Tabled That Discussion For A Few Hours

, , , , , | Right | December 8, 2017

(My husband, brother-in-law, and I enter a busy restaurant at around 1:00 in the afternoon. There are perhaps a half-dozen people standing in the lobby between us and the hostess station. As we approach, we overhear the exhausted-looking hostess telling a group of customers that their wait will be around two hours. Incredulous, my brother-in-law makes his way up to the desk to ask if the wait will be equally as long for our party of three. He returns to my husband and me, shaking his head and chuckling.)

Brother-in-Law: “We’ll have a table in a minute. Their wait is so long because they just requested tables for forty.”

What The Duck?!

, , , | Right | December 7, 2017

Customer: “Do you carry stuffed mallard ducks here?”

Me: “No, but [Toy Store] might; they have lots of plush animals.”

Customer: “No… Not a plush. A real one.”

Me: “…no… You would need to see a taxidermist for that. There aren’t any in this mall.”

Your Reasoning Regarding Seasoning

, , , , , | Working | December 7, 2017

(One of my coworkers is walking from the sales floor to the backroom.)

Manager: “Where are you going?”

Coworker: “A customer wants a motorized toy truck for their kid. There are none on the shelf, but I scanned the barcode and the scanner told me there’s one in the back room on the top shelf. I just need to get it down with a machine. I won’t be even five minutes.”

Manager: “You want to go to all that trouble for one toy car?”

Coworker: “It’s the kind that’s big enough for the child to drive in; it’s a 200-dollar sale.”

Manager: “No, that’s too much trouble for one thing. Get back to stocking your aisle and tell the customer that the scanner was mistaken.”

Coworker: “Sorry, but you did hear that it’s a 200-dollar sale, right?”

Manager: “Yes, but we can’t come back here every time the customer wants something. You have stocking to do!”

(A week or so later, I happen to be working alongside this coworker when the same manager walks up to her and the following exchange happens.)

Manager: “Hey, a customer is looking for a packet of seasoning and it looks like there’s one back here. The location is on the scanner here; can you get it down?”

(My coworker reads the scanner.)

Coworker: “[Manager], this is on the top shelf, wrapped in a pallet of mixed merchandise. I would have to get the machine to bring the pallet down and hope that the seasoning is in a place that I can get at without ripping the shrink-wrap. If not, I’d have to wrap the pallet again before putting it back up. All that for a single 50-cent packet of seasoning?”

Manager: “Well, we have to make the customer happy, and every little sale counts, right? Just try to make it quick; he’s waiting.”

(He walked off, leaving both of us just looking at each other, speechless.)

You’re Failing At Tutoring

, , , , | Learning | December 7, 2017

(I work as a tutor at a tuition centre. Our main feature is that we offer personalised learning on a student level, as each student has a unique mindset and thinking style. Students can either come to one of the few centres or be taught at home. The price is higher to be taught at home, but they can skip the centre’s pre-lesson activities. The bulk of parents sending their kids to these centres are from the low to middle-class end of the income spectrum, because the big boss, having come from humble beginnings himself, offers huge discounts. This happens rather frequently to the receptionists, who speak the most with the parents.)

Receptionist: “So, you are unhappy that your child is not improving.”

Parent: “Yes! I didn’t pay such a high price and send him so far away from home just to get nothing!”

Receptionist: “According to what his subject coaches and the student said, he improved from Fs in his class tests to a high C in his post-break exam. That is quite an achievement.”

Parent: “Well, he should be getting As or at least top in his class!”

Receptionist: “Ma’am, that’s impossible. He was failing all of his tests before he started here. It is very unlikely that he can jump to an A. It takes time—”

Parent: “Ugh! You’re useless! Anyway, what’s with all these ‘pre-lesson’ activities? They don’t help my child learn at all!”

Receptionist: “Well, we can always skip those activities by having the coach come to your home—”

Parent: “Well, do it then!”

Receptionist: “—for another $75 a month to cover their transportation fees.”

Parent: “Well, I guess it’s fine if my child continues going here. Just do less of the pre-lesson what-nots!”

One Ring To Sue Them All

, , , | Right | December 7, 2017

Coworker: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. My name is [Coworker]. How can I help you today?”

Guest: “Yes, hello. I need to inquire about a lost item.”

Coworker: “Certainly, ma’am. What sort of item?”

Guest: “It was my wedding ring. I stayed at your hotel, and when I got home it was missing.”

(My coworker looks through our recently reported found items and finds nothing close to being a wedding ring.)

Coworker: “Ma’am? When exactly did you stay with us, so I can narrow it down a bit?”

Guest: “Oh, it was in August or so…”

(Immediately, my coworker realizes that this call is about to go sour, as it is now FEBRUARY.)

Coworker: “Ma’am… I’m sorry, but we only hold lost items for thirty days. After that, anything unclaimed is donated. I’m sorry, but even if we did find your ring, it wouldn’t be in our possession any longer.”

(As expected, the guest LOSES IT.)


Coworker: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but we just don’t have the storage to keep lost items for this long.”

Guest: *ignoring my coworker entirely* “I’ll call the police! YOU STOLE MY WEDDING RING AND I’LL SUE THE WHOLE HOTEL!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, by law, we aren’t responsible for lost items in the hotel; we keep found items for thirty days as a courtesy. If you’d called sooner—”

Guest: “I was out of the country! Of course I didn’t call until now! You’ll be hearing from my lawyer! I’LL SEE YOU PERSONALLY ARRESTED!” *click*

(Amusingly, my coworker had been out of the office for an extended period during the time that the woman supposedly lost her ring, so even if someone had stolen it, it couldn’t possibly have been him. Of course, my coworker was not arrested, and we never heard anything more about it.)

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