We got a new office manager who loooooved meetings. He seemed to think that the clearest indicator of success and a good work ethic is to always… be… in… bloody… MEETINGS!

[New Office Manager] likes a daily all-hands meeting in the morning, even though we have nothing new to add daily. He liked weekly closing meetings on Friday afternoons when everyone just wanted to close deadlines before the weekend. He even scheduled a meeting to discuss the need for more meetings.

Another office manager [Regular Office Manager], same level on the promotion ladder, rarely attends these meetings, if ever, much to the chagrin of the new office manager. This annoys [New Office Manager] so much that he plans a meeting with [Regular Office Manager] to discuss this.

They held their “meeting” in the office corner, not a closed meeting room, so I overheard the following:

New Office Manager: “Your calendar seems sparse. Are you having enough meetings?”

Regular Office Manager: “Oh, so you do have access to my work calendar.”

New Office Manager: “Of course I do!”

Regular Office Manager: “I assumed you didn’t, since I had to cancel two meetings to have this discussion with you about how I’m not holding enough meetings…”

I think I snort-laughed too loudly, as they both stopped to look in my direction. I quickly darted to the coffee station to let them finish.

Later that day, [Regular Office Manager]’s calendar was suddenly full of meetings, several a day, and most coinciding with [New Office Manager]’s useless daily/weekly all-hands meetings.

Every new meeting was the same: “Me Time – Do Not Disturb.”

I work the closing shift at a store with some bad customers who like to shop needlessly long after closing, and some bad corporate who does not allow us to kick them out. My manager has chosen to develop some clever ways to solve this.

Twenty minutes before closing:

Manager: “Attention shoppers. Our store closes in twenty minutes. The only people who should be in the store after twenty minutes should be our workers. We are not responsible for any discomfort inflicted upon non-workers present after that time.”

Ten minutes before closing:

Manager: “Attention shoppers. Our store closes in ten minutes. After ten minutes have passed, we will begin playing our workers’ preferred music at maximum volume. We are not responsible for any discomfort inflicted upon non-workers present after that time.”

Thirty seconds before closing:

Big Kenny: “BROTHERS AND SISTERS! WE’RE HERE FOR ONE REASON, AND ONE REASON ALONE, TO SHARE OUR LOVE OF MUSIC! I PRESENT TO YOU, COUNTRY MUSIC WITHOUT PREJUDICE!”

Anyone who was still straggling tends to rapidly hurry to the tills as soon as the music starts. Those who endure the lead-up to the first chorus are promptly assaulted with an interruption in the form of “Rin-chan Now” with a quintuple-extended opening. 

That’s been enough for everyone so far, which is good, because it means we, the night shift, can rock out to both songs at a reasonable volume. If ever someone shows up who shares our music tastes, my manager has claimed to have a last resort loaded in the form of “Baby Shark”.

I used to work with food, sandwiches, salads, and soups. I remember one time when the store was quiet, there were only a few guests, and I had just made this salad for a lady. Apparently, I made it wrong, though, because she walks up to me and demands:

Customer: “Get me a new salad!”

I’m a bit dumbfounded because the salad looks fine to me.

Me: “What’s wrong with it?”

Customer: “You work here, you should know what’s wrong with it!”

Me: “I’m afraid I don’t, but if you tell me what’s wrong with it I’ll gladly make you a new salad.”

Customer: *Rolls her eyes.* “The avocado is supposed to be diced.”

I look down at her salad and pause for a moment, trying to comprehend.

Customer: *Rolls her eyes harder.* “Ugh! Look! The avocado on my salad is sliced! Not diced! Sliced!”

I just kinda stared at her for an uncomfortably long time. I was just waiting to see how serious she was, told myself if this goes past fifteen seconds, I’ll make her a new salad. She got uncomfortable and dropped it after about ten, hopefully realizing how crazy she was sounding to want a whole new salad because of avocado piece dimensions.

A woman came through my line. After ringing up her multiple hundreds of dollars’ worth of clothes, she then began to hit on me and insinuate a few things:

Customer: “Any way I could “work” for the clothes instead of paying for them, if you get what I mean.” *Wink wink.*

I look around the place and lean in with a whisper.

Me: “Well… we could go to the store bathroom…”

Customer: “Oooh, yeah!”

Me: “…and you wait there while I come back with mop, bucket, and gloves. By this time of day, that place is disgusting, and it really needs to be cleaned.”

She didn’t even say a word. She just dropped everything and walked out.

I used to work in an Apple store in a mall. One night, just as we were closing up, a lady walked in, visibly drunk, and started going off on a rant.

Customer: “I’m soooo disappointed with my MacBook! It’s slow… and ugly! And I don’t like the keyboard.”

Manager: “We sell keyboards if you—”

Customer: “—Yeah! I need a free Magic Mouse and keyboard to make it right!”

Manager: “We can sell them to you, but we can’t give them to you for free.”

Customer: “Free! Free, for my troubles!”

The manager, seeing that this lady wouldn’t listen to reason or leave, did the best thing that the situation allowed.

Manager: “You want a Magic Mouse and keyboard? Fine.”

He then proceeded to grab them off the shelf and said:

Manager: “Come on.” 

He started leading her to the front door like a puppy with a treat. Once she stepped outside, he closed the door and locked it, without giving her anything. She started banging and shouting, but she became the problem of the mall guards to solve after that.