Can’t State This Enough

| Working | June 29, 2014

(My family and I take a vacation to Block Island, off the coast of Rhode Island. Rhode Island is a very small state, but a state nonetheless. While out kayaking, my dad loses his wallet, including his credit cards. When we get home he calls the credit card company to cancel his card.)

Rep: “Okay, sir, where were you when you lost your credit card?”

Dad: “I was on Block Island. That’s a part of Rhode Island.”

Rep: “Thank you, sir. And what state is Rhode Island in?”

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Making A Ridiculous Statement

| Working | May 30, 2014

(I’m cancelling my credit card, after switching to another company whose card offers perquisites I’m more interested in having. After turning down the agent’s offers for other cards I’m not interested in, the following conversation finishes the call.)

Agent: “Okay, I’ve cancelled your account. You’ll no longer have online access to the account and services. You’ll still be responsible for any charges that are posted to the account.”

Me: “Okay. Are you going to be sending me a paper statement if there’s activity?”

Agent: “No. You were signed up for electronic statements, which can be viewed online.”

Me: “Which I no longer have access to.”

Agent: “Yes.”

Me: “So, how will I know if something is charged to the account if you won’t give me online access or send me a statement?”

Agent: “You can still call in to our phone service.”

Me: “So you’re not going to tell me if there’s activity on my account, but you want me to keep calling in to check on the off chance that something does?”

Agent: “Yes.”

Me: “No.” *hangs up*

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Customer Service Can Be A Stumbling Block

| Working | December 29, 2012

(I’ve lost my wallet. I spend an entire week frantically re-tracing my steps on foot—over 40 city blocks—checking my university’s lost and found, and looking in my mailbox to see if someone had returned it. Finally, I give up hope. I pay for new IDs and cancel my cards. But several days later, someone from university calls to report it has been found. I am on the phone to reactivate my credit card.)

Me: “Hi, I reported my card lost, but now I have it and would like to reactivate.”

Representative: “Why did you report it lost if you have it?”

Me: “I lost my wallet and didn’t expect to get it back. But I have it now. Can you reactivate my card?”

Representative: *sighs* “Okay, but I have to verify some info from your account.”

Me: *answers*

Representative: “…and where was your last purchase made?”

Me: *answers*

Representative: *rudely* “Do you recognize charge from [other store]?”

Me: “Yes, but that was purchased earlier in the same day. You asked for the last purchase. Now can you reactivate my card? I’ve given you plenty of info.”

Representative: “Okay, I’ll reactivate your account, but just so you know, you should never report your card stolen if it’s not serious. That feature is for emergency use only!”

Me: “I never said it was stolen; it was lost. I didn’t want anyone finding and using my card.”

Representative: “Well, you still shouldn’t have done that. Obviously it was in your house all along and you just couldn’t figure out where.”

Me: *click*

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Foolish As A Second Language

, , , , | Right | July 15, 2009

Me: “Good afternoon, I’m from [Collections Agency]. Is [Client] available to speak?”

Young Girl: “Sure, hold on one second.”

(A few moments later…)

Client: “Hello?”

Me: “Good afternoon, sir. I’m making a courtesy call on behalf of [Credit Card Company] about the overdue balance on the account you have with them.”

Client: “What?”

Me: “You currently owe $3,800.00, but you haven’t made a payment in six months. I’m calling to see if you’re having trouble paying the bill. I can also help you set up a payment plan to make it easier for you to handle the payments.”

Client: “NO HABLO ESPAÑOL!”

Me: “Sir, that’s why I’m speaking to you in English.”

Client: “Huh?”

Me: “You just said, ‘I don’t speak Spanish.'”

(There’s a bit of a pause while he digests what I’ve said.)

Client: “…What do I owe again?”

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I Think She Wants A Discount

, , , , | Right | November 5, 2007

Trainee: “Hey, this woman would like to buy an iPod Touch. But she’s asking for a discount.”

Me: *to the lady customer* “Hi, so you’re interested in an iPod Touch?”

Customer: “Discount?”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t offer anything below our tagged price. It already has a guaranteed low price.”

Customer: “Discount?”

Me: “If you’re worried about money, you can choose to apply for a store credit card. With it you can buy this iPod Touch and have three months to pay interest-free.”

Customer: “Okay, so I get a card and get a discount?”

Me: “No, but you have three months to pay.”

Customer: “What’s the price in three months?”

Me: “It’s the same price as now.”

Customer: “Okay. What’s the price after the three months?”

Me: “It is the exact same price as you see here now. But with the card you get three months to pay for it.”

Customer: “Discount?”

Me: “Okay, let’s ring this up for you.”


This story is part of our Demands For Discounts roundup!

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