price in three months?”

Me: “It’s the same price as now.”

Customer: “Okay. What’s the price after the three months?”

Me: “It is the exact same price as you see here now. But with the card you get three months to pay for it.”

Customer: “Discount?”

Me: “Okay, let’s ring this up for you.”

This story is part of our Demands For Discounts roundup!

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